A review by sadiereadsagain
Split: A Memoir of Divorce by Suzanne Finnamore
3.0
This is one of a few divorce memoirs I bought to get me through the end of my own marriage. This is very different to the first of these I read ([a:Liadan Hynes|20020327|Liadan Hynes|https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/u_50x66-632230dc9882b4352d753eedf9396530.png]' [b:How to Fall Apart: Things I’ve Learned About Losing and Finding Love|51286888|How to Fall Apart Things I’ve Learned About Losing and Finding Love|Liadan Hynes|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1581773182l/51286888._SY75_.jpg|75999417], which is very focused on what she did to heal and is more of a self-help book), in that it is laser-focused on Finnamore's own feelings and reactions. I really enjoyed that perspective. It also deals directly with infidelity, which I feel gives a divorce a very different taint.
This book is structured around the stages of grief, which I really appreciated. Given that divorce is so commonplace in modern society, it can often not be taken as seriously in the eyes of others when someone is experiencing it. But it really is a loss akin to a death, particularly when the circumstances around it mean that one partner was not expecting it and doesn't want it, and when the actions of the divorcing spouse leave the bereft one feeling as if they didn't really know that person at all.
Finnamore opens this memoir at the exact moment her husband told her he wanted a divorce, and details the drip-truth as the pieces around his sudden announcement slowly fit into place. She is honest about the red flags leading up to the marriage breakdown which she either ignored or didn't see; how she used alcohol to cope; how difficult it was for her to function, and even about the things that many desperate abandoned partners will do to try and prevent the destruction of the life and family they had built. Throughout this, she also has some quirky but wonderful characters who rally round to support her, share in her disbelief and give her some tough love along the way. She maintains a snarkiness and dark humour that really spoke to me, and I appreciated her pettiness. She keeps it real, which is essential because the myth of the dignified divorcee is a narrative that serves no one except those who want to hurt others with impunity.
What I felt was lacking was a context for the marriage so we can really empathise with her reaction in the fallout. We learn next to nothing about her ex or their relationship. But I understand that it would be incredibly hard to write about the good times once they have been lost, especially when they have been cancelled out by all that came after. I also get the feeling this was written when things were still fairly raw, so what we miss in the reminiscing we gain in the honesty of her divorce experience.
I hope Suzanne has been able to put this time in her life behind her, and flourish in the years since she wrote this.
This book is structured around the stages of grief, which I really appreciated. Given that divorce is so commonplace in modern society, it can often not be taken as seriously in the eyes of others when someone is experiencing it. But it really is a loss akin to a death, particularly when the circumstances around it mean that one partner was not expecting it and doesn't want it, and when the actions of the divorcing spouse leave the bereft one feeling as if they didn't really know that person at all.
Finnamore opens this memoir at the exact moment her husband told her he wanted a divorce, and details the drip-truth as the pieces around his sudden announcement slowly fit into place. She is honest about the red flags leading up to the marriage breakdown which she either ignored or didn't see; how she used alcohol to cope; how difficult it was for her to function, and even about the things that many desperate abandoned partners will do to try and prevent the destruction of the life and family they had built. Throughout this, she also has some quirky but wonderful characters who rally round to support her, share in her disbelief and give her some tough love along the way. She maintains a snarkiness and dark humour that really spoke to me, and I appreciated her pettiness. She keeps it real, which is essential because the myth of the dignified divorcee is a narrative that serves no one except those who want to hurt others with impunity.
What I felt was lacking was a context for the marriage so we can really empathise with her reaction in the fallout. We learn next to nothing about her ex or their relationship. But I understand that it would be incredibly hard to write about the good times once they have been lost, especially when they have been cancelled out by all that came after. I also get the feeling this was written when things were still fairly raw, so what we miss in the reminiscing we gain in the honesty of her divorce experience.
I hope Suzanne has been able to put this time in her life behind her, and flourish in the years since she wrote this.