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Fattily Ever After: A Black Fat Girl's Guide to Living Life Unapologetically by Stephanie Yeboah
bruhcheesee's review against another edition
fast-paced
2.0
really wanted to like this book, because it's important to have books about being fat, especially a fat woc, on platforms that reach a lot of people.
however the writing style is obnoxiously ~quirky~ and there doesnt seem to be much substance within the text for the majority of the book.
the saving graces of this book were chapter 6 and 7, which toned down the yaass and slay speak to be a bit more selfreflective, and bring interesting and not-often-talked-about subjects up, like eating disorders within fat bodies, or medical neglect and downright malpractice that fat bodies often have to endure.
the book brings up a lot of good points but structures them in a way where it looks like the author is just making vague observations instead of bringing up the existing statistics to back her up (another saving grace of chapter 6 and 7, lots of interesting stats and research is brought up and used as sources)
overall a book with good intentions and important messages structured in a yassified, first draft, clumsy, nothing-burger way that could have been so much more.
however the writing style is obnoxiously ~quirky~ and there doesnt seem to be much substance within the text for the majority of the book.
the saving graces of this book were chapter 6 and 7, which toned down the yaass and slay speak to be a bit more selfreflective, and bring interesting and not-often-talked-about subjects up, like eating disorders within fat bodies, or medical neglect and downright malpractice that fat bodies often have to endure.
the book brings up a lot of good points but structures them in a way where it looks like the author is just making vague observations instead of bringing up the existing statistics to back her up (another saving grace of chapter 6 and 7, lots of interesting stats and research is brought up and used as sources)
overall a book with good intentions and important messages structured in a yassified, first draft, clumsy, nothing-burger way that could have been so much more.
gilmoremk's review against another edition
2.0
I wanted to love this, because I enjoy following Stephanie on social media, but I really didn't. She's very candid and colloquial on social media, which is great, but she writes exactly the same here and it doesn't translate well into a full-sized book. I just don't like the writing style at all. There are good nuggets of information in the book, and I think it's a perspective that we need to hear more from, but this specific book is a miss for me.
charmoffinches's review against another edition
4.0
I've been following Stephanie Yeboah on Instagram for the past year. I love how her personality really shown through this book!
I really appreciate this book for giving me the perspective of a fat, black womxn. It really helped me identify some of my internalized fatphobia, even as a plus sized woman.
I really appreciate this book for giving me the perspective of a fat, black womxn. It really helped me identify some of my internalized fatphobia, even as a plus sized woman.
dsuttles's review
4.0
Great read and another excellent addition to the growing body of work on fat acceptance and body liberation!
As a white woman, my key takeaways were how sizeism and fat hate affect women of color -- so I would recommend this book to other white women who are looking to continue their education on their privilege and improving their anti-racist outlook. For example:
Stephanie shines a light on the real prevalence of eating disorders among women of color. Our poster child for eating disorders is a thin, frail white girl a la Alice in Wonderland - but the reality is many girls of color struggle with eating disorders too. One of the things Stephanie mentions is how there is unfortunately mental health stigma present in many African American and Afro-Caribbean communities, which may make it difficult for women and girls of color + size to feel like they have a safe space to talk about their issues. This was true for Stephanie, who was raised by Ghanaian parents.
In addition to that, of course, is medical establishment bias. Doctors don't even ask young women of color about their eating disorder symptoms, which goes along seamlessly with doctors ignoring the pain and experiences of people in color in general. Due to what I assume is a blind spot of white privilege, I was surprised to learn that black teenagers are 50% more likely than white teenagers to exhibit bulimic behaviors. Chapter 7 has some devastating stories from a variety of women of color, which really I could not do justice by recapping here. Read them for yourself. They are awful. As someone who regularly experience fatphobic bias from American doctors, I believe them all.
Unfortunately, white women like myself sometimes have this mythological understanding of WOC being so confident and secure in their bodies. We act like they have it easier because their "culture" accepts them, black men love curves, etc. But this is all myth and it's rooted in racist ideology. Indeed, in another chapter on dating Stephanie talks about how black men in her experience are only interested in fat white women (perhaps because of the social leverage that comes with being with a white person). While she had one partner leave her for another black woman of size, it was because that woman's "curves" were in the right places. She helps explain, through anecdote and a basic intersectional lens, how fat black women are on the bottom of the mainstream social desirability pyramid. That affects their experience in every aspect of life, including work, school, and dating. (As a fat woman myself, I can say I was NOT surprised by the types of comments she got on dating apps. Those were par for the course in my experience too).
That is not to say there are no WOC who are genuinely confident in their bodies. In chapter 6, Stephanie interviews Natasha Devon MBE on mental health and weight. Devon shares her experience growing up with 2 tall, fat, black Aunties who "carry themselves like Queens" but later realizes "their attitude must have been the result of a lot of previous struggle for acceptance." My takeaway here was that even when we do see WOC with that "confidence" we must be mindful about where it comes from. We shouldn't exploit black women's pain by celebrating their triumph over marginalization; they're not here for our inspiration. As Stephanie says, "Lifelong battles with multiple sets of beauty standards leave many black womxn with no choice but to engage in disordered eating in an effort to almost... 'correct' our 'fundamentally flawed' bodies." We should be analyzing why the world is so shit to black women and then figuring out how we can change that. We should stop glamorizing the myth of the strong black woman.
So overall, I really enjoyed the book and devoured it in just a couple days. That said, I did have 2 criticisms that I would like to mention:
1. Stephanie uses the word "overweight" a few times in the book to describe both herself and others. She does acknowledge the problematic medicalization of the terms obese/obesity, so I'm not sure why "overweight" still gets incorporated into her lexicon. It made me a little uneasy when I first encountered it. I don't think it spoils her overall message and it is used only a few times, but fair warning to anyone else who is triggered by it.
2. Stephanie uses the term "womxn" but never really explains what she means by it. I think - and this is me stretching back to my undergrad days - the spelling choice is meant to be inclusive. I think I've seen "womyn" before too, as a way to disassociate from the idea (linguistic or otherwise) that women are just slightly modified men. I also see folx used in trans and non-binary communities as a way to promote inclusivity of all, well... "folx" on the gender spectrum. I can't say I fully understand what her intention was behind it, so I do wish there had been a short explanation at the beginning.
Finally, I would like to add that the book's design is super fun and colorful. All the graphics and illustrations in it give it a special flair. I got a hardcover copy that had one of those built-in bookmarks, which I love. Also, the cover has slightly raised lettering and decals, so you can run your fingers across it. It's just the kind of book that feels good in your hands and a treat for the eyes. I can see a lot of younger women and girls picking it up and feeling drawn in; it's a beautiful thought. :)
As a white woman, my key takeaways were how sizeism and fat hate affect women of color -- so I would recommend this book to other white women who are looking to continue their education on their privilege and improving their anti-racist outlook. For example:
Stephanie shines a light on the real prevalence of eating disorders among women of color. Our poster child for eating disorders is a thin, frail white girl a la Alice in Wonderland - but the reality is many girls of color struggle with eating disorders too. One of the things Stephanie mentions is how there is unfortunately mental health stigma present in many African American and Afro-Caribbean communities, which may make it difficult for women and girls of color + size to feel like they have a safe space to talk about their issues. This was true for Stephanie, who was raised by Ghanaian parents.
In addition to that, of course, is medical establishment bias. Doctors don't even ask young women of color about their eating disorder symptoms, which goes along seamlessly with doctors ignoring the pain and experiences of people in color in general. Due to what I assume is a blind spot of white privilege, I was surprised to learn that black teenagers are 50% more likely than white teenagers to exhibit bulimic behaviors. Chapter 7 has some devastating stories from a variety of women of color, which really I could not do justice by recapping here. Read them for yourself. They are awful. As someone who regularly experience fatphobic bias from American doctors, I believe them all.
Unfortunately, white women like myself sometimes have this mythological understanding of WOC being so confident and secure in their bodies. We act like they have it easier because their "culture" accepts them, black men love curves, etc. But this is all myth and it's rooted in racist ideology. Indeed, in another chapter on dating Stephanie talks about how black men in her experience are only interested in fat white women (perhaps because of the social leverage that comes with being with a white person). While she had one partner leave her for another black woman of size, it was because that woman's "curves" were in the right places. She helps explain, through anecdote and a basic intersectional lens, how fat black women are on the bottom of the mainstream social desirability pyramid. That affects their experience in every aspect of life, including work, school, and dating. (As a fat woman myself, I can say I was NOT surprised by the types of comments she got on dating apps. Those were par for the course in my experience too).
That is not to say there are no WOC who are genuinely confident in their bodies. In chapter 6, Stephanie interviews Natasha Devon MBE on mental health and weight. Devon shares her experience growing up with 2 tall, fat, black Aunties who "carry themselves like Queens" but later realizes "their attitude must have been the result of a lot of previous struggle for acceptance." My takeaway here was that even when we do see WOC with that "confidence" we must be mindful about where it comes from. We shouldn't exploit black women's pain by celebrating their triumph over marginalization; they're not here for our inspiration. As Stephanie says, "Lifelong battles with multiple sets of beauty standards leave many black womxn with no choice but to engage in disordered eating in an effort to almost... 'correct' our 'fundamentally flawed' bodies." We should be analyzing why the world is so shit to black women and then figuring out how we can change that. We should stop glamorizing the myth of the strong black woman.
So overall, I really enjoyed the book and devoured it in just a couple days. That said, I did have 2 criticisms that I would like to mention:
1. Stephanie uses the word "overweight" a few times in the book to describe both herself and others. She does acknowledge the problematic medicalization of the terms obese/obesity, so I'm not sure why "overweight" still gets incorporated into her lexicon. It made me a little uneasy when I first encountered it. I don't think it spoils her overall message and it is used only a few times, but fair warning to anyone else who is triggered by it.
2. Stephanie uses the term "womxn" but never really explains what she means by it. I think - and this is me stretching back to my undergrad days - the spelling choice is meant to be inclusive. I think I've seen "womyn" before too, as a way to disassociate from the idea (linguistic or otherwise) that women are just slightly modified men. I also see folx used in trans and non-binary communities as a way to promote inclusivity of all, well... "folx" on the gender spectrum. I can't say I fully understand what her intention was behind it, so I do wish there had been a short explanation at the beginning.
Finally, I would like to add that the book's design is super fun and colorful. All the graphics and illustrations in it give it a special flair. I got a hardcover copy that had one of those built-in bookmarks, which I love. Also, the cover has slightly raised lettering and decals, so you can run your fingers across it. It's just the kind of book that feels good in your hands and a treat for the eyes. I can see a lot of younger women and girls picking it up and feeling drawn in; it's a beautiful thought. :)
pinksy's review against another edition
4.0
Such an empowering and inspiring read.
Beautifully written and honest but funny at the same time.
Anyone who has ever felt that they don’t fit the ‘mould’ needs to read this book!
Beautifully written and honest but funny at the same time.
Anyone who has ever felt that they don’t fit the ‘mould’ needs to read this book!
kayleighhroseee's review
4.0
This book feels like a natural extension of Stephanie’s social media; fun, insightful & moving, with the perfect balance of fact & personal experience/ opinion.
I have learned a lot about myself, about Steph & about society. I have learned about black history & white privilege; specifically about the similarities & differences in treatment of people living in fat bodies, depending on their skin colour.
It was particularly enjoyable to read the personal accounts of others which Steph sensitively included, as well as directing us to the social media’s of other inspirational people we can look up to & learn from. OH, & the book is super pretty with gorgeous, bright illustrations throughout!100%, I’d recommend.
I have learned a lot about myself, about Steph & about society. I have learned about black history & white privilege; specifically about the similarities & differences in treatment of people living in fat bodies, depending on their skin colour.
It was particularly enjoyable to read the personal accounts of others which Steph sensitively included, as well as directing us to the social media’s of other inspirational people we can look up to & learn from. OH, & the book is super pretty with gorgeous, bright illustrations throughout!100%, I’d recommend.
rootsinmydreamland13's review
3.0
3.5 stars. This book is gorgeous, and I think Stephanie is a really important voice in the body positivity/fat acceptance space (especially since so many books of this genre are written by small-fat white women - it’s SO important to have BIPOC women represented in this space). But I wish that the book had delved deeper into things - as is, it felt a bit surface level and repetitive.
amanda_nyanhongo's review against another edition
4.0
Steph is unapologetically honest, incredibly vulnerable and witty in this book! Every plus sized black woman needs to pick this book up, seriously!
An extensive amount of research went into this book and it shows. Whilst after some chapters it felt like the book took a dip and circled around the same conclusions. It didn’t take away from the book. I especially loved the practical “how to guides” she provided in most chapters.
It’s one thing to be told to embrace and love yourself. But it’s a complete other thing to be given practical and easily implementable steps. So many topics hit close to home & made me feel so seen and validated. Iam especially grateful for the plethora of resources Steph gave for me and many other plus sized gurls to immerse ourselves in and to use at our disposal.
Your voice represents the multitude of many other marginalised fat women. Thank you for penning this down Steph, thank you.
An extensive amount of research went into this book and it shows. Whilst after some chapters it felt like the book took a dip and circled around the same conclusions. It didn’t take away from the book. I especially loved the practical “how to guides” she provided in most chapters.
It’s one thing to be told to embrace and love yourself. But it’s a complete other thing to be given practical and easily implementable steps. So many topics hit close to home & made me feel so seen and validated. Iam especially grateful for the plethora of resources Steph gave for me and many other plus sized gurls to immerse ourselves in and to use at our disposal.
Your voice represents the multitude of many other marginalised fat women. Thank you for penning this down Steph, thank you.
frillyprawn's review against another edition
5.0
So I took my sweet time reading this book and honestly... I can say it’s one of my favourite things I’ve read this year.
It’s beautiful and moving and funny and insightful and I got all up in my feelings as soon as I opened it. Stephanie is so funny and relatable that I just wished I was her friend!
She’s amazing and discusses a variety of topics in this book so eloquently. I found myself agreeing with so much of what she was saying, but she also talked about things that I hadn’t thought/heard of before.
I would wholly recommend this to everybody and anybody because it’s brilliant- I have no criticisms!
It’s beautiful and moving and funny and insightful and I got all up in my feelings as soon as I opened it. Stephanie is so funny and relatable that I just wished I was her friend!
She’s amazing and discusses a variety of topics in this book so eloquently. I found myself agreeing with so much of what she was saying, but she also talked about things that I hadn’t thought/heard of before.
I would wholly recommend this to everybody and anybody because it’s brilliant- I have no criticisms!
rosemina's review against another edition
5.0
This was an incredible learning experience while having my own feelings and experiences validated. A great read that I highly recommend for anyone wanting to better understand the experiences of fat women (and specifically black fat women) and why the fat liberation movement is so important.