Reviews with content warning for Bullying - Autism in Heels: The Untold Story of a Female Life on the Spectrum

As a fellow gifted, late-diagnosed autistic, I related to much of this book. She spoke powerfully concerning her own experience, research, and accomplishments, and her commentary on bullying, self-harm, and domestic abuse in the lives of girls and women on the spectrum was moving and gave me an avenue to process many experiences I hadn't processed before.

I can see how some autists would struggle to connect with her giftedness, and I struggled to connect with her material privilege often through this book. There are many privileges that would make her story unrelatable to various people. With that in mind, I found it powerful to see her illustrate that giftedness, conventional attractiveness or "pretty privilege", accomplishments and accolades, fame and fortune still do not overpower the perceptions and expectations neurotypical people have of us and the trauma they can cause. Every time she mentioned one of those privileges and I was tempted to disconnect, I leaned into the message that no privilege protects you from how neurotypicals treat autistic people. I wish she had addressed those privileges and how intersectional identities compound the disadvantages we as autistic people face.

There is one section that is truly problematic. In one section, the author coopts Sojourner Truth's "Aint I a Woman?" speech to make a comment about how neurotypical women treat neurodivergent women as lesser. The well-deserved criticism of this section and the failure to acknowledge her privilege in light of the intersectional identities of folks with marginalized genders on the spectrum should be considered. I hope she listens, honors that criticism, and updates later editions.

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khaosinkspress's review against another edition

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informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

5.0

Genuinely enjoyed reading O'Toole's life and how autism affected many aspects. Also A+ for trigger warnings in chapters related to domestic/intimate violence and self-harming behaviors and notes what page the reader can skip to if they do not want to read it!

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jenny_librarian's review against another edition

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informative inspiring reflective slow-paced

4.0

This was a good insight on another autistic perspective. I appreciate finally reading about an autistic woman who likes dressing up and breaks the stereotype of the androgynous-looking autistic.

It’s a pretty interesting biography/nonfiction about autism that isn’t written like you typical nonfiction. That’s because autistic folks aren’t typical. The author instead chose to divide it in topics and struggles she faced — both before and since her diagnosis.

Like all books by autistic folks about being autistic, it’s only one person’s perspective. This person in particular is extraordinary in some aspects, and that made it hard for me to relate. However, many of the things she mentioned about being autistic felt quite close to home.

I wish we got books about average autistic folks. Yes, it might be less interesting in general, but those of us who aren't incredibly intelligent or didn’t have to live through sexual assault or an eating disorder could actually see ourselves. Because, unfortunately, in the end I can’t relate that much to the authors of the books I’ve read so far on the spectrum. I’m just not special enough, and I’m sure many other autistic folks feel that way.

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dukeofkel's review against another edition

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emotional hopeful informative inspiring medium-paced

3.5

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bexi's review

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challenging emotional funny informative reflective slow-paced

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finesilkflower's review against another edition

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4.0

In her memoir of living with undiagnosed autism (what used to be called Asperger's) as a young woman, Cook presents some extremely cogent and thought-provoking points about the nature of being an autistic woman:

Autism goes undiagnosed in young women and girls because the diagnostic tools were made for men for a boys. For example, "interest in trains" is a classic autism trait, yet most girls are not given vehicles to play with - the true 'symptom' is special interests, which in girls often look different (e.g. collecting and displaying dolls, Disney movie trivia, etc.) She urges clinicians to look beyond the surface to the reasons that autistic people do things: i.e. it's not trains that are important, it's fixations on facts and categorization.
Stereotypically feminine traits, such as interest in makeup, are seen as inherently "unautistic," for no particular reason except that nobody has bothered to study autistic women (which then leads to few women getting diagnosed, in a vicious cycle).
Women and girls are held to a higher standard of social and executive functioning than men, yet the diagnostic criteria for dysfunction are based on men and boys. Cook describes a study that found that girls with Asperger's tend to function socially similar to neurotypical boys. That means that when they are tested, they are found "normal" (because there is no separate test for girls), yet in practice they are disabled because they are not able to form relationships with other girls or meet the expectations placed on them.
Autistic girls are more at risk of predation in abusive relationships because of their diminished ability to spot manipulation.
Autistic girls are also at a high risk of self harm because of unexplained feelings of being "never good enough."
While one of the diagnostic criteria for autism is problems with theory of mind/perspective-taking, Cook argues that neurotypical people would also be considered disabled if they were being judged on their ability to take the perspective of an autistic person.

While I found Cook's story to be rambling and confusingly-organized at times (jumping from one idea to the next), the number of insights was high. Cook breaks down the mystery around what it's like to be autistic. I found myself relating to much of what she says particularly where her autism overlaps with ADHD (e.g. executive functioning and working memory problems). I wouldn't be surprised with ADHD and autism turn out to be part of the same spectrum.

There are some sensitive and disturbing topics covered (intimate partner violence, eating disorders), but they are well labelled with trigger warnings.

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livlamentloathe's review

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emotional hopeful informative inspiring reflective sad medium-paced

5.0

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