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A review by rhythmofryn
Autoboyography by Christina Lauren
challenging
emotional
reflective
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
3.0
OKAY LOOK. I was born and raised in Salt Lake City, Utah and a lifelong member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I’m also bisexual. If anyone was going to be able to unpack this book, I dare say, it’s me.
Things that I liked:
-Tanner’s parents. Their support was so wholesome and kind an realistic and I appreciated it deeply.
-lack of biphobia. We LOVE to see it. Tanner is bi and sees no issue in that and never has a crisis about liking people of any gender. Lack of negative stereotypes 🥳 💖💜💙
-the lack of demonizing the Church and its members. I was SCARED going into this because I thought it’d be a soapbox for the authors to bash the Church and say that it’s evil and all its members are homophobic sheep cult members, etc. Everyone hates the Mormons and thinks we’re freaks so you learn to start flinching preemptively. This book didn’t do this. Tanner’s POV was unfamiliar with the Church which made sense bc the authors could explain to him and the audience, but there was real and genuine attempt to understand what it’s like to be a member and the culture here and I cannot overstate how much I appreciated that respect for my beliefs.
-Tanner’s mom leaving the Church. I hate to think that people could ever be so homophobic towards their own family but seriously, decades ago, it was bad and her beef with the Church and wanting to shield Tanner from that were very relatable and real to me. Helped the parent position a lot.
-the weather descriptions were perfect lol? That’s a Utah winter babey
-fascinated by the descriptions of how people dress and act here. Are we really that well-groomed?? Gonna be real, never lived outside Utah and I don’t have a ton of non-member friends so I can’t speak for this one. Also, I never picked up on the “must be polite always” thing but yeah that’s so real.
-that moment of being outed and seen as other and being terrified and knowing you shouldn’t be but you are and you’re so worried that this will completely shift how people view you and then you’ll no longer be worthy of their love??? …yeah. No further comment.
-constant hope of future revelation from the Prophet to change everything? …also yeah. If we could lift the Priesthood restrictions, what else could change 🤞😔
Things I didn’t like:
-no one they met was named Nephi/Ephraim/Teancum/Moroni/Alma/Sariah lmao. Points off for realism. (I’m 100% not joking here because I’ve personally met or known of people with all of these names)
holy sweet glory someone tell me why Tanner and Autumn had sex. It added nothing to the story, didn’t even really meaningfully change their friendship (how???), and didn’t present a major source of conflict for Tanner and Seb so like hello?? Why??
-I’m just super confused about how Seb was apparently grappling with his sexuality the whole time and alsohis worthiness?? I wasn’t clear if Tanner and Seb had legit sex but even as far as they got that I could tell, that’s enough to disqualify you from a mission so if he’s really so devout, then ??? Also, I feel like there’s no way that Seb’s mom could submit his papers for him. He would have to do it himself so smh.
-THE RANDOM POV SHIFTS. We start in 1st person POV for Tanner and then it shifts to 3rd person for Seb and I was like okay weird but that’s fine but THEN IT WENT TO 3rd person for Tanner???? And then the book ended in 1st person for Tanner. Hate it. Make a choice y’all and stay consistent.
-Sebastian as a a character. Tbh I was disappointed. I was looking for some real grappling with doctrine and attraction and wanting something but feeling that’s it’s wrong and contemplating sacrificing your entire culture and identity and being absolutely terrified and I feel like I kinda got that but not really. I know that the authors probably felt like they couldn’t write that super personal struggle from Seb’s point of view so they choose to center on Tanner. As a queer person, I wanted to see that struggle. Sebastian believed that he wasn’t wrong in his feelings and I guess I always did believe I was wrong. While I’m typing this, I’m realizing this didn’t hit for *me* because it doesn’t align with my experience and what I wanted to see but it might work for other religious queer people.
In conclusion, I appreciate a lot of this but I have a lot of issues with it. 3 ⭐️
Things that I liked:
-Tanner’s parents. Their support was so wholesome and kind an realistic and I appreciated it deeply.
-lack of biphobia. We LOVE to see it. Tanner is bi and sees no issue in that and never has a crisis about liking people of any gender. Lack of negative stereotypes 🥳 💖💜💙
-the lack of demonizing the Church and its members. I was SCARED going into this because I thought it’d be a soapbox for the authors to bash the Church and say that it’s evil and all its members are homophobic sheep cult members, etc. Everyone hates the Mormons and thinks we’re freaks so you learn to start flinching preemptively. This book didn’t do this. Tanner’s POV was unfamiliar with the Church which made sense bc the authors could explain to him and the audience, but there was real and genuine attempt to understand what it’s like to be a member and the culture here and I cannot overstate how much I appreciated that respect for my beliefs.
-Tanner’s mom leaving the Church. I hate to think that people could ever be so homophobic towards their own family but seriously, decades ago, it was bad and her beef with the Church and wanting to shield Tanner from that were very relatable and real to me. Helped the parent position a lot.
-the weather descriptions were perfect lol? That’s a Utah winter babey
-fascinated by the descriptions of how people dress and act here. Are we really that well-groomed?? Gonna be real, never lived outside Utah and I don’t have a ton of non-member friends so I can’t speak for this one. Also, I never picked up on the “must be polite always” thing but yeah that’s so real.
-that moment of being outed and seen as other and being terrified and knowing you shouldn’t be but you are and you’re so worried that this will completely shift how people view you and then you’ll no longer be worthy of their love??? …yeah. No further comment.
-constant hope of future revelation from the Prophet to change everything? …also yeah. If we could lift the Priesthood restrictions, what else could change 🤞😔
Things I didn’t like:
-no one they met was named Nephi/Ephraim/Teancum/Moroni/Alma/Sariah lmao. Points off for realism. (I’m 100% not joking here because I’ve personally met or known of people with all of these names)
-I’m just super confused about how Seb was apparently grappling with his sexuality the whole time and also
-THE RANDOM POV SHIFTS. We start in 1st person POV for Tanner and then it shifts to 3rd person for Seb and I was like okay weird but that’s fine but THEN IT WENT TO 3rd person for Tanner???? And then the book ended in 1st person for Tanner. Hate it. Make a choice y’all and stay consistent.
-Sebastian as a a character. Tbh I was disappointed. I was looking for some real grappling with doctrine and attraction and wanting something but feeling that’s it’s wrong and contemplating sacrificing your entire culture and identity and being absolutely terrified and I feel like I kinda got that but not really. I know that the authors probably felt like they couldn’t write that super personal struggle from Seb’s point of view so they choose to center on Tanner. As a queer person, I wanted to see that struggle. Sebastian believed that he wasn’t wrong in his feelings and I guess I always did believe I was wrong. While I’m typing this, I’m realizing this didn’t hit for *me* because it doesn’t align with my experience and what I wanted to see but it might work for other religious queer people.
In conclusion, I appreciate a lot of this but I have a lot of issues with it. 3 ⭐️
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse and Homophobia
Moderate: Sexual content and Religious bigotry