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A review by karrahp1
Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb
I read this one as a bookclub entry with my sister! It's both hilarious and practical. I found myself highlighting the names of behavioral economists and studies that elucidate how much the human brain can work against our own self interest. A few takeaways:
+ we must update our own mental models of who we are and be realistic about it! people in relationships with us make compromises all the time, and there is value in acknowledging that
+ the things that make for a fun date may not make for a dependable long term partner and co-parent
+ women are pickier than we've ever been before. get serious about what you NEED and what would be nice to have. My 3 things needed: communication, compromise, commitment
+ communication: a partner who wants to get better at communicating. when I have strong communication with another person, I feel understood and like I understand my partner. It's nice if we have the same sense of humor and want to communicate with the same frequency, but it's most important that our communication leads to relatively efficient understanding.
+ compromise: a partner who is willing to compromise and also expects me to compromise! I want someone who is willing to share their own interests and aspirations, as well as fears and boundaries. We will almost certainly find places where we don't overlap in needs, but both still have needs. Someone who can deftly compromise to find a path forward is a big green light for me!
+ commitment: someone who is looking for the long term. I'm 30 now, and dating has a place. I like meeting new people and learning things about myself, but I'm curious to have a long term partner and want someone who is looking for the same. And someone who knows we are going to have peaks and troughs, and who is committed to working together through both.
+ we must update our own mental models of who we are and be realistic about it! people in relationships with us make compromises all the time, and there is value in acknowledging that
+ the things that make for a fun date may not make for a dependable long term partner and co-parent
+ women are pickier than we've ever been before. get serious about what you NEED and what would be nice to have. My 3 things needed: communication, compromise, commitment
+ communication: a partner who wants to get better at communicating. when I have strong communication with another person, I feel understood and like I understand my partner. It's nice if we have the same sense of humor and want to communicate with the same frequency, but it's most important that our communication leads to relatively efficient understanding.
+ compromise: a partner who is willing to compromise and also expects me to compromise! I want someone who is willing to share their own interests and aspirations, as well as fears and boundaries. We will almost certainly find places where we don't overlap in needs, but both still have needs. Someone who can deftly compromise to find a path forward is a big green light for me!
+ commitment: someone who is looking for the long term. I'm 30 now, and dating has a place. I like meeting new people and learning things about myself, but I'm curious to have a long term partner and want someone who is looking for the same. And someone who knows we are going to have peaks and troughs, and who is committed to working together through both.