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A review by dominic_t
Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story by Jacob Tobia
emotional
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
2.5
There were times in the book where Jacob showed a lot of insight or wrote a really beautiful passage, but those moments were overshadowed for me by their smug tone and seeming lack of self-awareness. They had a lot of moments of really over-the-top self-centeredness that they would then acknowledge with a wink in the footnotes. Like comparing themself to Jesus and Moses, for instance. I get that they were using hyperbole as humor, but it just didn't land with me.
Their voice was very authentic, and I think it's great that they were able to share so much of themself. Their heartfelt stories from their childhood really hit me right in the feels as a fellow non-binary queer person. They were also able to use stories from their childhood as a jumping off point to make statements about gender and sexuality in society, and I thought most of those insights were great. They were funny and sweet and compassionate to their child self for what they went through.
I really think that they didn't let enough time elapse before writing about their college years. They just seem too close to the events and the feelings associated with them to write about them with the same analysis that they were able to apply to their younger years. They know that they are very privileged, and they do acknowledge that privilege at times, but then they turn around and say something completely out-of-touch. And then they acknowledge that what they said was out-of-touch and privileged. And it just kept going like that. Like, I think it's a huge assumption that they didn't get a Rhoades scholarship because they are queer and genderqueer. They were up against all the best students in the country! They were up against tons of people! There's no evidence that they weren't considered because they're trans; they just assume that because there's no other reason that could possibly explain it. They expressed a level of entitlement that I found uncomfortable to read. They proudly said they were a sore loser because they only lost the elite scholarships due to their gender and sexuality, and they tried to turn it into a rallying cry for fighting for the rights of all under the LGBTQIA umbrella. But it just really read to me like a privileged person throwing a fit because they didn't get something they wanted.
There were a couple of things I found completely off-putting. They said "We bleed glitter" when talking about the LGBTQIA community. That's pretty dismissive of the very real blood that's been shed in hate crimes. I know they meant it in an empowering way, but it doesn't come off well. This is one of my biggest issues in the whole book. It's one small line, but I really think it's bad.
They also repeatedly refer to their mom as gender-bending. The evidence given is that their mom wears blazers, prefers capris to dresses, and usually only puts on blush and mascara. I found that incredibly odd. None of those things are gender nonconforming for a cis woman. Not even a little bit. It honestly felt dismissive of the shit that queer and trans people who are assigned female at birth face for being insufficiently feminine and actually gender nonconforming. Their mom isn't denied healthcare or treated poorly by doctors for only wearing blush and mascara. She's not likely to get harassed in the women's bathroom for wearing capris. I was baffled. It was just another moment where they came off as really self-centered--they didn't seem to think about how that would read to someone from a different part of the queer community.
I did really appreciate hearing how they pushed back on a retreat about marginalization that separated participants into male and female groups--and sorted Jacob in with the men! That was really awesome, and I think it shines a light into how transphobia and transmisogyny show up in "progressive" spaces.
Overall, there were good moments, but it just wasn't for me.
Their voice was very authentic, and I think it's great that they were able to share so much of themself. Their heartfelt stories from their childhood really hit me right in the feels as a fellow non-binary queer person. They were also able to use stories from their childhood as a jumping off point to make statements about gender and sexuality in society, and I thought most of those insights were great. They were funny and sweet and compassionate to their child self for what they went through.
I really think that they didn't let enough time elapse before writing about their college years. They just seem too close to the events and the feelings associated with them to write about them with the same analysis that they were able to apply to their younger years. They know that they are very privileged, and they do acknowledge that privilege at times, but then they turn around and say something completely out-of-touch. And then they acknowledge that what they said was out-of-touch and privileged. And it just kept going like that. Like, I think it's a huge assumption that they didn't get a Rhoades scholarship because they are queer and genderqueer. They were up against all the best students in the country! They were up against tons of people! There's no evidence that they weren't considered because they're trans; they just assume that because there's no other reason that could possibly explain it. They expressed a level of entitlement that I found uncomfortable to read. They proudly said they were a sore loser because they only lost the elite scholarships due to their gender and sexuality, and they tried to turn it into a rallying cry for fighting for the rights of all under the LGBTQIA umbrella. But it just really read to me like a privileged person throwing a fit because they didn't get something they wanted.
There were a couple of things I found completely off-putting. They said "We bleed glitter" when talking about the LGBTQIA community. That's pretty dismissive of the very real blood that's been shed in hate crimes. I know they meant it in an empowering way, but it doesn't come off well. This is one of my biggest issues in the whole book. It's one small line, but I really think it's bad.
They also repeatedly refer to their mom as gender-bending. The evidence given is that their mom wears blazers, prefers capris to dresses, and usually only puts on blush and mascara. I found that incredibly odd. None of those things are gender nonconforming for a cis woman. Not even a little bit. It honestly felt dismissive of the shit that queer and trans people who are assigned female at birth face for being insufficiently feminine and actually gender nonconforming. Their mom isn't denied healthcare or treated poorly by doctors for only wearing blush and mascara. She's not likely to get harassed in the women's bathroom for wearing capris. I was baffled. It was just another moment where they came off as really self-centered--they didn't seem to think about how that would read to someone from a different part of the queer community.
I did really appreciate hearing how they pushed back on a retreat about marginalization that separated participants into male and female groups--and sorted Jacob in with the men! That was really awesome, and I think it shines a light into how transphobia and transmisogyny show up in "progressive" spaces.
Overall, there were good moments, but it just wasn't for me.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Homophobia, Sexual content, Suicidal thoughts, and Transphobia