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A review by evanaviary
Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, and Our Culture by Niobe Way
informative
reflective
medium-paced
3.75
"A culture that listens with curiosity, takes responsibility, and cares creates the internal change necessary for large-scale and significant structural, institutional, and community change."
Over ten years ago already, Niobe Way's book Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection became a seminal text on male friendships and connectivity in adolescent boys, and more precisely, how and why those friendships (and therefore, the connectivity) fall apart. Way's follow-up, Rebels with a Cause is a more expansive examination on male friendships and male loneliness, but in places feels like the same book as its predecessor, only with different case studies. Way asserts early on that "In this book, I reveal what boys and young men teach us about ourselves and the culture in which we live, why most of us are having a crisis of connection, and the solutions to the crisis that is not only specific to them but includes all those who live in 'boy' culture and who are struggling with such a crisis." Thirteen have passed since Way's last major book, and undoubtedly the culture around masculinity and connectivity has changed in that time. Our methods of communication have changed—the rise of social media that we've seen since 2011 plays a significant role in our social connectivity. While Way writes with a studied fascination, a clear expert in her field, the first part of the book—with chapters on human nature and boys' friendships—felt like a return to her previous book, insights I'd already read. As the book progresses, we start to enter newer territory, as Way writes about adherence and resistance to/from 'boy culture' and, later, about suicide and mass violence. But whereas it seems like Rebels should be an update to how cultures have shaped masculinities in the last 10 years, this book feels like it's playing it close to the surface: it covers a lot of ground, but never seems to go as deep as it should.
That said, the writing that Way puts forth is striking and relevant. As someone who watched Lukas Dhont's 2022 film Close and felt like I'd been run over by a truck afterwards, I appreciated Way's commentary on the film and how the American market perceived the film's depiction of male friendship as homosexuality—which speaks to how far we still have yet to go to normalize platonic intimacy. Way also positions this book as a hybrid between psychological studies/analyses and memoir. At times, Way writes about her own life and her pedagogies of teaching active listening exercises to her students. There is a more personal touch to this book as Way argues that the loneliness epidemic that boys face is not an isolated incident—it's something that affects us all. As common sense as it may seem, engaging in attentive listening and meaningful conversation establishes stronger connectivity that not only creates deeper bonds between boys, but between us all.
In the final chapter, Way writes that "Years ago, a fifteen-year-old boy asked me for whom I wrote my previous book about friendships. When I told him that I wrote it for parents and teachers, he looked at me quizzically and asked, 'Why not for us, as it would make us feel less alone?'" After finishing the book, I'm left a little conflicted. The book is introspective and researched in a way that's easy for anyone, early childhood psychology degree in tow or not, to read and relate to—but is it her best writing on the subject matter? Yes, Rebels has a broader scope, but I still think that if you're after Way's more succinct research on the topic, go for Deep Secrets, and if you've already read that, you'll still find a few new insights here, but it's much of the same findings repackaged for a different audience.
The final part, "Solutions", felt the most substantive, as Way gives insights into the exercises that she conducts in her doctorate programs to study connectivity, and how those findings can help to reshape how we think and talk about isolation and loneliness, both for 'boy culture' and for ourselves. Way seems to argue that boys' friendships are inextricably linked to broader cultures of masculinity that we're all affected by, and that if we want to change how we talk about masculinity, we have to change how we view male friendships (see previous comments on the film Close), and to change how we view those friendships, we have think more critically about connectivity and open communication as a guiding force towards reframing masculinities. Everything is connected. Everyone is connected.
Over ten years ago already, Niobe Way's book Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection became a seminal text on male friendships and connectivity in adolescent boys, and more precisely, how and why those friendships (and therefore, the connectivity) fall apart. Way's follow-up, Rebels with a Cause is a more expansive examination on male friendships and male loneliness, but in places feels like the same book as its predecessor, only with different case studies. Way asserts early on that "In this book, I reveal what boys and young men teach us about ourselves and the culture in which we live, why most of us are having a crisis of connection, and the solutions to the crisis that is not only specific to them but includes all those who live in 'boy' culture and who are struggling with such a crisis." Thirteen have passed since Way's last major book, and undoubtedly the culture around masculinity and connectivity has changed in that time. Our methods of communication have changed—the rise of social media that we've seen since 2011 plays a significant role in our social connectivity. While Way writes with a studied fascination, a clear expert in her field, the first part of the book—with chapters on human nature and boys' friendships—felt like a return to her previous book, insights I'd already read. As the book progresses, we start to enter newer territory, as Way writes about adherence and resistance to/from 'boy culture' and, later, about suicide and mass violence. But whereas it seems like Rebels should be an update to how cultures have shaped masculinities in the last 10 years, this book feels like it's playing it close to the surface: it covers a lot of ground, but never seems to go as deep as it should.
That said, the writing that Way puts forth is striking and relevant. As someone who watched Lukas Dhont's 2022 film Close and felt like I'd been run over by a truck afterwards, I appreciated Way's commentary on the film and how the American market perceived the film's depiction of male friendship as homosexuality—which speaks to how far we still have yet to go to normalize platonic intimacy. Way also positions this book as a hybrid between psychological studies/analyses and memoir. At times, Way writes about her own life and her pedagogies of teaching active listening exercises to her students. There is a more personal touch to this book as Way argues that the loneliness epidemic that boys face is not an isolated incident—it's something that affects us all. As common sense as it may seem, engaging in attentive listening and meaningful conversation establishes stronger connectivity that not only creates deeper bonds between boys, but between us all.
In the final chapter, Way writes that "Years ago, a fifteen-year-old boy asked me for whom I wrote my previous book about friendships. When I told him that I wrote it for parents and teachers, he looked at me quizzically and asked, 'Why not for us, as it would make us feel less alone?'" After finishing the book, I'm left a little conflicted. The book is introspective and researched in a way that's easy for anyone, early childhood psychology degree in tow or not, to read and relate to—but is it her best writing on the subject matter? Yes, Rebels has a broader scope, but I still think that if you're after Way's more succinct research on the topic, go for Deep Secrets, and if you've already read that, you'll still find a few new insights here, but it's much of the same findings repackaged for a different audience.
The final part, "Solutions", felt the most substantive, as Way gives insights into the exercises that she conducts in her doctorate programs to study connectivity, and how those findings can help to reshape how we think and talk about isolation and loneliness, both for 'boy culture' and for ourselves. Way seems to argue that boys' friendships are inextricably linked to broader cultures of masculinity that we're all affected by, and that if we want to change how we talk about masculinity, we have to change how we view male friendships (see previous comments on the film Close), and to change how we view those friendships, we have think more critically about connectivity and open communication as a guiding force towards reframing masculinities. Everything is connected. Everyone is connected.