Reviews tagging 'Infidelity'

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk

28 reviews

yaelm's review against another edition

challenging dark informative reflective sad tense

3.0

מבינה מה הכותב אומר ובסה״כ מדובר בספר עשיר במידע וקולח, אבל השפה בה הוא משתמש מאוד בעייתית (אנשים נורמליים לעומת אנשים עם פוסט טראומה, למשל) ולפעמים כואבת.

יש לו גם כל מיני הבחנות מכאיבות מאוד לגבי הורות עם פוסט טראומה. אני לא הורה בעצמי אבל זה כאב לי בכל הגוף. היו עוד כל מיני כאלו לאורך הספר.

מעבר לזה, מבוסס (בחלקו) על מדע שכבר אינו עדכני ולדעתי גם בתקופת הכתיבה של הספר לא היה מדויק (הצד הימני של המוח הוא היצירתי והשמאלי הוא השכלתני וכו׳).

מלאאא בטריגרים כמובן, כל דבר שיכול לגרום לפוסט טראומה. כמה מהמקרים שהוא מציג כטראומטיים מאוד מקוממים (אדם שביצע פשעים נוראיים כלפי נשים וילדים וחזר מהמלחמה עם טראומה, למשל. אין לי ספק שהוא באמת חזר בטראומה, אבל זה עבר בלי ביקורת בכלל. ברור לי שכפסיכיאטר התפקיד שלו הוא לא להפעיל שיפוט מוסרי, ועדיין אפשר היה לכתוב איזו מילה וחצי כמו שהוא עשה במקרים אחרים ופחות שחורים מוסרית)

---

Content Warnings

Graphic: Child death, Confinement, Adult/minor relationship, Body shaming, Bullying, Car accident, Child abuse, Death of parent, Drug abuse, Eating disorder, Genocide, Fire/Fire injury, Alcoholism, Fatphobia, Domestic abuse, Infidelity, Medical trauma, Antisemitism, Chronic illness, Emotional abuse, Ableism, Addiction, Grief, and Drug use

beklovesbooks's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional informative inspiring reflective sad tense slow-paced

5.0

An excellent textbook on trauma and the science-backed approaches to healing from it. Also an interesting journey through the author’s professional experiences that led to his outstanding knowledge on the subject. 

Read the trigger warnings and take them seriously. He often gives details about horrific abuse and sensitive information about patients, later illustrating their growth, but I would imagine it would be too much for many people with backgrounds touched by abuse, neglect, suicide etc.

---

Content Warnings

Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Child abuse, Drug use, Infidelity, Medical content, Medical trauma, Dementia, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Genocide, Hate crime, Incest, Rape, War, Drug abuse, Mass/school shootings, Panic attacks/disorders, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Mental illness, Physical abuse, Grief, Gun violence, and Suicidal thoughts

Moderate: Blood, Mass/school shootings, Pedophilia, Pregnancy, Religious bigotry, Schizophrenia/Psychosis , Suicide attempt, Suicide, Toxic friendship, Toxic relationship, Violence, Confinement, Dysphoria, Torture, War, Biphobia, and Eating disorder

monstrouscosmos's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional informative reflective sad slow-paced

1.0

I used to always recommend this book to people, but I'm at a point where I think it's an avoid. it's meant as a professional resource, and while as a non-professional I think there's something to be gained by learning about these topics: there are less triggering, less retraumatizing, and more empowering options out there. 

---

Content Warnings

Graphic: Abandonment, Grief, Homophobia, Mass/school shootings, Eating disorder, Gaslighting, Infidelity, Car accident, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Emotional abuse, Medical trauma, Ableism, Addiction, Child abuse, Chronic illness, Classism, Colonisation, Death, Genocide, Gun violence, Hate crime, Incest, Mental illness, Misogyny, Murder, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Police brutality, Racism, Rape, Self harm, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual harassment, Sexual violence, Stalking, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Torture, Toxic friendship, Toxic relationship, Trafficking, Violence, and War

susannadkm's review

informative sad medium-paced

3.5

“Social support is not the same as merely being in the presence of others. The critical issue is reciprocity: being truly heard and seen by the people around us, feeling that we are held in someone else’s mind and heart. For our physiology to calm down, heal, and grow we need a visceral feeling of safety. No doctor can write a prescription for friendship and love…” (Chapter 5) 

3.5 stars. This is an absorbing book for anyone curious about trauma therapy and how it’s evolved in recent decades. I like how it’s full of stories, and van der Kolk isn’t afraid to admit when he realized he was wrong (like about eye movement desensitization and reintegration).

I’m not sure it’s the best book to read for those looking for the best treatment methods (so many of the stories are anecdotal) or coming to grips with sexual trauma (so many stories are graphic), though.

I listened to the audiobook.

---

Content Warnings

Graphic: Car accident, Emotional abuse, Pedophilia, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Rape, Self harm, Torture, War, Medical trauma, Physical abuse, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, and Incest

Moderate: Fire/Fire injury, Eating disorder, and Panic attacks/disorders

Minor: Infidelity, Mental illness, Suicidal thoughts, and Murder

kadengrace's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional hopeful informative inspiring reflective slow-paced

2.5

i’ve heard the phrase “the body keeps the score” so often that i wanted to read this book to hopefully learn more, but i think i could have learned more about this concept from better resources. this book was dense and heavy, which meant i needed to split up my reading sessions in order to finish it. i’m not fully sure how useful this book will be to me—i think it brought up interesting ideas that i’m looking forward to exploring in other resources, but i wonder how much detail was needed in descriptions of trauma. it felt overly triggering and written from a relatively narrow point of view. i think i will gain more elsewhere, and i’m not sure what i did gain from reading this book was worth the struggle to finish it.

---

Content Warnings

Graphic: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Gun violence, Incest, Injury/Injury detail, Medical trauma, Mental illness, Trafficking, War, Infidelity, Rape, Schizophrenia/Psychosis , Self harm, Pedophilia, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Addiction, Violence, Misogyny, Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, Sexual violence, Suicide attempt, and Toxic relationship

Moderate: Eating disorder, Grief, Death, Drug use, Alcoholism, Child death, Abandonment, Animal cruelty, Classism, and Adult/minor relationship

brookerobbo's review against another edition

---

Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse, Drug use, Emotional abuse, Forced institutionalization, Pregnancy, Schizophrenia/Psychosis , Addiction, Drug abuse, Physical abuse, Police brutality, Mental illness, Pedophilia, Rape, War, Child abuse, Death, Death of parent, Hate crime, Incest, Murder, Sexual violence, Sexual harassment, Suicide, Terminal illness, Torture, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide attempt, Sexual assault, Violence, Car accident, Genocide, Gun violence, Self harm, Panic attacks/disorders, Sexual content, Grief, Infidelity, Mass/school shootings, Medical content, and Medical trauma

egcam's review against another edition

informative reflective slow-paced

4.0

---

Content Warnings

Graphic: Eating disorder, Violence, Sexual violence, Sexual assault, Rape, Medical trauma, Emotional abuse, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Domestic abuse, Mental illness, Infidelity, Child abuse, Medical content, Incest, War, Schizophrenia/Psychosis , Physical abuse, Alcoholism, and Addiction

emsemaroo's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional informative slow-paced

4.0

---

Content Warnings

Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Incest, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Violence, Death, Domestic abuse, Medical content, Mental illness, Medical trauma, Panic attacks/disorders, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Emotional abuse, Rape, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide attempt, and War

Moderate: Forced institutionalization, Infidelity, Body shaming, Car accident, Fatphobia, Fire/Fire injury, Mass/school shootings, Murder, Stalking, Trafficking, Vomit, Gore, Terminal illness, Drug abuse, Genocide, Ableism, Blood, Body horror, and Kidnapping

l1brarygirl's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional informative reflective sad tense slow-paced

4.5

This was such a difficult book to read - all the trigger warnings for various traumas, please be forewarned. It was so very insightful though. There were many different types of therapies included and discussed and it was impactful to see what coping techniques traumatized people exhibit to survive (and may not realize). The power of the pharmaceutical companies and our [American] health care system that wants to prioritize over-medicating and treating symptoms instead of curing what ails us was also discussed.  There's no money to made when you can sell someone a pill  ...

My actual rating: 4.5 stars - I'm rounding up because I think this book is going to stay with me for a long time. I would recommend it to anyone that wants a deeper understanding of trauma and how it effects your physical body as well as the mind.  

I also recently read [book:Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art|48890486], which may be a very good companion read.

Impactful quotes:
“Many of our patients are barely aware of their breath, so learning to focus on the in and out breath, to notice whether the breath was fast or slow, and to count breaths in some poses can be a significant accomplishment.”

“We have learned that trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain, and body. This imprint has ongoing consequences for how the human organism manages to survive in the present. Trauma results in a fundamental reorganization of the way mind and brain manage perceptions. It changes not only how we think and what we think about, but also our very capacity to think.”

“The greatest sources of our suffering are the lies we tell ourselves.”

“Over the years our research team has repeatedly found that chronic emotional abuse and neglect can be just as devastating as physical abuse and sexual molestation.”

“Talking about painful events doesn’t necessarily establish community – often quite the contrary. Families and organizations may reject members who air the dirty laundry; friends and family can lost patience with people who get stuck in their grief or hurt. This is one reason why trauma victims often withdraw and why their stories become rote narratives, edited into a form least likely to provoke rejection.”

“I wish I could separate trauma from politics, but as long as we continue to live in denial and treat only trauma while ignoring its origins, we are bound to fail. In today’s world your ZIP code, even more than your genetic code, determines whether you will lead a safe and healthy life. People’s income, family structure, housing, employment, and educational opportunities affect not only their risk of developing traumatic stress but also their access to effective help to address it. Poverty, unemployment, inferior schools, social isolation, widespread availability of guns, and substandard housing all are breeding grounds for trauma. Trauma breeds further trauma; hurt people hurt other people.”

---

Content Warnings

Graphic: Physical abuse, Rape, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Sexual violence, Pedophilia, Drug abuse, Sexual assault, Mental illness, Child abuse, Incest, Addiction, Panic attacks/disorders, and Abandonment

Moderate: Self harm, Eating disorder, Sexual harassment, Genocide, Ableism, Infidelity, War, Gaslighting, Death of parent, Abortion, Suicidal thoughts, and Medical trauma

authorbrittanibee's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional informative inspiring reflective sad tense medium-paced

I'm honestly not sure how to rate such a read, but I can certainly share my thoughts on it.

Going in, this book immediately caused the trauma I have been working on to resurface in a very strong way. I think I personally should have prepared myself more mentally for the first half of the book as the stories shared immediately upset me. If certain stories of trauma cause you distress, I highly recommend either mentally preparing yourself for them or skipping to the end of the book where it relates more to healing and recovery (there are still mentions of traumatic stories, but the frequency and intensity is less as this area is more focused on the observable benefits of different types of therapy). This is definitely a book that should be read in manageable chunks, with lots of breaks in between, especially if any of the inner stories resonate with you or your past experiences. 

I definitely felt more empowered as I reached the latter chapters of this book when the author discusses the advances and implications of specific therapies as applied to various trauma survivors. I was especially surprised to find that EMDR had such high rates of "cure" for lack of a better term, but that this did not translate to those with history of childhood trauma, such as myself. What I really appreciated was the extensive dive into each form of therapy (EMDR, Yoga, Physchomotor, Neurofeedback, IFS, etc) as I hadn't heard of many of them and they each offered a potential solution. There are even specific resources and websites listed at the back of the book in case you want to further explore options for yourself. 

Overall, this book was wonderful in helping me to feel seen and less upset about the symptoms I have experienced throughout my life. It even helped me to uncover possible explanations as to why I have such a lapse in memory with my childhood years, reasons I may have been acting out, and why I view the world in the ways I do now. 

---

Content Warnings

Graphic: Alcohol, Alcoholism, Body horror, Blood, Child abuse, Abandonment, Addiction, and Adult/minor relationship

Moderate: Chronic illness, Drug use, Eating disorder, Suicidal thoughts, Drug abuse, Emotional abuse, Infidelity, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, Death, Excrement, Pedophilia, Grief, Gun violence, Mass/school shootings, Self harm, Violence, War, Rape, Sexual harassment, Sexual violence, Suicide attempt, Incest, Suicide, and Toxic relationship