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A review by dandelionnetwork
Dear Senthuran: A Black Spirit Memoir by Akwaeke Emezi
dark
emotional
reflective
slow-paced
5.0
This memoir isn't a light read. I honestly wasn't sure what I was getting myself into; all I knew is that Emezi had written a memoir and as someone who is also nonbinary, I was interested to see what they had to say about their life and experiences. I definitely got that and more. Emezi is more than nonbinary, they are ogbanje - a spirit and a god. We learn a lot about what it means to be one throughout all the letters and I'm happy I read this before reading their book FRESHWATER, as it gave me an understanding of the book's premise and what ideas and beliefs they're pulling from.
The memoir covers a lot on the discussion of identity, mental health, achieving one's dreams, and self destruction. There's quite a bit talk of what the inside of human looks like, as Emezi grew up in an area of Nigeria where violence and death were much more out in the open compared to other communities. They talk about their suicide ideation and multiple suicide attempts, in addition to sexual assault. Like I said, it's not an easy read.
But what I take away most from this book is the way Emezi is so sure of who and what they are in a world that would deem them only human and cisgender. They knew immediately what they were since they were a child and find solace in that knowledge over and over again. It's not bravery to say out loud what you are in a world that would deem it insane or even just weird. It's just the truth and people may do with that what they will. There is no fear in them to say they are ogbanje. It's all pride and it's all truth. And I believe them. That self assurance, I want it and need it.
There's something more personal here that I realized for myself, identity-wise, but I rather not say it out loud. Not out of fear of being judged but more than I haven't quite landed on the answer myself. It's not whole and I'm still figuring it out. But having read this memoir I feel closer to it.
The memoir covers a lot on the discussion of identity, mental health, achieving one's dreams, and self destruction. There's quite a bit talk of what the inside of human looks like, as Emezi grew up in an area of Nigeria where violence and death were much more out in the open compared to other communities. They talk about their suicide ideation and multiple suicide attempts, in addition to sexual assault. Like I said, it's not an easy read.
But what I take away most from this book is the way Emezi is so sure of who and what they are in a world that would deem them only human and cisgender. They knew immediately what they were since they were a child and find solace in that knowledge over and over again. It's not bravery to say out loud what you are in a world that would deem it insane or even just weird. It's just the truth and people may do with that what they will. There is no fear in them to say they are ogbanje. It's all pride and it's all truth. And I believe them. That self assurance, I want it and need it.
There's something more personal here that I realized for myself, identity-wise, but I rather not say it out loud. Not out of fear of being judged but more than I haven't quite landed on the answer myself. It's not whole and I'm still figuring it out. But having read this memoir I feel closer to it.