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A review by carleesi
Autism in Heels: The Untold Story of a Female Life on the Spectrum by Jennifer Cook O'Toole
3.75
I enjoyed listening to Jennifer’s story, it’s always powerful for me to fill my life with different experiences of neurodivergence (because aren’t they all sooooo different?)
It’s interesting seeing the generational differences between my experiences and Jennifer’s, as well as having two parents who raised me so gently (before gentle parenting even existed) that the gaslighting side of social experiences of neurodivergence are much less prominent for me. That’s not to say socialising has been all roses and puppies for me, but I still trust instincts and present events to others when they don’t feel right to me and I can’t identify why. It’s hard to hear how much more difficult it’s been for Jennifer after being made to doubt those instincts for so long.
It’s interesting seeing the generational differences between my experiences and Jennifer’s, as well as having two parents who raised me so gently (before gentle parenting even existed) that the gaslighting side of social experiences of neurodivergence are much less prominent for me. That’s not to say socialising has been all roses and puppies for me, but I still trust instincts and present events to others when they don’t feel right to me and I can’t identify why. It’s hard to hear how much more difficult it’s been for Jennifer after being made to doubt those instincts for so long.
I think the book would have benefited a lot from consulting with some fat activists when discussing ED & weight loss (eg, never mention actual weight! Don’t say how many pounds you lost or what weight you were. This can give people “goals” and is really dangerous. Just saying “severely underweight” would be enough).
I must admit it’s hard to read Jennifer talking about the difficulties involved in being societally perceived as “hot” because it often feels like she ignores so many of the benefits of pretty privilege. This could be the mind blindness she often talks about and I’m in no way insinuating she’s a bad person or that she’s lying about the difficulties she’s face - I’m very sure being attractive adds a layer to the autism experience that I haven’t encountered. As a fat autistic woman it just felt a bit isolating and diminishing. Obviously the issue is sexism and diet culture in general, but it often felt like Jennifer drew the line between sexism and being hot and autism and stopped there.
The one case where this is particularly egregious is when Jennifer compares her plight as a pretty white woman to that of Sojourner Truth. I get the message behind what she was saying but that felt like a problematic way to make that point.