Reviews with content warning for Genocide - A Woman Is No Man

Told from multiple generations about the personal trauma that flows through decisions made by those not thinking about individual impact. Just deep and raw and I loved the alternation from mother to daughter. You can't help but feel deeply for these characters and know that all decisions were based on what they thought was best.

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letsgolesbians's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

couldn’t put it down, knocking down a star for a harry potter reference and the lack of pushback about virginity being tied to morality

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jkreads's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

This was breathtaking. So thought-provoking, challenging, dark, hopeful, and gut-churning. The prose was lush and emotive without being overly flowery - to me this was a great example of “showing not telling”. This book didn’t need to tell me how to feel because the plot did that all on its own. The climax of this book felt inevitable, it was very obvious where it was going almost from the start, and yet somehow when it was revealed it still managed to feel like a gut punch. Incredible, incredible writing. Etaf Rum has cemented herself as a must-read author for me.

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virg_i's review against another edition

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dark emotional informative reflective sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? No
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

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moonadjacent's review against another edition

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dark emotional inspiring sad slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

3.5

There aren't that many events that actually go into the plot and the mystery is not much of a focal point so mystery-lovers would probably be disappointed with the 'reveal'. This book is much more about the characters, their relationships with each other, intergenerational trauma, and the cycle of abuse/violence from colonialism to sexism to family violence.

Two excerpts that showcase these themes:

"...had taught her that the traumas of the world were inseparably connected. She was not surprised when her father came home and beat them mercilessly, the tragedy of the Nakba bulging in his veins... She knew that the suffering of women started in the suffering of men, that the bondages of one became the bondages of the other."

"...how shame could grow and morph and swallow someone until she had no choice but to pass it along so that she wasn't forced to bear it alone... She saw the chain of shame passed from one woman to the next so clearly now, saw her place in the cycle so vividly."

With the bleakness of the violence described, it would be easy to feel hopeless and unable to see a pathway for Deya (central character) to ever become a well-adjusted young woman free to make her own choices. However, while the author does not shy away from some quite graphic descriptions they also manage to maintain some sense of hope throughout the book. I believe the sense of wonder and escapism that books and storytelling bring to the characters is what helps keep this seemingly unwarranted hope stay alive.

Although the novel is somewhat repetitive in its recounting back and forth between set events and timeframes, I stayed hooked and eager to read til the end. I think Etaf Rum has done well to portray and give voice to a story that is true representation for a number of some. Even in the book, there is evidence that religion is not the basis for all culture, and culture cannot be taken as the sole basis for every action taken by a specific family or individual. How these influences manifest will be different for all and unfortunately terrible for some. Hopefully anyone with critical thinking skills can discern this difference and more of these stories can be shared without fearing potential backlash such as increasing prejudice towards Islam or Palestine.

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sassyykassie's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional inspiring reflective sad tense fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

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clovetra's review

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challenging dark emotional sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

this book was heartbreaking in so many ways
ill be honest, i find trying to put my thoughts of this novel into words is quite difficult. i have many feelings over this story.
i felt like crying most of the time whilst reading this book. i did not expect this book to be *this* harrowing.
i love how there are perspectives from all three generations, and i enjoyed seeing each woman challenge the others thoughts and at times reinforce them.
ill be honest and say many aspects of this book were played up with an air of mystery, which seemed quite predictable for me. i don't feel like its right for me to comment on if its predictable nature was fair or not, but i will say it was a tad frustrating solely from a reader's perspective when mysteries were dragged on for so long.
i'll also say i am a bit disappointed at the ending. i understand the point of the last chapter - im not mad about that. i more so would've liked to see a general change in the atmosphere of fareeda's household. sure change doesn't happen over night, but i don't know, even possibly a chapter of fareeda

reconnecting with sarah, or deya visiting isra's grave

would've been nice.
im conflicted on this book. it was quite a serious, emotional, and heavy story, which i usually stray from (i use my books as escapism, so reading incredibly depressing books usually destroys my mental health), but i will say this was written incredibly well. it feels tone-deaf to describe the writing as "beautiful" due to the content & subtext of this book, but i will say etaf rum has a magnificent way with words - it toes the line of lyrical yet colloquial which i adored.
i was very tempted to give this 5 stars, but i didn't scramble to read this book at certain parts, but i will say at the end of part II is when i got really into this book. before that, i wont deny, i was gripped by the plot, but only once the plot picked up, so did my interest. i also do think some of the speech the characters use is a bit forced and clunky, but it wasn't a glaring issue
the book can also be a bit repetitive at times with its dialogue, and it does sometimes feel like groundhog day. i feel i cant properly fault the book on this issue as it fits in its context, but yet again, as a reader it was a bit boring. that feels mean im so sorry
i don't know. i feel like this review is all over the place. and honestly, that's how i felt emotionally reading this book. i can see myself loving this book a lot more through a re-read though.

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