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minkkmuse's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.5
Graphic: Child death, Death, Mental illness, Suicidal thoughts, and Grief
miranda_mic's review against another edition
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
3.5
Graphic: Death and Grief
kjbreads's review against another edition
4.0
Graphic: Child death, Death, and Grief
sofiadidonato's review against another edition
emotional
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.0
Graphic: Grief
Moderate: Death
lexim's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
Moderate: Child death and Death
sagittariusly_'s review against another edition
emotional
sad
slow-paced
Minor: Death
queerghstbuster's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
inspiring
reflective
sad
slow-paced
4.75
Moderate: Death
Minor: Abandonment
emilycm's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
reflective
sad
medium-paced
5.0
very painful and resonating in the bewilderment that grief and sudden loss can bring. i thought that there was an intention and real clarity in some things being loosely threaded together, but that the consistency of quintana's childhood, wedding, and death all blended into the same for didion writing this. this really gripped me, and as a lover of her work, i think this became one of my favorites. i especially think the beginning explanation of 'blue nights' and ending were really profound.
Graphic: Death and Grief
ajoyr's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
fast-paced
4.0
Graphic: Child death, Death, Terminal illness, Medical content, and Grief
wellfedpages's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
reflective
sad
slow-paced
‘Let me just be in the ground and go to sleep'
- Quintana
What to say about a book that leaves you torn to shreds
I did not cry while reading this book
But crying is not the only sign of sadness, or feeling anything deeply
Crying is an outlet for something that splinters much deeper
It's wonderful if you can
But not everyone can. Or does. Or wants to
A friend once told me I should cry more
As if crying was like turning on a tap
When you have calcified into a certain person, you don't turn into someone else overnight
That is if you change at all
Which is only if you want to, or life shapes you to
I wonder if she would suggest that to a man
Perhaps not
Men don't cry. That is the natural order of things. Even if you do try to chip away at toxic masculinity
Men don't cry. That is the natural order of things. Even if you do try to chip away at toxic masculinity
Women not crying is unnatural, cold, psychopathic
Because god forbid a woman shows a strong façade or keeps her grief private
Perhaps then I am a man
The only logical explanation for being the way I am, because last I checked I am not a psychopath
But what has that got to do with this book you ask?
Well it's a melancholy meditation on mortality, motherhood, memory and the middling circumstances we call life
And yes it's heart-breaking
Though each heart breaks differently
So let's not compare our shattered pieces
'When we talk about mortality we are talking about our children'
I don't have children, but her pain pierced through my cold little heart
I don't have children, but her pain pierced through my cold little heart
Adoption, fear of abandonment, search for identity, the crippling fear of failing as a mother and ageing alone are things that she gently draws out from her boxes of memories and lays out for us in a new light
It also brought up personal feelings related to illness & hospitalization
How to faint on your bedroom floor and wake up in a pool of blood
How to insert cameras into your body
How to get afraid of getting up from a chair
to name a few
I also felt seen by certain passages in a way I rarely have
'I was short, I was thin, I could circle my wrists with my thumb and index finger. My earliest memories involve being urged by my mother to gain weight, as if my failure to do so were willful, an act of rebellion
'I ask what caused this neuritis, this neuropathy, this neurological inflammation.
Not weighing enough, he answers.
It does not escape me that the consensus on what is wrong with me has once again insinuated the ball in my court.
…
I drink the protein shakes.
I eat the freshly laid eggs from the farm in New Jersey and the perfect vanilla ice cream from Maison du Chocolat on Madison Avenue.
Nonetheless.
I do not gain weight.'
Didion's life dug deep into mine
Just like the opening lines by Quintana
Her passing away was sadly perhaps the petfect time to read this book
It's not just about losing a child, but a quest to know whether she knew that child at all, whether any of us can ever truly know another person, even if we know them intimately, even if we raise them.
We can keep trying to run through life, but as Didion reminds us -
'By that evening when the play closed it seemed clear that I had in fact maintained momentum, but it also seemed clear that maintaining momentum came at a certain cost...One phrase that came to mind that night was "pushing yourself". Another was "beyond endurance".'
So the question is, how far will you keep pushing?
Graphic: Death, Suicidal thoughts, Medical content, and Grief
Minor: Alcoholism