srharris's review
4.0
This is a quick and freaking intense book.
There were times that I had to remind myself that the two main characters were teenage boys. I mean holy shit, the level of toxic that their relationship was made you forget that when Seth and Hiroku first started they were 15 and 17 years old.
This book was raw and gritty and dark.
I don't know what it says about me, but I wanted a different ending, because toxic or not, I truly believe that these two boys were in love.
I would have been happier if book two was about Seth's road to recovery and redemption and tried to get Hiroku back.
There were times that I had to remind myself that the two main characters were teenage boys. I mean holy shit, the level of toxic that their relationship was made you forget that when Seth and Hiroku first started they were 15 and 17 years old.
This book was raw and gritty and dark.
I don't know what it says about me, but I wanted a different ending, because toxic or not, I truly believe that these two boys were in love.
I would have been happier if book two was about Seth's road to recovery and redemption and tried to get Hiroku back.
kiki124's review
3.0
Whelp, that'll leave a scar.
Achingly sad: bad boys and
worse choices. Loved it.
Achingly sad: bad boys and
worse choices. Loved it.
shile87's review
5.0
Buddy reread with Ele, Jan and Moony. Dec 2019.
Still one of the best book i have ever had the pleasure of reading. Hits harder the second time.
*********************************************
Infinity Stars for Hiroku.
This is one of those stories that will stay with me for life.
This is the story of Hiroku, told in his POV, taking the Now/Then format and how his first love went to shit. I can’t bring myself to write a proper review. I will try writing something though. Or just quote the damn book!
The first time I saw Seth Barrett, he was leaning against a chain-link fence with his fingers hooked on the metal, arms spread wide, and I remember thinking he reminded me of a tiger or some other large predator. Caged, for the time being.
I noticed him almost immediately though I pretended not to.
Like Hiroku, I noticed Seth too. I become addicted to him.
The characterization in this book is flawless. Miss, Laura created two of the best YA characters I have read to date. The growth, changes, mistakes that Hiroku and Seth go through felt so real; to a point you can’t help but see yourself through them.
“My name’s Seth Barrett.”
“What’s your name?” he asked me with a cocky tilt to his head.
“Hiroku Hayashi.” I was breathless when I said it. It wasn’t from exertion.
“Hiroku Hayashi.” He sculpted my name with a special attention to every syllable, a loving caress of tongue and lips around its shape. I’d never heard anyone say my name so beautifully before. “What a pretty name.” Seth smiled
The writing is flawless, I was hooked from the first chapter. I am becoming used to the present and past narration style, well, at least the ones well written. Both the main and the secondary characters are very well written. I loved that, i did not find any of the moments in this book OTT, there was no exaggeration here, just pure, realistic writing.
Hiroku and Seth, meet at a basketball court, Hiroku is a sophomore, Seth is a senior and a musician trying to form a band. From the moment they meet they both become infatuated with each other. Then we are taken through a painful journey of manipulation, obsession, drug addiction and teenage stupid love affair. It is fascinated and painful to read. Seth’s obsession with Hiroku was so engaging to read, I hated him and loved him at the same time. He helped Hiroku come out of his shell and at the same time, molded him into a perfect puppet that he saw fit to play with.
I identified with Hiroku so much, I felt his pain, his stupid infatuation/teenage love for Seth, his need to fit in and be accepted. He is also a masochist. He kept putting up with Seth’s abuse, I wanted to shake him and tell him to open his eyes and leave, then again I understood him. Seth’s force and control was too much. I loved how the author wrote these two characters, they were not perfect, and they fed off their toxic relationship.
Perhaps I should just write Seth off as an asshole and our relationship as an utter disaster, but I’m afraid that if I don’t deconstruct it down to its individual components, I won’t be able to resist him in the future. I don’t want to fall into that same pattern of behavior because it’s not the drugs I fear most outside the walls of New Vistas.
It’s the temptation of Seth
This story is not a romance story, it is a love story of two teenagers who become addicted to each other to a point it becomes toxic. I do believe Seth and Hiroku loved each other, it just became too much.
“I love you more than anything else in this world,” Seth whispered with tears in his eyes, but I was a helium balloon, and he was so far away and getting smaller and more irrelevant by the second.
There was no room in my mind for Seth or anything else. All of that space was taken up by this all-encompassing and otherworldly pleasure.
“Hallelujah,” I uttered as my soul escaped my body.
It was better than falling in love.
This is my second YA book written by Laura, and I have officially become a STAN. This woman knows how to write YA shit!
A big Thank you to the Mischievous ElfMinx for this gift.
Still one of the best book i have ever had the pleasure of reading. Hits harder the second time.
*********************************************
Infinity Stars for Hiroku.
This is one of those stories that will stay with me for life.
This is the story of Hiroku, told in his POV, taking the Now/Then format and how his first love went to shit. I can’t bring myself to write a proper review. I will try writing something though. Or just quote the damn book!
The first time I saw Seth Barrett, he was leaning against a chain-link fence with his fingers hooked on the metal, arms spread wide, and I remember thinking he reminded me of a tiger or some other large predator. Caged, for the time being.
I noticed him almost immediately though I pretended not to.
Like Hiroku, I noticed Seth too. I become addicted to him.
The characterization in this book is flawless. Miss, Laura created two of the best YA characters I have read to date. The growth, changes, mistakes that Hiroku and Seth go through felt so real; to a point you can’t help but see yourself through them.
“My name’s Seth Barrett.”
“What’s your name?” he asked me with a cocky tilt to his head.
“Hiroku Hayashi.” I was breathless when I said it. It wasn’t from exertion.
“Hiroku Hayashi.” He sculpted my name with a special attention to every syllable, a loving caress of tongue and lips around its shape. I’d never heard anyone say my name so beautifully before. “What a pretty name.” Seth smiled
The writing is flawless, I was hooked from the first chapter. I am becoming used to the present and past narration style, well, at least the ones well written. Both the main and the secondary characters are very well written. I loved that, i did not find any of the moments in this book OTT, there was no exaggeration here, just pure, realistic writing.
Hiroku and Seth, meet at a basketball court, Hiroku is a sophomore, Seth is a senior and a musician trying to form a band. From the moment they meet they both become infatuated with each other. Then we are taken through a painful journey of manipulation, obsession, drug addiction and teenage stupid love affair. It is fascinated and painful to read. Seth’s obsession with Hiroku was so engaging to read, I hated him and loved him at the same time. He helped Hiroku come out of his shell and at the same time, molded him into a perfect puppet that he saw fit to play with.
I identified with Hiroku so much, I felt his pain, his stupid infatuation/teenage love for Seth, his need to fit in and be accepted. He is also a masochist. He kept putting up with Seth’s abuse, I wanted to shake him and tell him to open his eyes and leave, then again I understood him. Seth’s force and control was too much. I loved how the author wrote these two characters, they were not perfect, and they fed off their toxic relationship.
Perhaps I should just write Seth off as an asshole and our relationship as an utter disaster, but I’m afraid that if I don’t deconstruct it down to its individual components, I won’t be able to resist him in the future. I don’t want to fall into that same pattern of behavior because it’s not the drugs I fear most outside the walls of New Vistas.
It’s the temptation of Seth
This story is not a romance story, it is a love story of two teenagers who become addicted to each other to a point it becomes toxic. I do believe Seth and Hiroku loved each other, it just became too much.
“I love you more than anything else in this world,” Seth whispered with tears in his eyes, but I was a helium balloon, and he was so far away and getting smaller and more irrelevant by the second.
There was no room in my mind for Seth or anything else. All of that space was taken up by this all-encompassing and otherworldly pleasure.
“Hallelujah,” I uttered as my soul escaped my body.
It was better than falling in love.
This is my second YA book written by Laura, and I have officially become a STAN. This woman knows how to write YA shit!
A big Thank you to the Mischievous ElfMinx for this gift.
morgan96's review
5.0
Wow. I don't even know what to say it was such an intense read. It clearly won't be for everyone since it could be very triggering for some people. It made me feel uneasy for a good part of the book because it all feel so raw just like if I was in Hiroku's shoes.
I think the Then/Now format also made this book more powerful because while you see hime falling down you also see him getting better and it gives you a lot more insight with him looking back on what happened, what was done to him and what he did. It gave more depth to Seth's character instead of him just being the bad guy.
I think the Then/Now format also made this book more powerful because while you see hime falling down you also see him getting better and it gives you a lot more insight with him looking back on what happened, what was done to him and what he did. It gave more depth to Seth's character instead of him just being the bad guy.
gabi90's review
5.0
I haven't read any reviews beforehand, just caught some bits and pieces here and there. And my impression was that Seth was the bad guy who corrupted Hiroku. And that might be true. But perhaps I misjudged the situation a bit. Is he the only one at fault? Who was manipulating who exactly? And when exactly did their relationship started going downhill? Questions like these swarmed my head while I was reading, along with 'why, why, why?'
Half of this book is mostly high school drama. Boy meets boy, they fall in love, there's some conflict... etc.
But even then I was looking for clues, trying to determine if Seth really manipulated Hiroku from the beginning. And maybe he did, but unconsciously, until he must've realized he could actually do that, because it worked. Hiroku loved him that much, that he was blind to it. As they spent even more time together, little bits in Seth's behavior started jumping out at me, but the real game started when Hiroku And it wasn't just Seth who tried to get what he wanted anymore, but Hiroku too. His priorities shifted. I think at that point he wasn't even in love with Seth anymore. Not like Before. Seth's betrayal destroyed the trust Hiroku had in him. And once their promises were broken, that trust could not be regained.
But there was an unexpected development, and Seth's behavior might've made more sense. It doesn't justify his actions, but made it harder to actually hate him. (That is, until I reached the end. Coward!) I only read one book where the MC had. I haven't looked it up, but what I gathered from that one book is basically that they experience the highest highs and the lowest lows to the point where it gets life-threateningly dangerous. And since Seth didn't take medication, at least not prescribed meds, I wonder how much of his behavior could be blamed on his condition, cause he showed some manic behaviour.
Also I'm so frustrated. The MC's are still teenagers, and I just can't believe something like this could happen at their age. But just because they're young doesn't mean they're not capable of cruelty, abuse or manipulation, they just need the right (or wrong) motivation for it. And this isn't even the first book where I encountered such things, but it baffles me.
There are 2 timelines: 'Then' and 'Now', so in the beginning we already know the end result, but that just makes it more interesting. Knowing what happened but not knowing how they got there. It's weird because I have some experience with this scenario, and didn’t like it, but the chapters where Hiroku talks about his current situation were very short and didn't tell us much fact, mostly just his feelings.
It kind of felt like I was reading Hiroku's memoir, like he was trying to tell me, to make me understand how he got to this point.
The ending was pretty intense. And now I'm on to The Bravest Thing, though I'm not sure how much this boy can take.
“Who was right and who was wrong? It’d be so easy to make Seth the villain and me the victim, and place all the blame on his shoulders, but I’m not innocent. I knew what I was doing. I was mean too. And spiteful. Sometimes, I baited him. I definitely punished him."
Half of this book is mostly high school drama. Boy meets boy, they fall in love, there's some conflict... etc.
“This is the beginning of something remarkable.”
But even then I was looking for clues, trying to determine if Seth really manipulated Hiroku from the beginning. And maybe he did, but unconsciously, until he must've realized he could actually do that, because it worked. Hiroku loved him that much, that he was blind to it. As they spent even more time together, little bits in Seth's behavior started jumping out at me, but the real game started when Hiroku
Spoiler
started using too. And by the way, I'm not sure how accurate was it, when after just one time, Hiroku started craving the drugs. I don't have any experience with substance abuse, but to me his addiction developed too fast, considering he only used painkillers that first time, and not actual drugs.“Had I not given him everything he wanted? Was I not desirable, clever, available…enough for him? That was the only conclusion I could draw. All roads pointed to me not being enough.”
But there was an unexpected development, and Seth's behavior might've made more sense. It doesn't justify his actions, but made it harder to actually hate him. (That is, until I reached the end. Coward!) I only read one book where the MC had
Spoiler
bipolar disorder“What more do you want from me, Seth?”
“I want to put you in a cage, and only let you out to be with me.”
His pretty, little bird in a gilded cage. He may not have said it so plainly before, but it was something I’d always sensed: his obsessive demand for total dominion of my mind, body, and spirit.”
“It will never be over between us, Hiroku. Our souls are forever bound. When I call for you, you come to me. I made you—every single piece of you belongs to me—and however hard you try, you will never be rid of me.”
Also I'm so frustrated. The MC's are still teenagers, and I just can't believe something like this could happen at their age. But just because they're young doesn't mean they're not capable of cruelty, abuse or manipulation, they just need the right (or wrong) motivation for it. And this isn't even the first book where I encountered such things, but it baffles me.
There are 2 timelines: 'Then' and 'Now', so in the beginning we already know the end result, but that just makes it more interesting. Knowing what happened but not knowing how they got there. It's weird because I have some experience with this scenario, and didn’t like it, but the chapters where Hiroku talks about his current situation were very short and didn't tell us much fact, mostly just his feelings.
It kind of felt like I was reading Hiroku's memoir, like he was trying to tell me, to make me understand how he got to this point.
“The things we once gave freely to each other became the things we withheld until it was just a ledger of what was owed.”
The ending was pretty intense. And now I'm on to The Bravest Thing, though I'm not sure how much this boy can take.
xiaxia's review
5.0
Wow! I couldn't put this book down. The abusive, dysfunctional relationship between Hiroku and Seth was like a siren's call at midnight. When I was not reading, I was thinking about Seth and Hiroku. Before sleep and after sleep, I was thinking about Seth and Hiroku. I completely became obsessed with their story.
Seth was the type of character I enjoy reading about, the yandere of Japanese manga culture, so obsessive with the object of his love that he would rather destroy his lover, than bear the thought of losing him. And Hiroku, so young and loving and ensnared in the clutches of a fallen angel, mistaking hell for paradise, broke my heart.
"The first time I saw Seth Barrett, he was leaning against a chain-link fence with his fingers hooked on the metal, arms spread wide, and I remember thinking he reminded me of a tiger or some other large predator. Caged, for the time being."
He was not a tiger, Hiroku, but a giant boa constrictor.
They fell in love, and Seth, who had a fear of abandonment, became ferociously possessive and obsessive with Hiroku. And Hiroku, who was only 15 gave him everything he had.
With each word, with each action, Seth looped his giant serpent tail around his lover, feeding his obsession with every portion of Hiroku's soul.
Seth hugged me tightly with one arm and grabbed the side of my head with his hand to draw me in closer. He whispered in my ear almost desperately, “I love you so much, Hiroku.”
When Hiroku tried to leave, Seth clung to him tighter.
“I love you, Hiroku,” Seth said in a choked voice. [...] All I ever see in my mind is you. I love you. You are the only person I want to be with, now and forever. You are so much more than a boyfriend to me, and I understand if you don’t want to be with me right now, but if I can’t have you in my life, even a little bit, then I just want to die.”
And when he felt him slipping through his fingers. he gave him drugs to take his free will away from him.
“I love you more than anything else in this world,” Seth whispered with tears in his eyes, but I was a helium balloon, and he was so far away and getting smaller and more irrelevant by the second.
This is not a romance, but the struggle of one boy to escape from a love so consuming it nearly killed him.
Laura Lascarso is one of my favorite YA writers and I think she improved her game with this book.
Don't skip [b:The Bravest Thing|34515023|The Bravest Thing|Laura Lascarso|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1489014291s/34515023.jpg|55643895]. Hiroku's story continues, where he meets Berlin, the opposite of Seth who tries to bring him back to the light. But Seth's shadow is always there, clinging to him. For me it worked really well reading Hiroku first, then [b:The Bravest Thing|34515023|The Bravest Thing|Laura Lascarso|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1489014291s/34515023.jpg|55643895]
Fully recommend this book.
Free exchange for an honest review under the DBML Program
gabrielab's review
dark
emotional
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
expendablemudge's review
3.0
Real Rating: 3.25* of five
Read the sample, was just not able to get past the vocabulary...even smart kids don't usually speak in this kind of formal English...and the whole [b:Spring's Awakening|7585|Spring's Awakening|Frank Wedekind|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1388277290s/7585.jpg|1221933] vibe puts me off my feed. I'm from Austin, and the made-up subdivision and high school didn't sit well with me, though I know the choice is a practical one.
It's definitely me, don't let my unenthusiastic response put you off sampling it at the very least.
Read the sample, was just not able to get past the vocabulary...even smart kids don't usually speak in this kind of formal English...and the whole [b:Spring's Awakening|7585|Spring's Awakening|Frank Wedekind|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1388277290s/7585.jpg|1221933] vibe puts me off my feed. I'm from Austin, and the made-up subdivision and high school didn't sit well with me, though I know the choice is a practical one.
It's definitely me, don't let my unenthusiastic response put you off sampling it at the very least.
samnreader's review
3.0
Ok, well,oof.
You tell me, who was the monster now?
So something I figured out AFTER reading this is that it's more of character / motivation study. It's truly a prequel. If you are one of the 20 people who read NAN by Elizabeth Kingston, you know what I mean.
This was better done that. After binging and ultimately finishing this book, with way too many flinches from my own heart, I held my breath to crack the next one open. I knew that I would not be able to read a continuation of the prior story in a sense.
I was relieved to find my fears did not come true, but ultimately, am going to judge this book on its own merit (I'm 2 pages into THE BRAVEST THING). It's introspective, with a first person POV and then/now timelines. I felt no investment in the relationship in this book, but I did in the protagonist.
It's a deep dive into (CW/TW)codependency, addiction, emotional abuse/physical abuse, first love, toxic relationships, self-harm, and foundational teen relationships.
It's intense and consuming, and isn't probably strictly necessary to read from what I can tell but may change my mind. I know had I not read this first, I'd likely never come back to it.
Anyway, because of the straight introspection and almost confessional style, while it was engaging and intense, I didn't find it particularly artfully done *ducks* the writing often feels spoon-fed to the reader. I'm not sorry I read it, but I am not particularly glad either. But if you follow my reviews with books with this type content, it's likely very easy to see why.
You tell me, who was the monster now?
So something I figured out AFTER reading this is that it's more of character / motivation study. It's truly a prequel. If you are one of the 20 people who read NAN by Elizabeth Kingston, you know what I mean.
This was better done that. After binging and ultimately finishing this book, with way too many flinches from my own heart, I held my breath to crack the next one open. I knew that I would not be able to read a continuation of the prior story in a sense.
Spoiler
abusers don't get happy endings and toxic relationships are best left shelvedI was relieved to find my fears did not come true, but ultimately, am going to judge this book on its own merit (I'm 2 pages into THE BRAVEST THING). It's introspective, with a first person POV and then/now timelines. I felt no investment in the relationship in this book, but I did in the protagonist.
It's a deep dive into (CW/TW)codependency, addiction, emotional abuse/physical abuse, first love, toxic relationships, self-harm, and foundational teen relationships.
It's intense and consuming, and isn't probably strictly necessary to read from what I can tell but may change my mind. I know had I not read this first, I'd likely never come back to it.
Anyway, because of the straight introspection and almost confessional style, while it was engaging and intense, I didn't find it particularly artfully done *ducks* the writing often feels spoon-fed to the reader. I'm not sorry I read it, but I am not particularly glad either. But if you follow my reviews with books with this type content, it's likely very easy to see why.
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