Scan barcode
A review by sarahm96
The Long Game by Elena Armas
2.0
- it’s probably not a good sign that my eyes almost got stuck in my head when I read that Armas writes “multidimensional men”
- Bitch please Aaron’s whole character was that he was tall. Wrong kind of dimensions
- Listen I support women’s wrongs but generally speaking assault isn’t great
- Although we don’t know the reason yet so I’m semi-prepared to take this back
- *miranda priestly voice* A 6’2” man? In a romance novel? Groundbreaking
- Cameron seems to not take any shit & I have a feeling Adalyn’s going to need that
- People who coach children are saints
- Okay adalyn has to be actively trying to be a pain in the ass at this point
- Willow & Pierogi are A+ cat names
- I do have to admit that romance authors excel at naming pets & I begrudgingly include Elena Armas in that category
- Why Canada & America insist on using soccer instead of football will remain both a mystery & an irritation until the day I die
- Like okay fine the US can’t be like England or whatever but Canada loves to lean on their Commonwealth status
- Anyways this is a long way of saying that I agree with Cameron’s eyeroll
- Elena we don’t use small dick jokes in 2024
- It’s rude
- I actually like Cam a lot
- Part of me is tempted to go back & read It Happened One Summer to compare but also my whole body feels itchy at the thought of voluntarily subjecting myself to Tessa Bailey
- This is definitely a “darling” (sarcastic) to “darling” (endearment) situation & I am in fact here for it
- I like how Cam’s name has turned into a Benedict Cumberbatch situation
- Honourable mention to Mr Camelback
- Adalyn is feisty & I know it’s because she’s protecting herself but her dad SUCKS
- PTA moms are their own fucking breed I swear
- I don’t think they’re as much of a thing up here? But I could be wrong
- It is getting increasingly difficult to be on Adalyn’s side here… girly pop give it up
- “Not even a possibility”
- Famous last words my friend
- Diane needs to get lost
- Imagine being told “you don’t pass the vibe check” by a fucking nine year old
- Lowkey reminds me of my teens at work because they can be equally devastating
- Does Adalyn have a praise kink
- “I’d never slept around”
- The misogyny is coming from inside the house, Elena
- Oh Cameron my guy you are in bad shape
- The phrasing “x’s lips bent upward” has been used several times so far & I find it to be incredibly awkward? What’s wrong with tilted or curved or bent or any of the other normal, existing options?
- The variety of stores with the name Moe in them is hilarious
- I think we might have graduated to “darling” (endearment)
- This town needs fewer acronyms
- The irony of the spoiled girl who’s the daughter of a business tycoon & a model having “a sweet spot for hardworking people” is quite something
- Poor Brandy!
- Also, sidebar: that was a terrible way to end a chapter
- Coach Kisscam I am dead
- Banana Tonic is an excellent riff on Manila Blahnik
- There is something very entertaining about imagining a 6’2” soccer player teaching a woman how to throw pots
- Never a good sign when you’re getting turned on by a guy playing with clay
- Ahh so now we know why Adalyn snapped
- Listen these two really just need to fuck it out
- Why is Elena so bad at ending chapters????? I swear she’s trying make the endings terrible on purpose
- Cameron is actually the best & the worst I love him
- Oop found the daddy kink
- Spoiler alert it’s Cameron’s not Adalyn’s
- Didn’t have “ferrets as Cam & Adalyn stand-ins” on my bingo card but here we are
- I see we’ve graduated to “love”
- God I love when reserved people get high accidentally that shit is hilarious
- Adalyn stop castigating the man for living his damn life okay
- “You want to play, love? I’ll be your man then”
- DAMN
- These two need to stop eye fucking in front of children it is making me uncomfortable
- Maria is my favourite
- The more we see of Josie the more amped I am for her book
- I wanna know about the four ex fiances
- Why do words keep falling on this chick’s skin??!! That is not a thing & I don’t know why Elena insists on using such asinine phrasing
- Now I’m mad that i didn't keep track of all the times the words fell
- Alas
- I stg if they bang for the first time against a truck I am going to lose my shit
- I’m also going to need Elena to explain what the fuck a “rocky voice” is because I got nothin’
- Okay at this point Adalyn should know that Cameron won’t care about the video but it bothers me that she thinks he will because come on
- I am glad that Cameron gets Adalyn though, she needs someone in her corner considering that her father is an absolute fuckwit
- Oh no forest banging is not a better alternative to banging against a truck fyi
- Ooooo are things about to get fucking intense (there’s a tent & yes that joke is always funny to me idc)
- Never mind it was time for soul baring not genitals baring
- Booooooo
- Damn David & Andrew really did a number on this poor woman
- I might not be an Adalyn fan but jesus christ she did not deserve any of what David or her father did
- Imagine trading your daughter for marriage like I cannot fathom that
- There’s the praise kink
- Well at least Cameron has the good sense not to fuck in the woods
- Girly pop very few things are worse than being sixteen & we all know that
- Maricela is a time
- I’m here for it
- I am once again here to tell you that Andrew Underwood is trash
- This macho protective streak is absolutely going to bite Cam in the ass somehow
- Oop found the daddy kink
- Why am I actively dreading this sex scene
- (the answer is I have been previously traumatized by Elena Armas’ sex scenes)
- Small children throwing their parents’ lessons back at them is probably one of my favourite things ever
- ELENA FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WE DON’T USE CLEAN IN 2023 COME ON WHY IS THIS SO HARD FOR ROMANCE AUTHORS
- Negative is perfectly acceptable
- People who have STIs are not inherently dirty how many fucking times
- So everything makes Cameron hard
- How original
- Ahh it wasn’t the protective streak it was the secrecy
- Probably should have guessed that
- Look I am always a proponent of letting people decide what they do & don’t want to hear but I do actually kind of get where Cameron was coming from in this case
- Sigh what a wreck
- Honestly Maria for president
- Damn someone needs to take out Andrew Underwood because this man is a fucking monster
- Why is this woman’s phrasing/writing so terrible?? Who lets her write like this?? Where is her editor?? I HAVE QUESTIONS
- Lowkey a lil’ sad Cameron didn’t beat the shit out of David but I will absolutely settle for Adalyn punching him in the face & Kelly quitting after admitting to recording all the things
- I’m glad Kelly came through in the end
- Yes yes everyone is happy & in love & in therapy & down to fuxck each other’s brains out at any given second
- Huzzah or whatever
- That was interesting…? Honestly I’m pretty sure Armas’ writing style isn’t for me
- & yes I know I have low standards but too bad