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vegantrav's review against another edition
4.0
Who are we, really, if not our memories? If our memories are destroyed but our bodies live on, do we really, in any sense, live on ourselves? That's the question that, although not explicitly posed in the book, haunted me as I read I Forgot to Remember, an amnesiac's memoir--how strange and ironic that one with no memories could write a memoir: I Forgot to Remember is the author's story of her life but as remembered by her friends and family members and then, when she was able to form her own memories again, her own remembrances.
At age 22 following a blow to the head, Su Meck suffered severe retrograde amnesia: she lost all of her memories of those first 22 years of her life. To this day, she has never regained even a trace of those memories. Additionally, she had trouble forming new memories for many years afterwards, to the extent that she can now remember almost nothing of the first 4 or 5 years after her injury. The brain trauma also left her unable to read, unable to name many familiar objects, unable to perform many basic tasks of daily living, and unable even to understand her role as a wife and mother of two young boys. The trauma also changed her personality: she went from being outspoken, rebellious, and nonconformist to quiet and apprehensive.
As I read this novel, I was struck by the strange affect in Meck's tone: she's rather blunt and extremely open. Not only were her memories affected by the trauma, but her ability to experience and process emotion changed. I would almost describe her as a bit autistic. Her primary ruling emotions immediately after the trauma and, to some extent, even today, seem to be bewilderment, fear, and anger. She has existed in a constant state of confusion, though much less so now than in previous years: she admits that even today, she still has trouble remembering things, and she has difficulty fully understanding something as fundamental as time, stating that she cannot really understand concepts like one week from now or one year from now. Her writing in this book also reflects a level of immaturity, and I'm not trying to be insulting: she writes like a high school student: she holds nothing back, does not seem to edit herself in any way, tosses in random asides throughout, and does not engage in much serious reflection or analysis. It appears that her co-author (journalist Daniel de Vise) largely allowed Su to speak in her own voice throughout. And that's actually a good thing because we get an honest, open portrait of Su.
Much of I Forgot to Remember is the tale of how Su survived in the aftermath of her trauma. She had almost no help from the medical and psychological community. She candidly admits that her children (her two boys born before and her one daughter born after her trauma), even when her oldest son was as young as 3-years-old, parented her and looked after her in many ways. She describes herself as learning right along with her children as they went to school and she herself learned by not helping with but rather engaging in their homework: writing spelling words, doing math exercises, etc.
Su's husband, Jim, could not have been less helpful. He never really seemed to realize just how badly Su was affected by her brain injury. Yes, he recognized that she had lost all of her memories, but he failed to comprehend just how much she had forgotten about how to live her day-to-day life. After the accident, Su had the mentality of a 3- or 4-year-old child, yet Jim still expected her to behave like a grown woman. Outrageously, not long after the injury, Jim moved Su and their two boys from Texas, where Su's parents lived close enough that they could drive to Jim and Su's home and help Su, to Maryland. I was completely dismayed that Jim even forced Su drive one of their two vehicles across half a continent.
Su also speaks frankly of not being in love with Jim even today and not, at least immediately after the injury, even really loving him: she had no idea what it meant to be Jim's wife. She relates that the whole idea of sex was gross and weird to her, and yet Su tells us that Jim still had sex with her when she was in this state of mind. I honestly think this bordered on rape.
Jim also traveled extensively for his work, often leaving Su alone at home with her sons (and later her daughter) to fend for herself. I was utterly amazed throughout this novel at Jim's complete inability to see just how much Su had been affected by her injury, and Jim often flew into rages at Su and screamed at her when she made mistakes--which she often did. Su speaks constantly of being afraid of Jim and refraining from speaking for fear of arousing Jim's anger.
Yet, still, Su came to love and depend upon Jim, and she still loves him today. Wonderfully, it appears that all three of Su and Jim's children are psychologically healthy, stable young adults today. Su herself has written this memoir and is pursuing an undergraduate degree at Smith College. Her life story is fascinating, and she is an amazing human being. She is certainly not the person she was for the first 22 years of her life: that woman is gone. But Su is now her own person with her own memories, but memories that begin only after her injury.
At age 22 following a blow to the head, Su Meck suffered severe retrograde amnesia: she lost all of her memories of those first 22 years of her life. To this day, she has never regained even a trace of those memories. Additionally, she had trouble forming new memories for many years afterwards, to the extent that she can now remember almost nothing of the first 4 or 5 years after her injury. The brain trauma also left her unable to read, unable to name many familiar objects, unable to perform many basic tasks of daily living, and unable even to understand her role as a wife and mother of two young boys. The trauma also changed her personality: she went from being outspoken, rebellious, and nonconformist to quiet and apprehensive.
As I read this novel, I was struck by the strange affect in Meck's tone: she's rather blunt and extremely open. Not only were her memories affected by the trauma, but her ability to experience and process emotion changed. I would almost describe her as a bit autistic. Her primary ruling emotions immediately after the trauma and, to some extent, even today, seem to be bewilderment, fear, and anger. She has existed in a constant state of confusion, though much less so now than in previous years: she admits that even today, she still has trouble remembering things, and she has difficulty fully understanding something as fundamental as time, stating that she cannot really understand concepts like one week from now or one year from now. Her writing in this book also reflects a level of immaturity, and I'm not trying to be insulting: she writes like a high school student: she holds nothing back, does not seem to edit herself in any way, tosses in random asides throughout, and does not engage in much serious reflection or analysis. It appears that her co-author (journalist Daniel de Vise) largely allowed Su to speak in her own voice throughout. And that's actually a good thing because we get an honest, open portrait of Su.
Much of I Forgot to Remember is the tale of how Su survived in the aftermath of her trauma. She had almost no help from the medical and psychological community. She candidly admits that her children (her two boys born before and her one daughter born after her trauma), even when her oldest son was as young as 3-years-old, parented her and looked after her in many ways. She describes herself as learning right along with her children as they went to school and she herself learned by not helping with but rather engaging in their homework: writing spelling words, doing math exercises, etc.
Su's husband, Jim, could not have been less helpful. He never really seemed to realize just how badly Su was affected by her brain injury. Yes, he recognized that she had lost all of her memories, but he failed to comprehend just how much she had forgotten about how to live her day-to-day life. After the accident, Su had the mentality of a 3- or 4-year-old child, yet Jim still expected her to behave like a grown woman. Outrageously, not long after the injury, Jim moved Su and their two boys from Texas, where Su's parents lived close enough that they could drive to Jim and Su's home and help Su, to Maryland. I was completely dismayed that Jim even forced Su drive one of their two vehicles across half a continent.
Su also speaks frankly of not being in love with Jim even today and not, at least immediately after the injury, even really loving him: she had no idea what it meant to be Jim's wife. She relates that the whole idea of sex was gross and weird to her, and yet Su tells us that Jim still had sex with her when she was in this state of mind. I honestly think this bordered on rape.
Jim also traveled extensively for his work, often leaving Su alone at home with her sons (and later her daughter) to fend for herself. I was utterly amazed throughout this novel at Jim's complete inability to see just how much Su had been affected by her injury, and Jim often flew into rages at Su and screamed at her when she made mistakes--which she often did. Su speaks constantly of being afraid of Jim and refraining from speaking for fear of arousing Jim's anger.
Yet, still, Su came to love and depend upon Jim, and she still loves him today. Wonderfully, it appears that all three of Su and Jim's children are psychologically healthy, stable young adults today. Su herself has written this memoir and is pursuing an undergraduate degree at Smith College. Her life story is fascinating, and she is an amazing human being. She is certainly not the person she was for the first 22 years of her life: that woman is gone. But Su is now her own person with her own memories, but memories that begin only after her injury.
claire_elizabeast's review against another edition
sad
tense
fast-paced
4.5
I found the author’s detachment talking about the life she doesn't or barely remembers haunting.
My main takeaways were about the isolation of American society and the absolute lack of social safety net.
My main takeaways were about the isolation of American society and the absolute lack of social safety net.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Panic attacks/disorders, Medical content, Medical trauma, and Injury/Injury detail
Moderate: Pregnancy
Minor: Emotional abuse and Forced institutionalization
cathyatratedreads's review against another edition
4.0
This was just fascinating. The writing is fairly simple and straightforward, but pretty complex when the reader considers just how literally Su Meck had to start everything from scratch after a head injury. So, writing style is standard, but this true story is amazing. Meck supposedly has experienced a very unusual case of amnesia, but one wonders, as does she, how many others may have had more severe cases of memory loss than doctors/researchers have documented but never came forward to discuss them/kept the real details to themselves. Meck's own experience living through 25 years of memory issues is amazing, but it's even more interesting to consider how it affected her family members, especially her husband and her three children, two of whom she had before the accident and one after. Toward the end, Meck and readers learn about her husband's issues, and you wonder just how much is just who he is/was and how much was really set off by his wife's situation. The book just gave me so much to think about. It would be really neat to meet Meck and her family after getting to know them on paper.
Read my full review, including a rating for content, at RatedReads.com: https://ratedreads.com/forgot-remember-memoir-amnesia-book-review/
Read my full review, including a rating for content, at RatedReads.com: https://ratedreads.com/forgot-remember-memoir-amnesia-book-review/
bmpicc's review against another edition
1.0
Very interesting and eye-opening story. Sadly, despite all that, I was a little bored reading it.
fallingletters's review against another edition
2.0
Brief thoughts originally published 4 July 2014 at Falling Letters.
I find this book extremely hard to evaluate because I would essentially be evaluating someone's life. You have to keep in mind that Meck lost all her memories, she has no knowledge of the first part of her life, she had to be completely re-educated, including how to read and write. I found a lot of parts of this memoir uncomfortable to read. It was not the sort of story I was expecting. I can't believe how many years it took for people to start to realize what she really lost when the accident happened. I want to keep my concerns about this memoir to myself, since it's a fresh story and because who I am to judge how someone's life play out? Meck's choice to tell her story in such a no-holds-barred manner is admiring, at the very least. I don't think you can find many memoirs like this, where the author's husband (to whom she is still married) is so thoroughly exposed. (Suffice to say, the husband's behaviour is mostly terrible. But then, given the situation - like I said, it's not my place to judge!)
The writing style is nothing impressive, but again - she had to learn to write again as an adult. That she can write this memoir at all is truly incredible.
My uncertainity over this book comes from the fact that the subject matter is undoubtedly interesting, but the how Meck's life actually unfolds was not at all what I was expecting. Perhaps it's a bit terrible of me to say this, but it wasn't the story I wanted to read! That's certainly not Meck's fault, though, and her story is still fascinating. If the book's description sounds interesting to you, I recommend you give it a shot. Maybe then my ramblings here will make a bit of sense...
I find this book extremely hard to evaluate because I would essentially be evaluating someone's life. You have to keep in mind that Meck lost all her memories, she has no knowledge of the first part of her life, she had to be completely re-educated, including how to read and write. I found a lot of parts of this memoir uncomfortable to read. It was not the sort of story I was expecting. I can't believe how many years it took for people to start to realize what she really lost when the accident happened. I want to keep my concerns about this memoir to myself, since it's a fresh story and because who I am to judge how someone's life play out? Meck's choice to tell her story in such a no-holds-barred manner is admiring, at the very least. I don't think you can find many memoirs like this, where the author's husband (to whom she is still married) is so thoroughly exposed. (Suffice to say, the husband's behaviour is mostly terrible. But then, given the situation - like I said, it's not my place to judge!)
The writing style is nothing impressive, but again - she had to learn to write again as an adult. That she can write this memoir at all is truly incredible.
My uncertainity over this book comes from the fact that the subject matter is undoubtedly interesting, but the how Meck's life actually unfolds was not at all what I was expecting. Perhaps it's a bit terrible of me to say this, but it wasn't the story I wanted to read! That's certainly not Meck's fault, though, and her story is still fascinating. If the book's description sounds interesting to you, I recommend you give it a shot. Maybe then my ramblings here will make a bit of sense...
dreamboatannie's review against another edition
3.0
There are two scales on which to rate memoirs: how well they are written and how interesting the author's life is. A few memoirists are excellent writers who have also been fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to have interesting life experiences. A few horrible memoirs are poorly written and terribly boring. Most fall somewhere between the two, and "I Forgot To Remember" is on that spectrum of middle ground. The subject matter is undeniably engaging and leaves you wondering what you would be life if you started your life over, as a blank slate, right now. However, the writing is not great; I think it is a fantastic effort given how Su has had to relearn everything from drinking from a cup on up. That this memoir exists at all is an amazing feat she should absolutely be proud of. However, it gets a bit tedious at times, as many memoirs do. It was a very quick read, though, so I don't regret the time I spent with Su on her journey back to herself.
On a more personal note, I understand why she has chosen to stay in her marriage but it really was a bit difficult to read about her husband putting them hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt secretly to pay for strippers, hookers, and secret girlfriends. I know it is a memoir but I kind of found myself wishing it was a novel so it could turn out differently. I wanted a happy ending where she dumped his ass and found someone who didn't ever verbally abuse her or physically attack her in his sleep. Yikes.
On a more personal note, I understand why she has chosen to stay in her marriage but it really was a bit difficult to read about her husband putting them hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt secretly to pay for strippers, hookers, and secret girlfriends. I know it is a memoir but I kind of found myself wishing it was a novel so it could turn out differently. I wanted a happy ending where she dumped his ass and found someone who didn't ever verbally abuse her or physically attack her in his sleep. Yikes.
lynnmarie78's review against another edition
4.0
Read an arc. Amazing story of courage in the face of devastating loss of memory. It's amazing how the brain works and when it doesn't.
liralen's review against another edition
3.0
In 2011, the Washington Post published an article about Meck. I read the article, fascinated, but I don't think I understood then just how gone her memory was or what a profound impact that would have.
Meck's memoir goes a long way toward explaining that, but I wonder how possible it really is to understand that -- after all, Meck, who in many senses became a new person as a consequence of her injury (you could get into a serious ton of philosophy here -- who are you without your memories?), only knows who she was pre-injury because of other people's memories.
I've taken so long to write this review in large part because I am still struggling to put what I want to say about it into words, and also in part because so much of my reaction has nothing to do with the writing (or other things that the author could control) but with the appalling lack of basic understanding that she faced from the people who should have been responsible for her post-injury, and I'm not sure how productive it is to focus on that in a review.
At times it feels as though Meck is still figuring that out -- what went right and wrong after her memory loss -- because for such a long time she had nothing to compare against, and nobody realised that. This is a book about memory loss and rebuilding a life with no road map, no baseline, and in that sense it's both sad and triumphant. But it's also ends up being about the basic failure of doctors and family to understand how to support someone with TBI, and on that end it's much, much sadder. How do you release from hospital, without outside support, a woman who not only doesn't have memories of childhood but also doesn't know she's supposed to have memories of childhood?
I wish we could also understand the woman Meck was before her injury -- though of course that's impossible, and if it were possible this would be a very different book.
I received a free copy of this book via a Goodreads giveaway.
Meck's memoir goes a long way toward explaining that, but I wonder how possible it really is to understand that -- after all, Meck, who in many senses became a new person as a consequence of her injury (you could get into a serious ton of philosophy here -- who are you without your memories?), only knows who she was pre-injury because of other people's memories.
I've taken so long to write this review in large part because I am still struggling to put what I want to say about it into words, and also in part because so much of my reaction has nothing to do with the writing (or other things that the author could control) but with the appalling lack of basic understanding that she faced from the people who should have been responsible for her post-injury, and I'm not sure how productive it is to focus on that in a review.
At times it feels as though Meck is still figuring that out -- what went right and wrong after her memory loss -- because for such a long time she had nothing to compare against, and nobody realised that. This is a book about memory loss and rebuilding a life with no road map, no baseline, and in that sense it's both sad and triumphant. But it's also ends up being about the basic failure of doctors and family to understand how to support someone with TBI, and on that end it's much, much sadder. How do you release from hospital, without outside support, a woman who not only doesn't have memories of childhood but also doesn't know she's supposed to have memories of childhood?
I wish we could also understand the woman Meck was before her injury -- though of course that's impossible, and if it were possible this would be a very different book.
I received a free copy of this book via a Goodreads giveaway.
nickie184's review against another edition
3.0
It was ok--I thought the writing could have used more work. I felt incredibly sad for the author, and kept hoping she would seek and then find better medical help. The book seemed to say that she had been in the hospital for a few weeks, and had no other care in all these years. That can't be true. And it sounds like she could have used at least a therapist for herself, if not for the whole family.
I ended up feeling like I really wish her well, and wish I could be a friend to her. Her children sound awesome.
I ended up feeling like I really wish her well, and wish I could be a friend to her. Her children sound awesome.