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A review by realalexmartin
Just Friends: On the Joy, Power and Influence of Friendship by Gyan Yankovich
informative
lighthearted
fast-paced
3.0
I went into this book not knowing much about the author or her intentions with what she wanted to say, I simply knew the title and assumed that this would be a deep dive into the complexities of platonic relationships. I cannot confidently say that this is what I read.
While it’s true that the book does discuss friendship, I would say it cast the net wide rather than deep, and this is where most of my issues lay. Yankovich relies on numerous anecdotal sources to inform her book, and while this isn’t objectively a bad thing (in the case of discussing friendship, it’d be impossible to not consider these perspectives) it does mean that the book turns towards a “self-help” type narrative over a critical discussion. At times, Yankovich seems to be giving/regurgitating advice on how to keep or make friends in the modern world, especially as adults. Again, there’s nothing wrong with this, especially considering how popular the disaster of a book ‘How To Win Friends & Influence People’ is (a critique of this book would’ve actually made Yankovich’s work a bit more intriguing by the by) but this isn’t how the book sells itself. It sells itself as a study of how friendship is perceived in society, arguing for a reevaluation and further appreciation for platonic relationships. This argument cannot be made or won through interpersonal advice.
To give credit where credit is due, Yankovich does engage with many academic or academic-adjacent texts that do, at times, bolster her argument. But again, she casts her net wide, teetering just below the surface, and the book never truly falls into deep analysis and complex persuasion. I think one thing that is truly missing from the book is a critical analysis in how friendship is depicted and written about in art and other cultural mediums. In his essay “The Good of Friendship”, Alexander Nehamas discusses how difficult it is to represent friendship within art without leaning too far into romantic or familial tropes, pondering on how to sit comfortably within the ambiguity of friendship. I can see Yankovich benefitting from a similar type of analysis, especially towards the latter half of her book, with a analytical focus on why platonic relationships are difficult to represent in art naturally leading to a greater discussion on the perception of platonic relationships in society. But the discussion never seems to run this deep, and the lack of critical analysis disallows for this book to confidently argue its point.
The chapter on grief and loss in friendship was the highlight of the book. It had a perfect combination of anecdotal and critical sources, with a focus on the real-world emotional impacts society’s lesser opinion on platonic relationships has. This is where the book’s argument was at its strongest, and where I felt a persuasive convergence of emotional and analytical writing that went beyond self-help. I am also conscious that the intense emotional core of this chapter could also be colouring my perception of the chapter, but perhaps this is what I was craving for the entire book. As I found the text to be lacking depth, the inclusion of a chapter with an intense emotional core seems to make up for that lack while simultaneously highlighting the severity of this lack. Every other chapter seems to be working with a weaker core, or thesis, disjointing my investment to Yankovich’s argument. The chapter on grief stuck out because of its strong core, even though the strength of its core was not necessarily in its thesis, but its emotional impact. Had the book had a consistently stronger core, be it emotional or theoretical, I would not have felt the same sense of lack as I did while reading this book.
All in all, this book is for those who wish to know more about themselves and their personal relationship with capital ‘f’ Friendship. No more, no less.
While it’s true that the book does discuss friendship, I would say it cast the net wide rather than deep, and this is where most of my issues lay. Yankovich relies on numerous anecdotal sources to inform her book, and while this isn’t objectively a bad thing (in the case of discussing friendship, it’d be impossible to not consider these perspectives) it does mean that the book turns towards a “self-help” type narrative over a critical discussion. At times, Yankovich seems to be giving/regurgitating advice on how to keep or make friends in the modern world, especially as adults. Again, there’s nothing wrong with this, especially considering how popular the disaster of a book ‘How To Win Friends & Influence People’ is (a critique of this book would’ve actually made Yankovich’s work a bit more intriguing by the by) but this isn’t how the book sells itself. It sells itself as a study of how friendship is perceived in society, arguing for a reevaluation and further appreciation for platonic relationships. This argument cannot be made or won through interpersonal advice.
To give credit where credit is due, Yankovich does engage with many academic or academic-adjacent texts that do, at times, bolster her argument. But again, she casts her net wide, teetering just below the surface, and the book never truly falls into deep analysis and complex persuasion. I think one thing that is truly missing from the book is a critical analysis in how friendship is depicted and written about in art and other cultural mediums. In his essay “The Good of Friendship”, Alexander Nehamas discusses how difficult it is to represent friendship within art without leaning too far into romantic or familial tropes, pondering on how to sit comfortably within the ambiguity of friendship. I can see Yankovich benefitting from a similar type of analysis, especially towards the latter half of her book, with a analytical focus on why platonic relationships are difficult to represent in art naturally leading to a greater discussion on the perception of platonic relationships in society. But the discussion never seems to run this deep, and the lack of critical analysis disallows for this book to confidently argue its point.
The chapter on grief and loss in friendship was the highlight of the book. It had a perfect combination of anecdotal and critical sources, with a focus on the real-world emotional impacts society’s lesser opinion on platonic relationships has. This is where the book’s argument was at its strongest, and where I felt a persuasive convergence of emotional and analytical writing that went beyond self-help. I am also conscious that the intense emotional core of this chapter could also be colouring my perception of the chapter, but perhaps this is what I was craving for the entire book. As I found the text to be lacking depth, the inclusion of a chapter with an intense emotional core seems to make up for that lack while simultaneously highlighting the severity of this lack. Every other chapter seems to be working with a weaker core, or thesis, disjointing my investment to Yankovich’s argument. The chapter on grief stuck out because of its strong core, even though the strength of its core was not necessarily in its thesis, but its emotional impact. Had the book had a consistently stronger core, be it emotional or theoretical, I would not have felt the same sense of lack as I did while reading this book.
All in all, this book is for those who wish to know more about themselves and their personal relationship with capital ‘f’ Friendship. No more, no less.