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sassacass's review against another edition
1.0
I can definitely see why the author isn't married. And not because of what you may think, but because this entire book shows how scarcity mindset drives people to anxiety and irrationality. This reads like a book meant to scare people, because clearly the author is projecting all of her fears. I read this after reading "You Should Really Talk to Someone," her other book, and I'm so glad she made it into therapy. Writing about love and marriage like this simmers it down so much that it only focuses on perceived market value. Not personality, not genuine enjoyment of another person, but material and physical attributes. It was very white feminist. Overall, I think me and Gottlieb simply have very different values, which is why I can't agree with what she writes here.
pnkansah's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
3.0
I really liked this book and appreciated the walkthrough of how our expectations for the “perfect guy” can hinder our dating experiences and cause us to miss out on great men.
sunset8305's review against another edition
3.0
3.5 stars. Some of this sounded a bit outdated, which made sense when I realized this was written over a decade ago. However, I appreciated the research and data that went into this (sometimes funny, sometimes depressing) book. I really like the author’s writing style, but there were points I found her to be rather annoying… until I started to realize she sounded just like me. Pretty grim.
Why’d I pick this? I loved the author’s other book, “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone”
Why’d I pick this? I loved the author’s other book, “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone”
kellichupp's review against another edition
4.0
This book was like whiplash after reading Lori’s other book - Maybe You Should Talk To Someone. In the other book the reader is left hopeful that you can always change and “it’s not over til it’s over”. In this book she talks about dating after your 20s is bleak, you’re probably not very desirable, and could very likely end up alone and miserable. It was quite overwhelming. However I feel the book is still worth a listen. I do think it’s good to hear realistic love stories and to realize that we aren’t perfect either. To hear that maximizers need to focus on what is good about someone else instead of what they would change. To explain that marriage doesn’t have to be perfect to make a couple happy. Worth the listen. Just need to be prepared to listen with thick skin.
karrahp1's review against another edition
I read this one as a bookclub entry with my sister! It's both hilarious and practical. I found myself highlighting the names of behavioral economists and studies that elucidate how much the human brain can work against our own self interest. A few takeaways:
+ we must update our own mental models of who we are and be realistic about it! people in relationships with us make compromises all the time, and there is value in acknowledging that
+ the things that make for a fun date may not make for a dependable long term partner and co-parent
+ women are pickier than we've ever been before. get serious about what you NEED and what would be nice to have. My 3 things needed: communication, compromise, commitment
+ communication: a partner who wants to get better at communicating. when I have strong communication with another person, I feel understood and like I understand my partner. It's nice if we have the same sense of humor and want to communicate with the same frequency, but it's most important that our communication leads to relatively efficient understanding.
+ compromise: a partner who is willing to compromise and also expects me to compromise! I want someone who is willing to share their own interests and aspirations, as well as fears and boundaries. We will almost certainly find places where we don't overlap in needs, but both still have needs. Someone who can deftly compromise to find a path forward is a big green light for me!
+ commitment: someone who is looking for the long term. I'm 30 now, and dating has a place. I like meeting new people and learning things about myself, but I'm curious to have a long term partner and want someone who is looking for the same. And someone who knows we are going to have peaks and troughs, and who is committed to working together through both.
+ we must update our own mental models of who we are and be realistic about it! people in relationships with us make compromises all the time, and there is value in acknowledging that
+ the things that make for a fun date may not make for a dependable long term partner and co-parent
+ women are pickier than we've ever been before. get serious about what you NEED and what would be nice to have. My 3 things needed: communication, compromise, commitment
+ communication: a partner who wants to get better at communicating. when I have strong communication with another person, I feel understood and like I understand my partner. It's nice if we have the same sense of humor and want to communicate with the same frequency, but it's most important that our communication leads to relatively efficient understanding.
+ compromise: a partner who is willing to compromise and also expects me to compromise! I want someone who is willing to share their own interests and aspirations, as well as fears and boundaries. We will almost certainly find places where we don't overlap in needs, but both still have needs. Someone who can deftly compromise to find a path forward is a big green light for me!
+ commitment: someone who is looking for the long term. I'm 30 now, and dating has a place. I like meeting new people and learning things about myself, but I'm curious to have a long term partner and want someone who is looking for the same. And someone who knows we are going to have peaks and troughs, and who is committed to working together through both.
kateharsh's review against another edition
funny
informative
lighthearted
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
I found this interesting! I don’t know that I’m really the target audience having met my husband in my young 20s and getting married in my mid-20s… but I thought the insights on pickiness and online dating etc were interesting.
carriedoodledoo's review against another edition
4.0
2023 Reread:
Despite the title, this book is less about "settling", and more about learning to look for the truly important qualities in a man. Even more than that, this is a cautionary tale from a 40+ unmarried woman. In her words, it's a "graphic anti-drunk-driving public service announcement". Sadly, I think there is next to no chance of her target audience paying any attention.
OG review:
SOO GOOD! Gives us girls a shot in the arm of reality. Read it, it's not all about "settle in an 'eh' marriage"; it's about facing life and love without your vision being skewed by statistically impossible standards. A few f-bombs (maybe three) in one chapter. Other than that, superb!
Despite the title, this book is less about "settling", and more about learning to look for the truly important qualities in a man. Even more than that, this is a cautionary tale from a 40+ unmarried woman. In her words, it's a "graphic anti-drunk-driving public service announcement". Sadly, I think there is next to no chance of her target audience paying any attention.
OG review:
SOO GOOD! Gives us girls a shot in the arm of reality. Read it, it's not all about "settle in an 'eh' marriage"; it's about facing life and love without your vision being skewed by statistically impossible standards. A few f-bombs (maybe three) in one chapter. Other than that, superb!