mbbritton's review
1.0
I only made if half-way through before I was sick of her repetitive narrative. I was hoping for more humor and also a take-away or two of solid advice or lessons learned.
sadiereadsagain's review against another edition
3.0
This is one of a few divorce memoirs I bought to get me through the end of my own marriage. This is very different to the first of these I read ([a:Liadan Hynes|20020327|Liadan Hynes|https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/u_50x66-632230dc9882b4352d753eedf9396530.png]' [b:How to Fall Apart: Things I’ve Learned About Losing and Finding Love|51286888|How to Fall Apart Things I’ve Learned About Losing and Finding Love|Liadan Hynes|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1581773182l/51286888._SY75_.jpg|75999417], which is very focused on what she did to heal and is more of a self-help book), in that it is laser-focused on Finnamore's own feelings and reactions. I really enjoyed that perspective. It also deals directly with infidelity, which I feel gives a divorce a very different taint.
This book is structured around the stages of grief, which I really appreciated. Given that divorce is so commonplace in modern society, it can often not be taken as seriously in the eyes of others when someone is experiencing it. But it really is a loss akin to a death, particularly when the circumstances around it mean that one partner was not expecting it and doesn't want it, and when the actions of the divorcing spouse leave the bereft one feeling as if they didn't really know that person at all.
Finnamore opens this memoir at the exact moment her husband told her he wanted a divorce, and details the drip-truth as the pieces around his sudden announcement slowly fit into place. She is honest about the red flags leading up to the marriage breakdown which she either ignored or didn't see; how she used alcohol to cope; how difficult it was for her to function, and even about the things that many desperate abandoned partners will do to try and prevent the destruction of the life and family they had built. Throughout this, she also has some quirky but wonderful characters who rally round to support her, share in her disbelief and give her some tough love along the way. She maintains a snarkiness and dark humour that really spoke to me, and I appreciated her pettiness. She keeps it real, which is essential because the myth of the dignified divorcee is a narrative that serves no one except those who want to hurt others with impunity.
What I felt was lacking was a context for the marriage so we can really empathise with her reaction in the fallout. We learn next to nothing about her ex or their relationship. But I understand that it would be incredibly hard to write about the good times once they have been lost, especially when they have been cancelled out by all that came after. I also get the feeling this was written when things were still fairly raw, so what we miss in the reminiscing we gain in the honesty of her divorce experience.
I hope Suzanne has been able to put this time in her life behind her, and flourish in the years since she wrote this.
This book is structured around the stages of grief, which I really appreciated. Given that divorce is so commonplace in modern society, it can often not be taken as seriously in the eyes of others when someone is experiencing it. But it really is a loss akin to a death, particularly when the circumstances around it mean that one partner was not expecting it and doesn't want it, and when the actions of the divorcing spouse leave the bereft one feeling as if they didn't really know that person at all.
Finnamore opens this memoir at the exact moment her husband told her he wanted a divorce, and details the drip-truth as the pieces around his sudden announcement slowly fit into place. She is honest about the red flags leading up to the marriage breakdown which she either ignored or didn't see; how she used alcohol to cope; how difficult it was for her to function, and even about the things that many desperate abandoned partners will do to try and prevent the destruction of the life and family they had built. Throughout this, she also has some quirky but wonderful characters who rally round to support her, share in her disbelief and give her some tough love along the way. She maintains a snarkiness and dark humour that really spoke to me, and I appreciated her pettiness. She keeps it real, which is essential because the myth of the dignified divorcee is a narrative that serves no one except those who want to hurt others with impunity.
What I felt was lacking was a context for the marriage so we can really empathise with her reaction in the fallout. We learn next to nothing about her ex or their relationship. But I understand that it would be incredibly hard to write about the good times once they have been lost, especially when they have been cancelled out by all that came after. I also get the feeling this was written when things were still fairly raw, so what we miss in the reminiscing we gain in the honesty of her divorce experience.
I hope Suzanne has been able to put this time in her life behind her, and flourish in the years since she wrote this.
kricketa's review
4.0
Reread- September 2021
Finnamore's references to cross-dressing or tendency to lapse into offensive accents did not age well. (More accurate: were also offensive on the first read but I didn't notice because I'm a ding-dong.) I don't relate to her or her method of dealing with adversity as much as I did in my 20s, which is weird because now I am the age she was when she got divorced. That said I still enjoy the crafting of her lovely sentences.
First read- August 2012
i like to read about marriage and marriages, even bad ones. but it took me a few years to pick this one up because i loved suzanne finnamore's novels, which seemed to be based on her life, and it made me upset that her husband wound up being a doofus. still. what better day to begin a book about a divorce than my 6 year wedding anniversary? (my husband is used to me; didn't even bat an eye.)
ANYWAY. finnamore throws us right in the water by beginning mere seconds before her husband tells her he's out, and launches us into a nearly-flawless account of all her feelings and reactions, reasonable and unreasonable. even better, they're hysterical. i don't know who i love more, suzanne's mom, bunny, or her friend christian. they're the people i used to read about in memoirs and think "nobody's friends are really like that, are they? breezing into your life when you need them with exactly the perfect thing to say." and then i met this woman named kat who cuts my hair, so now i know these people really do exist. where was i?
i love that the ending isn't full of platitudes and lessons learned, as i feared from reading the book flap. sure, suzanne learns some things. she might be ready for love again someday. but nothing's perfect. it is what it is.
the one thing that bothered me is how much she seemed to see this coming (cocktail napkin, etc) without actually opening her eyes to see it coming. but she freely admits that she did this. again, nobody's perfect.
every single WORD in this memoir seems as though it has been hand-carved exactly for the occasion. it has ruined me for other books, which all seem plodding and clunky in comparison.
Finnamore's references to cross-dressing or tendency to lapse into offensive accents did not age well. (More accurate: were also offensive on the first read but I didn't notice because I'm a ding-dong.) I don't relate to her or her method of dealing with adversity as much as I did in my 20s, which is weird because now I am the age she was when she got divorced. That said I still enjoy the crafting of her lovely sentences.
First read- August 2012
i like to read about marriage and marriages, even bad ones. but it took me a few years to pick this one up because i loved suzanne finnamore's novels, which seemed to be based on her life, and it made me upset that her husband wound up being a doofus. still. what better day to begin a book about a divorce than my 6 year wedding anniversary? (my husband is used to me; didn't even bat an eye.)
ANYWAY. finnamore throws us right in the water by beginning mere seconds before her husband tells her he's out, and launches us into a nearly-flawless account of all her feelings and reactions, reasonable and unreasonable. even better, they're hysterical. i don't know who i love more, suzanne's mom, bunny, or her friend christian. they're the people i used to read about in memoirs and think "nobody's friends are really like that, are they? breezing into your life when you need them with exactly the perfect thing to say." and then i met this woman named kat who cuts my hair, so now i know these people really do exist. where was i?
i love that the ending isn't full of platitudes and lessons learned, as i feared from reading the book flap. sure, suzanne learns some things. she might be ready for love again someday. but nothing's perfect. it is what it is.
the one thing that bothered me is how much she seemed to see this coming (cocktail napkin, etc) without actually opening her eyes to see it coming. but she freely admits that she did this. again, nobody's perfect.
every single WORD in this memoir seems as though it has been hand-carved exactly for the occasion. it has ruined me for other books, which all seem plodding and clunky in comparison.
melissakuzma's review
Ugh, this was horrible. I couldn't even make it halfway through. I'm all for reading about depressing topics, so that's not what turned me off. There was just nothing redeeming about it - it wasn't funny, I didn't learn anything, none of the characters were likable, sympathetic or real (even though they're real people!). Maybe it's just me, but I did not get this book.
jaclynday's review
3.0
It takes a little while to get used to Finnamore’s unique writing style, but it’s clear that she has a compelling way of bringing the story of her divorce and its aftermath to readers. I won’t deny that I found this book a “page-turner” because my parents are going through a similar situation, and I also can’t pretend that I didn’t see them on every page of Finnamore’s story. Divorce or separation is kind of like giving birth in that way: you see similarities where there may not even be any simply because it’s a life experience that tethers you to someone else, even in the smallest, most minute way. I’ve been there, you’ve been there, we know what it’s like. That’s what you tell yourself.
Anyway, Split is painful to read and Finnamore’s reaction to her husband’s abandonment and betrayal feels all too real. The love and pain she feels for her son is apparent too, and comes up over and over again. Luckily, her mother, affectionately referred to as “Bunny,” pops in and out of the story to mix strong cocktails and provide sage advice and humor. It’s an intensely readable book, the kind you don’t really want to put down until you’ve reached the last page.
But, for all the good things in this book, the best is when Finnamore starts recovering—seeing a new life in front of her, a way out of the grief and sadness she feels. Maybe the best part of this memoir is the hope that she leaves you with at the end.
Anyway, Split is painful to read and Finnamore’s reaction to her husband’s abandonment and betrayal feels all too real. The love and pain she feels for her son is apparent too, and comes up over and over again. Luckily, her mother, affectionately referred to as “Bunny,” pops in and out of the story to mix strong cocktails and provide sage advice and humor. It’s an intensely readable book, the kind you don’t really want to put down until you’ve reached the last page.
But, for all the good things in this book, the best is when Finnamore starts recovering—seeing a new life in front of her, a way out of the grief and sadness she feels. Maybe the best part of this memoir is the hope that she leaves you with at the end.
tschmitty's review
3.0
I keep reading these divorce memoirs thinking something is going to click and make me feel better about my life. So far not so much. Where are the memoirs about the poor women? I could relate to the raw emotions this author shared. I think those feelings of being betrayed and replaced are universal. I also really liked her mom. She was a wise and cool lady.
lghammond's review
4.0
Interesting interrogation of the author's interior state during her divorce... annoyingly unaware of how fortunately she was to be able to keep the million-two house in the settlement compared to what many women undergo during divorce, but with enough interesting observations to make one consider overlooking it. My favorite was when the author's mother said (paraphrased roughly) that the problem with men is they never die when you want them to. :)
mhall's review against another edition
3.0
A well-off, attractive writer in an affluent California suburb gets divorced from her older husband, who has been cheating on her with another woman. Nicely written but I never felt that I connected to the author's experiences - or, maybe, it felt like she didn't have all that much insight into what she went through while getting divorced, or lacked enough distance to describe it in a way that had an overall structure or narrative that was going somewhere (despite the use of the stages of grief as chapter headings.) She also refers to her son and husband by initials, and I would occassionally get mixed up as to who was who. I was pleased that her description of herself (wide-set eyes, crisp white shirt), was exactly reflected in the author photograph.
misscbingley's review against another edition
1.0
It's a little unfair for me to put this on the "read" shelf, since I only skimmed it, reading a few pages per chapter. I quickly got tired of the way the book jumped around between events, the pseudo-poetic style of writing (that was really just overblown), and the constant "I didn't see it coming" refrain -- really? Really? The husband comes off as a jerk, even when they were supposedly happy. He was showing extremely suspicious behavior for years. I wanted to hear more about the decline of their marriage (how did they get here? was it doomed from the start? why did he cheat?) and less about how she was(n't) coping with the aftermath.