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A review by lanikei
Make Love Not Porn: Technology's Hardcore Impact on Human Behavior by Rodger Ruzanka, Cindy Gallop
5.0
I first saw the TED talk this book came from here. Go watch it first, it's quite short. If you're intrigued, pick up this book.
I'm not a porn viewer myself, but most of my boyfriends have been pretty open about their porn, and I don't object to the idea of pornographic material. But I do worry about the portrayal of women in (mainstream) pornography, which is what I thought this talk and book would target. But that isn't the impact Gallop is talking about, it's much more personal than that. So I was surprised, and startled, by the points made in the talk, and even more so in the book.
I seem to be right in the demographic of women with all of my sexual partners in the 'free internet porn' generation. So almost all of my partners have been influenced by their porn viewing, and I can even recognize some of the 'symptoms' as being more obvious in the men I have slept with who were more into porn than the others. And although I've never objected to the viewing of porn or had to 'pretend he didn't watch it', after reading this book I'm suddenly more aware of how this has impacted my sex life in ways I didn't expect and don't exactly approve of.
Gallop isn't addressing the 'feminist' aspect of porn - how much of it involves the objectification and infantilization of women if not the downright degradation of women. She is noting how some of the 'tropes' in porn - shaved pussy, 'money shots', positions that 'cheat out' for better camera angles - have filtered into the sexual education of porn viewers. And many of the things she notes have been part of my sexual experience since it started despite my lack of much experience with porn myself.
The book opened my eyes and made me cringe in some ways. Not because porn is bad, but because it is the first and often only sexual education that many people my age are receiving. Gallop isn't just talking the "sex ed" we get in school about VDs and pregnancy, but the learning about our own sexual experiences, things that used to be learned together with a partner rather than from an industry with a totally different angle (literally) on sex. It sets expectations about universal preferences and physical appearances, and by doing so, sexual partners don't explore their own preferences since they're following 'norms' presented by the porn they view.
Totally shocking read. There are certainly some flaws, this stuff isn't based on science, it's anecdotal observations. But these are some reasonable points that she makes and both the video and book are quite short and can't accommodate much back and forth on the ideas Gallop presents. The book is also very heteronormative, since it is largely from Gallop's personal experiences, and she acknowledges this flaw. However the premise of the book is the same, and I assume gay porn has many similar tropes that have impacted gay sex practices in the same ways. But despite the flaws, the book starts a discussion which I think is the point.
I'm not a porn viewer myself, but most of my boyfriends have been pretty open about their porn, and I don't object to the idea of pornographic material. But I do worry about the portrayal of women in (mainstream) pornography, which is what I thought this talk and book would target. But that isn't the impact Gallop is talking about, it's much more personal than that. So I was surprised, and startled, by the points made in the talk, and even more so in the book.
I seem to be right in the demographic of women with all of my sexual partners in the 'free internet porn' generation. So almost all of my partners have been influenced by their porn viewing, and I can even recognize some of the 'symptoms' as being more obvious in the men I have slept with who were more into porn than the others. And although I've never objected to the viewing of porn or had to 'pretend he didn't watch it', after reading this book I'm suddenly more aware of how this has impacted my sex life in ways I didn't expect and don't exactly approve of.
Gallop isn't addressing the 'feminist' aspect of porn - how much of it involves the objectification and infantilization of women if not the downright degradation of women. She is noting how some of the 'tropes' in porn - shaved pussy, 'money shots', positions that 'cheat out' for better camera angles - have filtered into the sexual education of porn viewers. And many of the things she notes have been part of my sexual experience since it started despite my lack of much experience with porn myself.
The book opened my eyes and made me cringe in some ways. Not because porn is bad, but because it is the first and often only sexual education that many people my age are receiving. Gallop isn't just talking the "sex ed" we get in school about VDs and pregnancy, but the learning about our own sexual experiences, things that used to be learned together with a partner rather than from an industry with a totally different angle (literally) on sex. It sets expectations about universal preferences and physical appearances, and by doing so, sexual partners don't explore their own preferences since they're following 'norms' presented by the porn they view.
Totally shocking read. There are certainly some flaws, this stuff isn't based on science, it's anecdotal observations. But these are some reasonable points that she makes and both the video and book are quite short and can't accommodate much back and forth on the ideas Gallop presents. The book is also very heteronormative, since it is largely from Gallop's personal experiences, and she acknowledges this flaw. However the premise of the book is the same, and I assume gay porn has many similar tropes that have impacted gay sex practices in the same ways. But despite the flaws, the book starts a discussion which I think is the point.