A review by shadon
What the Fireflies Knew by Kai Harris

emotional reflective sad medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

But the truth bout the little orange caterpillar crawling around the bottom of my jar is that he will have to give himself up completely before he can become something new.

A beautiful tragedy of Black girlhood, and a summer that changes everything. A summer that is equal parts adventure and devastation. Everything is so vivid and descriptive, etched in a dreamy childlike wonder that I was completely immersed. I was there beside them in Lansing, sweating in the heat, climbing trees, and catching caterpillars. And I was there in that old house with the antique furniture and fireflies in the night sky.

This was beautifully written with a heart-achingly realistic portrait of the lives of so many children, forced to cope with more than they can begin to comprehend. Following KB, Nia, and their complicated family devastated me more than I can explain. From the first chapter, I knew this would hurt me and I was entirely right. it's just a terrible rollercoaster of emotions as bad things continue to happen to KB and the reader can do nothing about it, except hope that it gets better. It was sadness and more sadness until it crescendoed to a point where I had to stop reading and take a break.

KB was a typical inquisitive, bold little girl who tried her hardest to make the best of what she had. Reading as she explored her new environment was a delight, and although she had a tendency to feel older than her eleven years, it always made sense. She experienced more than she should have, seen and heard things that have made her grow up a little quicker. I loved the conversations she had with her grandad and her mother, and the clever ways she tried to understand the world around her.

As the bad things continue to pile up, you just want to whisk her away to somewhere she can be safe and happy - a child again. Some of what happened to her and what she experienced had me close to pulling my hair out. And so much of it is never resolved. I know we don't see the rest of her life, but the sexual assault especially felt like it was brushed past too quickly. I suppose I can assume she told her mother eventually, but she only brings it up once after it happens and then it's presumably all okay. That was disappointing, especially as it doesn't feel like it adds anything much for her to be assaulted except adding trauma.

Or maybe it did happen, cause God needed me to know happy just one time, so I would really feel it when He took it away.

KB and Nia's relationship was the crux of this novel, and it continued to break my heart. Nia's indifference toward her sister was infuriating but still somehow understandable because she is still a child. And KB's hatred of Nia that stemmed from that attitude never failed to devastate me. They spend the whole novel at odds, and I was silently hoping, we got a happy ending and that they could make up. Because sisters are complicated, but a sister is always a sister. And they are both two hurting girls experiencing such a great change that they don't truly know how to process it without lashing out.

They broke my heart a million times. Every time they fought or screamed at each other, it felt so real that I felt like I was watching a bond sever forever. All of the families' relationships felt so real. The girls and their mother, the girls and their father and momma and grandaddy. I loved how much of the focus was on how parents can make mistakes and how they are just as flawed as anyone else. 

Unfortunately, I thought the ending was a little unresolved. I'm glad it was happy and hopeful, but it still felt like it came too soon and rushed too fast. Nothing truly felt wrapped up or properly concluded. Suddenly everything was bad until it wasn't. Thankfully, it did not sour how beautiful and heartfelt his novel was.