enbyfinley's review against another edition
adventurous
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.25
cephaloverlord's review against another edition
3.0
I thoroughly enjoyed this book, but listening to the audiobook was difficult because there wasn't a good differentiation between the author's stories and her interviewer's stories. I also did appreciate that the author starts out with the warnings that this isn't a scientific book. It's nice having a book of stories about individuals in a variety of different relationships. This got me outside of my comfort zone without barraging me with dry facts, which allowed me to more fully understand these different perspectives.
charliethebookaddict's review against another edition
3.0
A criticism I have is her explanation of her biological sex.
Unless she has had full genome sequencing (highly unlikely) she has no idea what chromosomes she has. Biological sex isn't as simple as she tried to make it, and intersex people can show no physical signs and only have intersex chromosomes and never know until they needed full genome sequencing. I feel like research like that is basic respect if you're going to mention a topic you clearly don't know about.
But apart from that I really enjoyed it, and I felt it gave a really good varied view of relationships, sexuality, communication in relationships, breaking up and moving on.
Unless she has had full genome sequencing (highly unlikely) she has no idea what chromosomes she has. Biological sex isn't as simple as she tried to make it, and intersex people can show no physical signs and only have intersex chromosomes and never know until they needed full genome sequencing. I feel like research like that is basic respect if you're going to mention a topic you clearly don't know about.
But apart from that I really enjoyed it, and I felt it gave a really good varied view of relationships, sexuality, communication in relationships, breaking up and moving on.
thelauramay's review against another edition
4.0
I really enjoyed this exploration of relationships and what they *could* be. Through a series of essays it explores different ways of being with others, giving insight into what people want, why it works for them, and how they developed the relationship/s that fulfill them.
hooliaquoolia's review against another edition
4.0
Good insights into how to make your relationships work towards what you want instead of working to make them (and yourself) fit into a nice little box so your mother, her friends, et al, can finally feel comfortable with your life choices.
thepolybrary's review against another edition
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
4.0
Sex from Scratch is less a how-to relationship book and more a “this is how WE do it” book, a set of anecdotes or case studies that the author compiled to give the reader a much broader look at how relationships function than society usually affords us. (If you’re looking for more of a detailed how-to book, take a look at Polysecure, by Jessica Fern.) This is a fascinating look into non-traditional relationship dynamics and approaches that have worked (or haven’t) for the people involved in them, and it is incredibly refreshing to hear stories about and from other people for whom the traditional monogamous, one-and-only-one mentality simply didn’t work – and to feel acceptance and even joy in that, not shame! Not every story is going to resonate with every person. At least one dynamic that was given as one that could be applied, that of a relationship where one or more partner holds a “veto power” over another, is one I personally feel to be completely unethical regardless of whether all the people involved are fully informed and consenting – but that choice of course belongs to the people involved. The sheer variety and combination of ideas and situations makes this book worth reading, though as the author notes in a foreward, her sample size was small and heavily skewed towards a white, Gen-X or millennial population. The overall takeaway is that regardless of the relationship dynamic details, 100% honesty and a TON of communication is required – no assumptions.
I started by listening to the audio of this and at not quite halfway transitioned to a hard copy because I wanted to be able to take some notes and highlight things.
arieltf's review against another edition
3.0
This book was okay, I think it just wasn't for me. Sarah Mirk tried to sprinkle in some inclusion and diversity with one-liners that included "and in same-sex relationships," but I think women who date men are much more likely to benefit from her relationship advice. It was a lot of common sense advice on many standard relationship dynamics with one or two nuggets of wisdom thrown in.
Mirk did have a chapter about open relationships and polyamory, but she chose the most harmful, toxic examples to display as the groundwork for her advice. I wanted to tell the man whose wife and mother of his child cheated on him and then pressured him into an open relationship that no one was forcing him to stay in that situation. Unfortunately, stories like that aren't uncommon, but it is irresponsible and misleading to hold them up as the paramount representation of open relationships in a book that claims to glean "real-life knowledge from smart people in a variety of nontraditional relationships."
Mirk did have a chapter about open relationships and polyamory, but she chose the most harmful, toxic examples to display as the groundwork for her advice. I wanted to tell the man whose wife and mother of his child cheated on him and then pressured him into an open relationship that no one was forcing him to stay in that situation. Unfortunately, stories like that aren't uncommon, but it is irresponsible and misleading to hold them up as the paramount representation of open relationships in a book that claims to glean "real-life knowledge from smart people in a variety of nontraditional relationships."
jonobate's review against another edition
2.0
I really wanted to like this book, but I found a lot of the suggestions on how to approach non-monogamy in particular to be unhelpful, even toxic. For example we know by now that veto power does more harm than good, and yet it’s described here positively as a way to protect a couple’s relationship - at the expense, of course, of everyone else they’re involved with.
Instead of a book of brief overviews of topics that the author has interest in but takes no firm position on, I’d recommend that you pick up more focused books written by people who have delved deeply into the topic in question and are better placed to say what works and what doesn’t.
Instead of a book of brief overviews of topics that the author has interest in but takes no firm position on, I’d recommend that you pick up more focused books written by people who have delved deeply into the topic in question and are better placed to say what works and what doesn’t.