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A review by thea
White-Clothed Calamity by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu
5.0
the people did not lie: this book is pain.
it was short but packed a punch that had a formidable thunderstorm hidden inside each blow dealt to xie lian. every punch dealt to xie lian was excruciating to read. i know that xie lian has mentioned that he has a high pain tolerance, but i didn't know exactly how much until i read this book. i felt his embarrassment through the stiffening of my shoulders, i felt his rage through the way my eyes narrowed and my head started pounding, and i felt his despair and just wanting to die through my eyes not being able to read further because of my tears blurring my vision and my breath shaking. this book alone made me cry three times within the first half, not to mention the entirety of this story.
but even though i can talk about xie lian's pain (that gave me pain), i want to talk about his development even more. it's undeniably incredible the development xie lian goes through; it adds so much more depth to his character, in the way that i never knew i needed until i got it. to put it simply, it's inspiring and authentic, the way he navigates through the fucked-up, excruciating events that have happened. he's not just the cinnamon-roll, thoughtful fallen god that loves to pick up scraps and forgives easily — and i fucking love how this book shows that. just because he is a kind, helpful person does not mean he's naïve. all his emotions, his choices were real; it never felt like he constantly had to strive to be a perfect person. he did feel that pressure, but it was only because of others watching him, not because he himself believed it. and watching his descent? painful but masterfully conducted.
it was pleasantly surprising to me how hua cheng still had a role in this book — and as a cute, little ghost fire! however, it's agonizing to remember that whenever hua cheng does make an appearance, xie lian is always going through some type of pain, like when he's cold in the graveyard and in the temple (the way they both let out heartbreaking screams :') me too bitch). i don't know whether or not i want to talk about that temple scene because of how painful that shit was to read. i had to stop for a moment and mentally prepare myself to continue reading. xie lian mentioned just not wanting to remember some of those early moments of his descent, and i honestly can't blame him because i don't want to remember either. this book was heavy. i'm really grateful there were trigger warnings ahead of time because the author did not hold back.
whenever i remind myself that xie lian got the naming dishes adorable names from his mother, a stab of pain enters my heart. it's always the little things that get to the heart: how ruoye was born, how he got his sword fengxin, how he got two cursed shackles, and how he got his bamboo hat. now that we know how each item came to be xie lian's, it adds more meaning to them, knowing the blood, sweat, and tears that went into each being part of xie lian's life.
the lesson i learned from this book: no matter how far you've gone, no matter what terrible choices you've made, you can come back. you need to make amends, you need to make things right, but that choice is always there. no paths are bound. and seeing xie lian learn that? what an honor it was to be by his side to see that. every book makes my heart fill with xie lian more and more. and with that, i'm off to the final book.
Thus, Xie Lian understood. No one would give him a hand to help pull him up.
He laid there for a good while before he crawled up himself.
it was short but packed a punch that had a formidable thunderstorm hidden inside each blow dealt to xie lian. every punch dealt to xie lian was excruciating to read. i know that xie lian has mentioned that he has a high pain tolerance, but i didn't know exactly how much until i read this book. i felt his embarrassment through the stiffening of my shoulders, i felt his rage through the way my eyes narrowed and my head started pounding, and i felt his despair and just wanting to die through my eyes not being able to read further because of my tears blurring my vision and my breath shaking. this book alone made me cry three times within the first half, not to mention the entirety of this story.
but even though i can talk about xie lian's pain (that gave me pain), i want to talk about his development even more. it's undeniably incredible the development xie lian goes through; it adds so much more depth to his character, in the way that i never knew i needed until i got it. to put it simply, it's inspiring and authentic, the way he navigates through the fucked-up, excruciating events that have happened. he's not just the cinnamon-roll, thoughtful fallen god that loves to pick up scraps and forgives easily — and i fucking love how this book shows that. just because he is a kind, helpful person does not mean he's naïve. all his emotions, his choices were real; it never felt like he constantly had to strive to be a perfect person. he did feel that pressure, but it was only because of others watching him, not because he himself believed it. and watching his descent? painful but masterfully conducted.
Curse. Curse all you want. Nothing matters anymore, so just curse however you want.
Either way, everything will soon disappear.
The sun was about to set.
it was pleasantly surprising to me how hua cheng still had a role in this book — and as a cute, little ghost fire! however, it's agonizing to remember that whenever hua cheng does make an appearance, xie lian is always going through some type of pain, like when he's cold in the graveyard and in the temple (the way they both let out heartbreaking screams :') me too bitch). i don't know whether or not i want to talk about that temple scene because of how painful that shit was to read. i had to stop for a moment and mentally prepare myself to continue reading. xie lian mentioned just not wanting to remember some of those early moments of his descent, and i honestly can't blame him because i don't want to remember either. this book was heavy. i'm really grateful there were trigger warnings ahead of time because the author did not hold back.
whenever i remind myself that xie lian got the naming dishes adorable names from his mother, a stab of pain enters my heart. it's always the little things that get to the heart: how ruoye was born, how he got his sword fengxin, how he got two cursed shackles, and how he got his bamboo hat. now that we know how each item came to be xie lian's, it adds more meaning to them, knowing the blood, sweat, and tears that went into each being part of xie lian's life.
Jun Wu looked at him intently, and after a long while, he said, "Xianle has grown up."
the lesson i learned from this book: no matter how far you've gone, no matter what terrible choices you've made, you can come back. you need to make amends, you need to make things right, but that choice is always there. no paths are bound. and seeing xie lian learn that? what an honor it was to be by his side to see that. every book makes my heart fill with xie lian more and more. and with that, i'm off to the final book.
He went back outside to pack up his stuff, rolling up the straw mat on the ground very seriously, and tied it with the sword before carrying both on his back. The white silk band wrapped around his wrist nuzzled secretly and Xie Lian patted it, righting the bamboo hat on his head.
"Fine. Don't pay. I'll go busking."