Reviews with content warning for Sexual content - Paul Takes the Form of A Mortal Girl

NSFW Content Warning: this book has (a lot of) graphic smut in it. You might already know that, but I always like to make that very clear at the start of my reviews in case that’s not your cup of tea. More details in my Content Warning if you’d like!

How to describe this book to someone asks “What are you reading?”:

A book of snapshots about gender and sexuality in the 90s.

Short Review (TL;DR):

a wonderful portrayal of how it can feel to be queer; and to feel an otherness even within the community
hidden gems of literary inspiration
if you cannot read smut at all this is not for you. if you’re on the fence about it just get through the first chapter. it’s worth it.

Long Review:

“We’re just what we are.”

This book is a gut wrenching showcase of the queer experience. It’s more of a catalogue of Paul’s adventures with sexuality and gender than a plot-based narrative. If you come in looking for a love story or a grande queer redemption in the face of 90s homophobia you will be disappointed.

There are so many thoughts that Paul experiences that I think queer readers will read and think “exactly!”; when he fantasises about being with a woman, he’s also a woman; the imposter syndrome he faces both as Paul and as Polly; his constant confusion about “what he is” and “why is he like this”.

The jump between raunchy encounters and incredibly intellectual discussions about queer culture should have been disjointed, yet Lawlor somehow manages to make the stark contrast work. In a way, it provides depth to Paul’s character: yes, he’s flamboyant and almost stereotypical in the way he appreciates fashion and flirts and loves, but he is filled with a deep confusion, rage, and fear that is constantly being affirmed by the anti-queer climate.

The “interludes” (as I’m choosing to call them; iykyk) were unexpected and brought a more literary approach to the story. They can seem so random and unimportant, but they really give you something to chew on which I found really nice. The fairy (the pun must be intended) tale nature of them lends itself to Paul’s constant dialogue of the inherent otherworldly-ness he feels.

You can tell that queer history and experiences are something incredibly important and deeply studied by Lawlor. The more scholarly exploration can be a bit like reading an essay (which may not be everyone’s favourite), but they add a great deal of intelligence and understanding to Paul.

All in all this is an expressive narrative about the magical but brutal queer experience. It’s truly excellent.

“He could stay here forever, and time would stop, and he wouldn’t have to choose anything.”

Content Warnings

nefariousbee's review against another edition

Go to review page

reflective tense slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? No
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.0

I can't really figure out what it was all for. all those pages and I don't feel satisfied, I don't feel unsettled. I feel like all the interesting in this book went into the title.

Content Warnings

librarymouse's review against another edition

Go to review page

adventurous dark emotional sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

What an odd book. Paul is a strange, yet often lovely character. His hedonism was off putting at first, and I initially had a hard time reconciling my enjoyment of the writing with my dislike of Paul, but the further the novel progressed, the more sympathetic of a character Paul became. Paul's experience of gender and the way Lawlor represents that on the page is something unique and special. It shows the ways in which we try and fail and try again to externally represent our interior experiences of selfhood, but made magical in its visibility. Similarly, Paul's struggles to maintain expression of exclusively male or female features at different points throughout the novel, in order to fulfil the desires of someone else felt so real and exemplary of the struggle between external expression and internal experience when trying to find an aesthetic that feels comfortable as someone who doesn't feel that either gender fits quite right. I think I liked the consistent use of "he" as Paul's pronouns despite his spending a large portion of the novel as a girl. I think it's an interesting comment, again, on the way selfhood is experienced, but also for the idea that gender expression doesn't necessarily equate to gender identity/experience. However, I can understand the critiques of the use of "he" exclusively as falling into the pitfalls of gender essentialism. It's a very narrow line.

Paul being made a more sympathetic character for me, comes to fruition as he finally flashes back to when and why he chose to leave New York for the Midwest after the boy he loved and left; and to whom he always assumed he'd return to at some point, dies of HIV/AIDS before Paul works up the courage to call him back. The slips of memories of the friends and lovers there one day and gone the next, blurry around the edges with grief and the rapidity of their deaths offer an alternative lens through which to view Paul's escape and the risks he's willing to take, thinking he's found a safe place where illness can't take those he cares for. While it's never quite clear whether or not he can get HIV/AIDS, the risks he takes after his love's death take on a nihilistic tone, ready and willing to put himself in danger for the thrill of it. Behind the hedonism, there's such raw and tender humanity.

At the start I almost DNF'd this book. After some post-reading contemplation, this is a 5 star read,

Content Warnings

sharmaynereads's review

Go to review page

adventurous funny mysterious slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.5

Content Warnings

kmartro's review against another edition

Go to review page

challenging funny lighthearted medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? No
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.25

Incredibly hard read for me, it is full of consistent specific music and book references that I, as someone who did not live through the 90's queer scene, did not get at all. I found myself skimming often when it got particularly dense.

I liked reading Paul but didn't like him. I thought the author might do something developmental with him realizing he's too agreeable but he ends the same way he starts.

Even though Paul is a shape-shifter and he moves through queer communities as both sexes, his inner monologue is still that of a gay man, I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone looking for the cis-lesbian experience specifically.

The smut was sharp and to the point, it doesn't stay long. Overall glad I read it, but I don't think I'll be rereading it.

Content Warnings

crackedspines_'s review against another edition

Go to review page

adventurous emotional mysterious reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

I really don’t know what to say about this one except that it genuinely changed my life and me as a person and it made me feel every single emotion ever and it made me cry and the ending wasn’t even an ending and I wanted a real ending so badly and I honestly think this might be my favorite book of all time.

Content Warnings

transpinestwins's review against another edition

Go to review page

adventurous funny fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? No

3.0

Paul is the most obnoxious person in your college’s queer social club—or he would be, if he weren’t too self-consciously cool to attend more than a few meetings.

Undeniably well written, and made me laugh as much as it made me cringe in recognition. Paul is deeply flawed but always compelling, and this balance generally worked for me—though sometimes it really didn’t. The degree to which his cruelty and selfishness are ignored by the narrative is frustrating.

It never occurs to him that Tony Pinto’s calls might be about an AIDS diagnosis (despite this being painfully obvious to me, given the date and the tenor of the messages)—instead, he flatters himself that his old boyfriend is begging for him back. And why not?

Everybody adores Paul, though nobody so much as Paul himself. It’s not a crime to be self-obsessed to the point of blindness towards other people’s feelings, but it does make our hero increasingly hard to love.

All that said, I can’t relate to most of the complaints I’ve seen about this book—I thought the sex scenes were great, hot and effective at what they were trying to invoke, be it pleasure or disgust. Similarly, I don’t mind the lack of explanation around the magic elements

(though I wish we had seen/heard more about Diane’s powers)

. Lawlor is clearly taking a magical realism approach here, with Paul’s ability to transform being more an extension of his personality than a physical reality. The “how” isn’t the point. I do agree that the ending felt weak, though it might have worked better for me if Derek had more of a presence outside of the last ~20 pages. He’s more of an archetype (a Christopher, or a Ruffles) than a fully realized person (a Diane or a Jane), and he didn’t mean enough to Paul to be the catalyst for Paul’s final moment of self-acceptance—ending a relationship on his own terms, rather than molding himself into what his partner wants him to be.

Content Warnings

More...