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A review by inthecommonhours
Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting by Myla Kabat-Zinn, Jon Kabat-Zinn
3.0
A library check out that I didn't finish. I liked it but it didn't keep my attention. I think I like the idea of it more than the book itself.
ETA: The above was written in 2008, and true.
In 2011, I read it with a sangha/mindful mamas group, and finally read the whole thing. Definitely got more out of it in this context.
A few passages I marked:
"Boys need the presence of competent, embodied men in their lives, men who DO know who they are and are not afraid of or numb to how they feel, men who are empathic and accepting, playful, wild and soulful, who are not enslaved by their work, and don't fear or hate women. The presence of strong, empathic men in the fole of father, grandfather or mentor is always important for young boys, but it is needed more and more as boys move into adolescence. The transition from boy to man requires a vision, a new way of seeing, and a new way of being in the body." p.271
"Children want so much to feel "normal" in what they can do and see, and they compare themselves, naturally enough, to what their friends are allowed to do and watch, and how they behave. What is considered "normal" in our society is often violent, cruel, and much of the time, demeaning to women. It is so ever present that we can become inured to it and hardly see it at all...Our girls truly need us as their allies in a culture where their way of seeing things---and what may be most important to them---is often not valued or even acknowledged." p.286
p. 328 paraphrasing: "It is essential that parents, schools and communities collaborate and provide opportunities / activities that naturally build self-awareness, along with self-discipline and self-confidence. Having more and more freedom and faced with all sorts of choices, some of which are destructive and dangerous...older children must develop self-awareness---in touch with what they are feeling in any given situation, including highly conflicted feelings, and to ask themselves what it is they really need. With some self-awareness, they are more likely to make healthier choices and better able to set their own limits and boundaries." p. 328
Loved the chapter on "Minding Our Own Business" p. 330 "...(for them to trust us) requires presence and availability on our part. It also requires a healthy respect for interiority, for the inner life we can never know of someone else, and are lucky if we can recognize in oneself,...It is a delicate balance, requiring a high degree os sensitivity, discernment and patience. Patience and presence without prying or probing or being overbearing, and without judging them when our children do share something with us...
Our job is to take care of our own inner business, the business of our own mind, our own body, our own relationships, and our own life, according the same freedome and respect to our children as they make the transition from total dependency as small children to independent and interdependent adults.
The heart of the book for me is p. 353..."our children's attempts to be accepted for who they actually are, rather than for what we---in our ignorance of how things are, and out of our own fears---might want them to be." If we pretend...stuff the invalid or unaccepted parts of ourselves, they fester and grow toxic from lack of acknowledgement and expression. They linger there and can influence our life trajectory in momentous ways we may not see...
There is a list of intentions and exercises in the back that distill the book even more. I found it cumbersome, overly wordy, and could not stick to it on my own, but with a group to pull me through it, I found much to admire and take to heart.
ETA: The above was written in 2008, and true.
In 2011, I read it with a sangha/mindful mamas group, and finally read the whole thing. Definitely got more out of it in this context.
A few passages I marked:
"Boys need the presence of competent, embodied men in their lives, men who DO know who they are and are not afraid of or numb to how they feel, men who are empathic and accepting, playful, wild and soulful, who are not enslaved by their work, and don't fear or hate women. The presence of strong, empathic men in the fole of father, grandfather or mentor is always important for young boys, but it is needed more and more as boys move into adolescence. The transition from boy to man requires a vision, a new way of seeing, and a new way of being in the body." p.271
"Children want so much to feel "normal" in what they can do and see, and they compare themselves, naturally enough, to what their friends are allowed to do and watch, and how they behave. What is considered "normal" in our society is often violent, cruel, and much of the time, demeaning to women. It is so ever present that we can become inured to it and hardly see it at all...Our girls truly need us as their allies in a culture where their way of seeing things---and what may be most important to them---is often not valued or even acknowledged." p.286
p. 328 paraphrasing: "It is essential that parents, schools and communities collaborate and provide opportunities / activities that naturally build self-awareness, along with self-discipline and self-confidence. Having more and more freedom and faced with all sorts of choices, some of which are destructive and dangerous...older children must develop self-awareness---in touch with what they are feeling in any given situation, including highly conflicted feelings, and to ask themselves what it is they really need. With some self-awareness, they are more likely to make healthier choices and better able to set their own limits and boundaries." p. 328
Loved the chapter on "Minding Our Own Business" p. 330 "...(for them to trust us) requires presence and availability on our part. It also requires a healthy respect for interiority, for the inner life we can never know of someone else, and are lucky if we can recognize in oneself,...It is a delicate balance, requiring a high degree os sensitivity, discernment and patience. Patience and presence without prying or probing or being overbearing, and without judging them when our children do share something with us...
Our job is to take care of our own inner business, the business of our own mind, our own body, our own relationships, and our own life, according the same freedome and respect to our children as they make the transition from total dependency as small children to independent and interdependent adults.
The heart of the book for me is p. 353..."our children's attempts to be accepted for who they actually are, rather than for what we---in our ignorance of how things are, and out of our own fears---might want them to be." If we pretend...stuff the invalid or unaccepted parts of ourselves, they fester and grow toxic from lack of acknowledgement and expression. They linger there and can influence our life trajectory in momentous ways we may not see...
There is a list of intentions and exercises in the back that distill the book even more. I found it cumbersome, overly wordy, and could not stick to it on my own, but with a group to pull me through it, I found much to admire and take to heart.