Reviews tagging 'Suicidal thoughts'

A Woman Is No Man by Etaf Rum

158 reviews

puttingwingsonwords's review against another edition

reflective sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexism, Grief, and Death of parent

Moderate: Alcoholism, Child abuse, Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Abortion, Murder, Pregnancy, and Alcohol

moonadjacent's review against another edition

dark emotional inspiring sad slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? No

3.5

There aren't that many events that actually go into the plot and the mystery is not much of a focal point so mystery-lovers would probably be disappointed with the 'reveal'. This book is much more about the characters, their relationships with each other, intergenerational trauma, and the cycle of abuse/violence from colonialism to sexism to family violence. 

Two excerpts that showcase these themes: 

"...had taught her that the traumas of the world were inseparably connected. She was not surprised when her father came home and beat them mercilessly, the tragedy of the Nakba bulging in his veins... She knew that the suffering of women started in the suffering of men, that the bondages of one became the bondages of the other."

"...how shame could grow and morph and swallow someone until she had no choice but to pass it along so that she wasn't forced to bear it alone... She saw the chain of shame passed from one woman to the next so clearly now, saw her place in the cycle so vividly." 

With the bleakness of the violence described, it would be easy to feel hopeless and unable to see a pathway for Deya (central character) to ever become a well-adjusted young woman free to make her own choices. However, while the author does not shy away from some quite graphic descriptions they also manage to maintain some sense of hope throughout the book. I believe the sense of wonder and escapism that books and storytelling bring to the characters is what helps keep this seemingly unwarranted hope stay alive.

Although the novel is somewhat repetitive in its recounting back and forth between set events and timeframes, I stayed hooked and eager to read til the end. I think Etaf Rum has done well to portray and give voice to a story that is true representation for a number of some. Even in the book, there is evidence that religion is not the basis for all culture, and culture cannot be taken as the sole basis for every action taken by a specific family or individual. How these influences manifest will be different for all and unfortunately terrible for some. Hopefully anyone with critical thinking skills can discern this difference and more of these stories can be shared without fearing potential backlash such as increasing prejudice towards Islam or Palestine.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Child abuse, Death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Miscarriage, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Self harm, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Violence, Blood, Grief, Religious bigotry, Abortion, Pregnancy, and Injury/Injury detail

Moderate: Alcoholism, Genocide, Rape, Death of parent, Colonisation, and War

Minor: Child death, Suicide, Xenophobia, Islamophobia, and Murder

sassyykassie's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional inspiring reflective sad tense fast-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Rape, Violence, Murder, Gaslighting, and Injury/Injury detail

Moderate: Alcoholism, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, and Abortion

Minor: Child death, Genocide, Xenophobia, Car accident, Pregnancy, Abandonment, and War

mhsunni's review against another edition

dark emotional sad medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated

4.5

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse, Physical abuse, Rape, and Toxic relationship

Moderate: Alcoholism, Suicidal thoughts, and Murder

sanjreadsbooks's review against another edition

dark emotional hopeful sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.75

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Miscarriage, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Violence, Blood, Grief, Abortion, and Murder

casira's review

challenging dark emotional hopeful inspiring mysterious reflective sad tense slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? No
• Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
• Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

3.0

This book struggles, at times, with the message it ultimately wants to convey about its themes. There are a lot of complexities surrounding abusers and victims that are handled very well, but also some that are handled a bit poorly. It is ultimately about conveying the significance of choice and shaping one's own destiny, but that messaging can fall flat in circumstances when the choices at hand are entangled in questions of personal safety. There are moments that glorify a willingness to withstand torture and physical assault over "running away" that don't resonate in quite the way I think the author intended.

I'm also struggling a bit with the aspects of culture and tone regarding America, identity, and assimilation. I think Rum failed somewhat in marking the distinction between "there are elements of Arab/Palestinian culture that reinforce and enable abuse" and "Arab/Palestinian culture is inherently abusive." The reader walks away with a somewhat explicit message about the superiority of Western society. I think Rum's second book handles these themes far better.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Alcoholism, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Self harm, Sexism, Violence, Blood, Islamophobia, Grief, Death of parent, Colonisation, and Injury/Injury detail

Moderate: Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Murder, and Pregnancy

kayarosee's review against another edition

dark emotional informative sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.75

What a beautiful book. And so important to read in today’s climate. A story about multiple generations coping with fleeing their homeland to find an even scarier reality in the US. I feel like it truly reflects the Palestinian-American existence and the struggles that comes with it even before October of last year. If you are looking to become more informed on the Palestinian experience and some history but don’t want a history book read this.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse, Misogyny, Sexism, Sexual assault, Suicidal thoughts, Murder, and Sexual harassment

ratnix's review against another edition

dark emotional sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes

3.75

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Alcoholism, Child death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Violence, Medical content, Grief, Abortion, Murder, and Alcohol

boba_nbooks's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional inspiring reflective sad medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

A Woman is No Man did not disappoint. Rum encapsulates womanhood under an extremely patriarchal culture and shows hope for the future. 

In 1990, 17-year-old Isra is shipped from Palestine to marry an Arab who lives in America. Isra struggles to find approval and love from her husband and mother-in-law through obedience, servitude, and motherhood, but nothing ever seems like it's enough. In 2008, Isra's 17-year-old daughter, Deya, is facing what Isra did 18 years ago: an arranged marriage. Eventually, Deya starts to question how her mother and father died and if she really wants to follow the path her grandmother wants for her. Told in a dual timeline with three points of view (Isra, Deya, and sometimes Fareeda--Isra's mother-in-law and Deya's grandmother), the novel paints a pictures of how this version of Arab culture oppresses women, essentially puts them all into a box, and leaves them with no choices of their own. 

Though its message could be overt at times, I believe choosing our own destiny and standing up for what we want is a message that is worth repeating. Readers witness a form of Arab culture that is extremely patriarchal and allows, and at times encourages, the abuse of women. The ways each of the main characters choose to understand and fight against that abuse are quite different, but in the end, they all choose the same thing: themselves. 

This novel is equally devastating and encouraging. Anyone with a pulse will be heartbroken for everything the women have to go through. But watching each of them break the cycle in their own way is so inspiring. I hope to have the same courage that they do.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Child death, Domestic abuse, Physical abuse, and Rape

Moderate: Alcoholism, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Abortion, Murder, and Pregnancy

elizabethww's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional hopeful informative inspiring mysterious reflective sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

This book was so emotional, so hard to read, and so real. The ending left me in awe with a feeling of confusion, until I began to put together some pieces of the story that I had found confusing when they happened. It all fell into place. In the end, I was flabbergasted – an amazing read. I highly recommend this book.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Genocide, Miscarriage, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Violence, Grief, Death of parent, Murder, Pregnancy, Gaslighting, War, and Injury/Injury detail