A review by whiskersoda
Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss by Hope Edelman

challenging emotional hopeful reflective sad medium-paced

4.0

Heads up for lesbian “motherless daughters”. I read the only edition my library had — from 2006. I REALLY hope the section that discusses lesbian experience with mother loss has been updated in subsequent years. There are a scant few instances in which the author mentions lesbians. Maybe 2 or 3 pages. The overall discussion of love, attraction, fathers, etc. was heteronormative and full of odd pseudo-psychological assumptions. Including the homophobic implication that women who seek sexual relationships with other women are simply looking for someone to mother them. As a lesbian, this was deeply alienating and offensive — I put the book down for a few weeks and came back to finish it, trying to forget what I read. It’s a huge shame because the book is so rich and meaningful. Wish the author had interviewed more than one lesbian for her survey. Ironically Adrienne Rich and Virginia Woolf are quoted later in the book… 

With that out of the way — I did find this book very helpful in processing the death of my mother. I fully believe the author’s omissions/assumptions were not malicious. 

This is a difficult and emotional read, full of personal experiences with grief. Take a few breaks if you need to! The book is definitely geared towards women who lost their mothers at a young age. My mother passed away when I was in my early 20s — but I still found value in the book. I particularly appreciated the last section, “The Female Phoenix.” Lots of inspiring and hopeful stories about growth and life after loss. I can see myself returning to this book in several years. Still trying to make peace with grief but this helped me take a step forward.