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A review by canada_matt
1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 by Thomas W. Phelan
4.0
I picked up Phelan's 1-2-3 Magic after having it recommended by my son's paediatrician. I was not entirely sure what to expect, as many people have told me that parenting, even discipline, is not rocket science. Truth be told, it had become a daunting and somewhat overwhelming task for me and I thought that if anything could help, I'd give it a try. Phelan chooses to break the book (and the system) down into three digestible portions: dealing with obnoxious behaviour, creating and sticking with routines, and strengthening parent-child relationships. He presents the system not as anything overly complex, but sometimes overlooked in the hustle and bustle of the every day life of a parent. By using basic techniques to tackle STOP behaviours (read: obnoxious), Phelan empowers the parent with a counting system sure to reap rewards if handled effectively. He differentiates this from START behaviours (things that need to be part of a regular routine or that NEED doing) by setting up praise, organising time limitations, injecting consequences, and following through in an emotionally neutral manner. All this, while continuing to foster the needed relationship with children so that they not only respect you as the parents (and not only for your disciplinarian skills) but also as a fellow human being. In a few short hours, any parent can be well on the way to better control of the situation and keep the emotional waves from crashing down on top of the household. Phelan lays it all out and makes it fun to learn.
The techniques Phelan professes are not anything you'd likely not agree with from the outset, but it is always better to see them supported with explanations and examples rather than off the cuff comments from other parents as they roll their eyes. The book is a wonderful tool to help build up parental confidence as well as structuring the household in a calm and level-headed manner. Parents and children alike will surely benefit from the skills and options presented in the twenty-five chapters, although neither may be as energetic in the early days. Empowerment is key, while respect is also an essential part of Phelan's program and it can all be done in a few weeks, with willing parental participants. With easy to understand explanations and no psychobabble, Phelan is able to sell the idea quite easily and helps parents retain control of the household, while not appearing overly dictatorial and frigid.
Kudos, Dr. Phelan for such a great book that helped boost my confidence in what will surely be a trying task.
The techniques Phelan professes are not anything you'd likely not agree with from the outset, but it is always better to see them supported with explanations and examples rather than off the cuff comments from other parents as they roll their eyes. The book is a wonderful tool to help build up parental confidence as well as structuring the household in a calm and level-headed manner. Parents and children alike will surely benefit from the skills and options presented in the twenty-five chapters, although neither may be as energetic in the early days. Empowerment is key, while respect is also an essential part of Phelan's program and it can all be done in a few weeks, with willing parental participants. With easy to understand explanations and no psychobabble, Phelan is able to sell the idea quite easily and helps parents retain control of the household, while not appearing overly dictatorial and frigid.
Kudos, Dr. Phelan for such a great book that helped boost my confidence in what will surely be a trying task.