deearr's review
5.0
Conversations make up a significant portion of many of our days. Minor or major clashes can lead to issues at work and home, and may ultimately contribute to significant problems in our marriages, jobs, and friendships. Wishing for positive outcomes or for other people to be more reasonable seldom works.
“Difficult Conversations,” written by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, offers constructive tips on how to navigate through those encounters. The authors tell us that “…human interactions are complex. Trouble arises from the intersection of styles, behaviors, assumptions, and interests, not because one person is all good and the other all bad.” In a potentially volatile conversation, it is normal to hear what we think is being said without fully understanding the other person, which can lead to defensiveness and blame. At other times, we believe so strongly that what we are saying makes sense that we fail to recognize that what the other person is saying makes sense, too.
Authors Stone/Patton/Heen offer up new paradigms in easily understood explanations. Countless examples of different conversations are offered, some demonstrating how many of us instinctively react followed by demonstrations of how we can turn the discussion around. While ideas like reflective listening are included, the authors target the problems that prevent us from achieving positive interaction, explaining how things like emotions can get in the way and how to deal with them. Reducing blame, managing what is referred to as The Three Conversations, and other helpful tips like reframing are fully explained in such a manner that it seems easy to add these tools to our repertoire and begin using them right away.
The authors, however, recognize that these conversations are not always easy, and they also address those stumbling blocks with multiple examples. In the end, Stone/Patton/Heen can’t prepare us for every possibility to come alone, but if we perform the preparations outlined in the book, we can’t help but continue to improve and become more adept at using the ideas they have shared. If you would like to improve any of your work or personal relationships, this is a fantastic book. Five stars.
“Difficult Conversations,” written by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, offers constructive tips on how to navigate through those encounters. The authors tell us that “…human interactions are complex. Trouble arises from the intersection of styles, behaviors, assumptions, and interests, not because one person is all good and the other all bad.” In a potentially volatile conversation, it is normal to hear what we think is being said without fully understanding the other person, which can lead to defensiveness and blame. At other times, we believe so strongly that what we are saying makes sense that we fail to recognize that what the other person is saying makes sense, too.
Authors Stone/Patton/Heen offer up new paradigms in easily understood explanations. Countless examples of different conversations are offered, some demonstrating how many of us instinctively react followed by demonstrations of how we can turn the discussion around. While ideas like reflective listening are included, the authors target the problems that prevent us from achieving positive interaction, explaining how things like emotions can get in the way and how to deal with them. Reducing blame, managing what is referred to as The Three Conversations, and other helpful tips like reframing are fully explained in such a manner that it seems easy to add these tools to our repertoire and begin using them right away.
The authors, however, recognize that these conversations are not always easy, and they also address those stumbling blocks with multiple examples. In the end, Stone/Patton/Heen can’t prepare us for every possibility to come alone, but if we perform the preparations outlined in the book, we can’t help but continue to improve and become more adept at using the ideas they have shared. If you would like to improve any of your work or personal relationships, this is a fantastic book. Five stars.
bookadventurer's review
5.0
In my opinion, this is a must-read for everyone. I've learned so much already and have been flying through it, it's that easy to read.
A big-picture look at all kinds of difficult conversations, it shares a template for preparing for, reframing, thinking clearly about, and having difficult conversations. What's a difficult conversation? Any that you really don't want to have. One that makes you anxious or upset.
It won't give you a template for negotiating a raise, for example, but it gives you everything you need to frame that conversation.
Everything resonates, and how we behave is presented as how we ALL behave, which was kind of eye-opening for me. I'm not much worse than everyone else in how I feel and think about touchy subjects and difficult relationships...
It asks tough questions, but if you take the time to dig deep and find the answers, you'll be much more prepared for difficult conversations. And your relationships will benefit. Including your relationship with yourself.
Each Story: Perception, Feelings, Identity - is an important part about the conversation, but the one I feel might be most impactful is the Identity story. This section discusses how to balance yourself so things others might say don't rock your sense of who you are. I didn't even know this was a part of why I dread certain conversations, but it fits.
I haven't finished it yet. I already know I'm going to buy this book and keep it as a reference.
A big-picture look at all kinds of difficult conversations, it shares a template for preparing for, reframing, thinking clearly about, and having difficult conversations. What's a difficult conversation? Any that you really don't want to have. One that makes you anxious or upset.
It won't give you a template for negotiating a raise, for example, but it gives you everything you need to frame that conversation.
Everything resonates, and how we behave is presented as how we ALL behave, which was kind of eye-opening for me. I'm not much worse than everyone else in how I feel and think about touchy subjects and difficult relationships...
It asks tough questions, but if you take the time to dig deep and find the answers, you'll be much more prepared for difficult conversations. And your relationships will benefit. Including your relationship with yourself.
Each Story: Perception, Feelings, Identity - is an important part about the conversation, but the one I feel might be most impactful is the Identity story. This section discusses how to balance yourself so things others might say don't rock your sense of who you are. I didn't even know this was a part of why I dread certain conversations, but it fits.
I haven't finished it yet. I already know I'm going to buy this book and keep it as a reference.
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