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A review by cynthiabbz
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
3.0
This book is outdated. The writer writes from his perspective only. He says “In my experience” over and over. He talks about research, studies, books, professionals, etc. But does NOT provide any references at all.
The gist of the book is this: Men are abusive because they are self centered and entitled. The writer says men are not abusive because they were abused as children, then later on says an abusers come from abusive homes where they may, or may not, have been on the receiving end of brutal abuse. He also says men are abusive because of their environment; the oppressive characteristics found in his: family, friends, community, music, movies, porn, etc. Then he says that some men that he’s up in the same situations simply choose to become advocates for women, against abusive men. He contradicts himself, and doesn’t back up his “fact” statements with any proof.
He has *some* good insight that may be helpful for the abused person to read when he or she is in the trenches of the abusive relationship ship. Such insight can help to loosen the blindfold and help her begin the journey towards wanting self respect. However, he also offers what I would consider unhealthy advice: if your husband blames his exes for xyz, you should go and talk to her and see if it’s true. I just found that to be weird.
I wouldn’t recommend this book as an educational resource on why or where the abusiveness traits of a person comes from because I feel that it fails to explain it properly. I may recommend this book to victims in the trenches that need some basic I sight to begin to take off the blindfold.
My biggest issue is that this book hasn’t been updated since it published in 2002. It’s 2020, there’s new research, new therapies, etc.
The gist of the book is this: Men are abusive because they are self centered and entitled. The writer says men are not abusive because they were abused as children, then later on says an abusers come from abusive homes where they may, or may not, have been on the receiving end of brutal abuse. He also says men are abusive because of their environment; the oppressive characteristics found in his: family, friends, community, music, movies, porn, etc. Then he says that some men that he’s up in the same situations simply choose to become advocates for women, against abusive men. He contradicts himself, and doesn’t back up his “fact” statements with any proof.
He has *some* good insight that may be helpful for the abused person to read when he or she is in the trenches of the abusive relationship ship. Such insight can help to loosen the blindfold and help her begin the journey towards wanting self respect. However, he also offers what I would consider unhealthy advice: if your husband blames his exes for xyz, you should go and talk to her and see if it’s true. I just found that to be weird.
I wouldn’t recommend this book as an educational resource on why or where the abusiveness traits of a person comes from because I feel that it fails to explain it properly. I may recommend this book to victims in the trenches that need some basic I sight to begin to take off the blindfold.
My biggest issue is that this book hasn’t been updated since it published in 2002. It’s 2020, there’s new research, new therapies, etc.