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A review by dapper
After by Varian Krylov
2.0
It gets star number 2 for the concept. Lost the other 3 stars for the execution.
There’s a common phrase in the writing community; “show don’t tell.”
Unfortunately, it seems that quote has somehow missed this author.
“She looks at him like she's unsettled by him. When he gives her a quizzical look, she looks away. He leaves it alone. His hands slip away as she shifts to rise. His eyes follow her over to the side of the bed. She turns to face him, and then he rises, too, and moves toward her.”
This was one of the last paragraphs I read before really calling it quits. There’s no way for me, as the reader, to actually indulge into this story. There’s not enough fluidity, it comes off clipped. Kind of like if a caveman was speaking; “She go here. She look at man. Man say hi. She say hi back, too.”
But yeah, I was into the concept. Bummed out it didn’t work for me.
There’s a common phrase in the writing community; “show don’t tell.”
Unfortunately, it seems that quote has somehow missed this author.
“She looks at him like she's unsettled by him. When he gives her a quizzical look, she looks away. He leaves it alone. His hands slip away as she shifts to rise. His eyes follow her over to the side of the bed. She turns to face him, and then he rises, too, and moves toward her.”
This was one of the last paragraphs I read before really calling it quits. There’s no way for me, as the reader, to actually indulge into this story. There’s not enough fluidity, it comes off clipped. Kind of like if a caveman was speaking; “She go here. She look at man. Man say hi. She say hi back, too.”
But yeah, I was into the concept. Bummed out it didn’t work for me.