Reviews tagging 'Abandonment'

Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern

11 reviews

khouris_pov's review against another edition

informative medium-paced

5.0

I really enjoyed this book. I picked this up as a monogamous person who wanted to learn tips around normalizing but working through feelings jealousy and ownership that I’ve felt with past partners and it truly opened my eyes to a lot. I loved that it was framed through the lens of attachment and that was rooted throughout the book. It also made me question or rather broaden my own identity as a monogamous person. I thoroughly enjoyed this read! 

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Content Warnings

Minor: Adult/minor relationship and Abandonment

benmeyer50's review against another edition

challenging hopeful informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

5.0

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Body shaming, Homophobia, Infidelity, Misogyny, Panic attacks/disorders, Sexism, Sexual content, Toxic relationship, Grief, and Abandonment

scmiller's review against another edition

hopeful informative inspiring reflective slow-paced

4.25

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Colonisation

Minor: Child abuse, Chronic illness, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Toxic relationship, Religious bigotry, Gaslighting, and Abandonment

hale7's review against another edition

emotional hopeful informative reflective medium-paced

3.75

A really good intro to the concept of adult attachment and how to change them. Fern makes a good case for approaching nonmonogamy from an attachment framework, but she doesn’t do the work of explaining how attachment theory is currently only constructed for middle class white (and Global North) nuclear families. More nuance is needed to account for intersectionality

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Content Warnings

Minor: Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Infidelity, Physical abuse, Sexual violence, Toxic relationship, Gaslighting, Abandonment, and Colonisation

tmchopra's review against another edition

informative reflective fast-paced

4.0

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Abandonment

Minor: Addiction, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Sexual content, Toxic relationship, and Pandemic/Epidemic

christalbotheindl's review against another edition

challenging emotional informative reflective slow-paced

4.5

This book was suggested to me as someone practicing consensual nonmonogamy again after 17 years of monogamy, and it was really incredible to read such a concise explanation of attachment styles and how my childhood trauma impacted it. While it's in the title, I was expecting that to be more about attachment and trauma in relationships and less a breakdown of how our childhoods determine how we see the world and ourselves in it. It was incredibly illuminating. 

I also appreciated the suggestions for reflection that help you determine why you are practicing consensual nonmonogamy, what you need from each partner vs what they provide and can provide, what each partner needs from you vs what you provide and can provide. I found it illuminating to read the chapters and reflect on the questions. It also informed me of what I wasn't getting in my attached relationship when my relationship was monogamous and how ridiculous it was of me to feel resentment towards my partner for not providing it — so I believe it will strengthen my already existing marriage as well, by helping me understand the nature of that relationship and what we share in it.

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Content Warnings

Minor: Emotional abuse, Toxic relationship, and Abandonment

reallivingthing's review against another edition

informative reflective medium-paced

5.0

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Mental illness and Abandonment

violetends's review against another edition

hopeful informative reflective slow-paced

4.75

Throughout the last years I've been slowly reading myself through the polyam books everyone is talking about. I am simultaneously glad and sad it took me so long to get to Polysecure. I could have needed this at the beginning of my exploration of polyam connections. But also it was so helpful reading it now and reflecting upon the experiences I have already made and how I shifted along the different types Fern describes here.

This is well-researched and based on years of personal experience as a therapist focused on non-monogamous individuals and relationships. Her perspective is empathetic while gently nudging the reader to glance at painful feelings, experiences and own behaviours. I appreciate this combination a lot and consider it much more helpful than other approaches I have sometimes read.

Polysecure is a good introduction to nonmonogamy but I also believe that more experienced people can take a lot from it, or those who are in connections with people who are less experienced. 

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Infidelity, Misogyny, Toxic relationship, and Abandonment

emfass's review against another edition

emotional hopeful informative inspiring reflective slow-paced

5.0

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Emotional abuse, Infidelity, and Toxic relationship

Minor: Child abuse and Abandonment

rtaire's review against another edition

challenging emotional informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

5.0

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Emotional abuse, Infidelity, and Toxic relationship

Minor: Child abuse and Abandonment