A review by maegnoche
Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng

5.0

I expected this book to be a mystery but just to inform everyone who might read this right now: it is NOT. It's an incredibly raw, genuine, and heartbreaking (maybe drama?) novel about a family who were torn apart because of parental expectations, racial identity, children's desire to feel loved and be admired by their parents to the extent of living a life that they aren't happy with, and just so much more.

I think when I initially started this book my intention was to find out how Lydia died. But over time, the story proved itself to not be about HOW she died but WHY she died. What were the events in her life that led up to this? Why did a 16 year old girl who seemed to be the favorite of her parents, the center of attention in their household suddenly die in a lake all alone? This is where I applaud Celeste Ng for crafting such rich and multi-dimensional characters and their often confusing and complex spectrum of emotions as well as their relationships.

The book starts with revealing right away that Lydia is dead however her parents don't know that yet. So for the next parts of the book, it tackles how her family learns of her disappearance and tries to figure out what happened. The story's timeline isn't chronological in the way it brings events from the past then seamlessly connects it to the present leading up to the time where we find out how Lydia died. Ultimately, this all boils down to the revelation that the Lee family were doomed because they didn't know anything about each other.

I love how Ng carefully incorporates the many emotions that her parents felt, also her siblings while attempting to find out what happened to Lydia. Her mother emulates the feeling of denial at first, even when the police and sometimes her husband, convinces her otherwise. This blends in perfectly with the whole story arc of how Marilyn, the mom, tried to make Lydia the person she never got to be- a successful doctor in an very male dominated field (oh ya, I forgot to mention how this story was in the 70s). Although her father is less in denial of what happened to Lydia and even entertains what the police say, he can't come to confront the secrets she may have had, the feelings she may have buried that led up to her death. I can't go into too much detail about the siblings because then this review would be so long but I admired how this book revealed the layers in between jealousy and sympathy and even resentment siblings share with each other. Also Hannah, ily and you deserve so much better.

This book was hauntingly beautiful in the way it framed parental expectations so well. I haven't read much books like this but I've never seen any book deal with the many complexities and layers of parental expectations. In this book, it ties the regrets of both parent and hidden feelings they never were able to deal with and never wanted to directly to the doomed fate of their daughter Lydia, and even their two other children. Marilyn regretted having children too early which forced her to sacrifice her career. James, a Chinese man who emigrated to America under a false name cause of the ban on Chinese immigrants during that time, always felt different. So consciously Marilyn forced herself to believe that Lydia wanted to be a doctor and Lydia too scared to disappoint her mother (which also is another part of this book that I can't spill so you'll just find out why she really doesn't want to disappoint her mom) complies. Meanwhile, James always wanted Lydia to fit in so bad and be popular and be likable which she could never do because people were racist and she was biracial. This brings me to another thing I loved about this book which is how it talks about race and sexism.

I sobbed when I found out how Lydia died and when you read it I bet you will too. It hit me so damn hard in the gut and was probably the most heart wrenching thing I have ever read. Nonetheless, I believe this book is truly a masterpiece. Ng manages to make this book equally beautiful and devastating.

TLDR: this story will haunt you, it will make you cry, it will make you think twice about your family and your siblings, its subtle yet dramatic scenes will scare you, and you probably will never recover after reading this.