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A review by helpfulsnowman
The Lost Jewels of Nabooti by R.A. Montgomery
1.0
The woman with a snake in her eye is completely without reason and completely awesome. And who doesn't want to walk around saying "Nabooti"?
For a bunch of stupid reasons that don't matter other than "Jewels of Nabooti", my cousins need me to come to Morocco. So I hop on a flight to France. On the flight, I'm seated next to a dude who has no fingernails, and he's scribbling the word "Nabooti" on a paper over and over. I'm told by the book that this behavior seems suspicious, and I agree. Although I can't put my finger(nail) on it...
Hint to bad guys: If you're going to have a creepy appearance, don't give yourself away further by writing what you're pursuing on a piece of paper over and over. If you're going to assassinate Weird Al, don't get on a plane and write "Weird Al" over and over and draw a bunch of guns pointing all over the place. This is a dead giveaway.
Also, don't kill Weird Al. That would be a loss, and also the internet would be unbearable for like three weeks. "Seventeen Reasons Why 'My Bologna' Is Great." #WeirdAlRIP. Heartfelt tributes from a bunch of jerks who just like writing heartfelt tributes. Ugh.
Anyway, back to the story.
When I arrive in France, I can choose to go with the no-fingernail creep, who invites me into his taxi. But I pass on that one. Then I meet up with "a tall woman with intense eyes and a muscular midget in a track suit." They try to convince me to go with them. The "midget" "grins in an evil way."
I decide not to go with them either. Which turns out to be a mistake because I'm seized by customs, they find a diamond sewn into my clothes somehow, and I get extradited to the states.
I feel manipulated. Couldn't the book have said, "The midget grins and you see a gold tooth" and then I could have thought, Hm. Gold tooth. Sounds evil? But no, the book straight-up told me the "midget" was grinning in an "evil" way. Why would I possibly think he might be up to anything good? I only have the information provided by the book, and that information was all pointing towards this dude being bad news.
Lesson Learned: If you're going to smuggle diamonds through customs, you know where you need to put them.
For a bunch of stupid reasons that don't matter other than "Jewels of Nabooti", my cousins need me to come to Morocco. So I hop on a flight to France. On the flight, I'm seated next to a dude who has no fingernails, and he's scribbling the word "Nabooti" on a paper over and over. I'm told by the book that this behavior seems suspicious, and I agree. Although I can't put my finger(nail) on it...
Hint to bad guys: If you're going to have a creepy appearance, don't give yourself away further by writing what you're pursuing on a piece of paper over and over. If you're going to assassinate Weird Al, don't get on a plane and write "Weird Al" over and over and draw a bunch of guns pointing all over the place. This is a dead giveaway.
Also, don't kill Weird Al. That would be a loss, and also the internet would be unbearable for like three weeks. "Seventeen Reasons Why 'My Bologna' Is Great." #WeirdAlRIP. Heartfelt tributes from a bunch of jerks who just like writing heartfelt tributes. Ugh.
Anyway, back to the story.
When I arrive in France, I can choose to go with the no-fingernail creep, who invites me into his taxi. But I pass on that one. Then I meet up with "a tall woman with intense eyes and a muscular midget in a track suit." They try to convince me to go with them. The "midget" "grins in an evil way."
I decide not to go with them either. Which turns out to be a mistake because I'm seized by customs, they find a diamond sewn into my clothes somehow, and I get extradited to the states.
I feel manipulated. Couldn't the book have said, "The midget grins and you see a gold tooth" and then I could have thought, Hm. Gold tooth. Sounds evil? But no, the book straight-up told me the "midget" was grinning in an "evil" way. Why would I possibly think he might be up to anything good? I only have the information provided by the book, and that information was all pointing towards this dude being bad news.
Lesson Learned: If you're going to smuggle diamonds through customs, you know where you need to put them.