Reviews with content warning for Bullying - My Dark Vanessa

Reviews tagging 'Bullying'

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

101 reviews

rchulin1's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional sad fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

Such an amazing book very dark not for the faint of heart. So many triggers be mindful of them before reading but nonetheless my favorite book as of now.

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zapzap9000's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.25

Content Warnings

behindherpages's review against another edition

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dark emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

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nina_mk's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.75

Content Warnings

hiraeth_'s review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional sad tense slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

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lay_kone's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional reflective sad slow-paced

4.75

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nineinchnails's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

i feel weird reviewing and even rating this book considering the subject matter because even though it's technically fiction it feels horribly invasive, like reading someone's diary. it is very well written with beautiful prose and a protagonist who is extremely real and raw. the book did run a little long, especially considering there was little character development outside of vanessa but overall it was an extremely gripping read.

i would not recommend reading this as a survivor of rape and especially of child sexual abuse, more because of how adamant vanessa is that she was not abused than how graphic the abuse is written. it can be very hard to stomach her constant romanticisation and denial of strane's abuse, despite how obvious it us to us as readers that he manipulated her. 'manipulate' does not feel like anywhere near as strong of a word to portray how he controlled and exploited her.

vanessa is not a 'perfect victim' and she struggles with this well into adulthood; the idea that a woman must be perfectly chaste, perfectly humble, perfectly innocent, and perfectly untouched by the world to be believed or taken seriously as a victim is one that permeates our society to this day. what was she wearing?, she lead him on, she was asking for it, she wanted it. this novel does an incredible job at giving a voice to the many survivors who (unsurprisingly) don't fit that mould and showing a different perspective.

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jalyhn's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional reflective sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? N/A
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.5

Very mixed feelings, but this was an excellent book to annotate and have conversations/debates with people.

Content Warnings

smolone13's review against another edition

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dark emotional sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? No
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

Ratings:

Goodreads: 4/5

Storygraph: 4/5

My Rating: 4.5/5

Synopsis

Vanessa is an adult who remembers her relationship with her teacher when she was a young girl around 15 years old after multiple women accuse said teacher, Mr. Strane, of molesting them as young girls.

My Review

The synopsis explains the book entirely. Vanessa is mentally ill and stuck in the past of her “loving” relationship with her teacher, Strane. Vanessa also can’t stop reading and looking into other women’s experiences with Strane and even victim blaming. She can’t see herself as a victim.

This book was quite hard to read. It is a serious book but I am glad that I read it. By the end, it was like Vanessa was starting to understand what had occurred to her. I am going to actually answer the questions from the end of the book within my review.

When first meeting Strane I immediately thought he was just your average English teacher in his 30s. IT wasn’t until Vanessa started to talk to him more that he started to show his true intentions. As a teenager, I would have found him creepy but Vanessa believed that she was special to Stran. That she actually meant something and that boys her age wouldn’t meet the same “maturity” as Strane. Personally, Strane immediately hovering over her and convincing her they had a “normal adult relationship” made me find him disgusting throughout the entire book, and for me, he just kept getting more disturbing as the book progressed.

Vanessa is extremely isolated at Browick and keeps herself isolated in the second year of school. Even though one of her old friends consistently tries to talk to her, she is ignored. It makes her an easy target for Strane since she has no one in her circle. She lives in the dorm alone and doesn’t talk to anyone but Strane and her parents on occasion. However, her parents seem disconnected from her. Her father doesn’t talk much throughout the book and when he does appear it is on the small occasion so it is safe to assume he is never around or connecting with Vanessa. Her mother tries but Vanessa keeps herself isolated by passing it off that her mother just doesn’t understand her. Those are contributing factors for Strane to weasel himself into Vanessa’s life. He can easily influence her and manipulate her because she keeps herself isolated.

I don’t believe Vanessa truly wanted what was happening to occur to her. During the chapter, where Strane takes her to his home for the first time, she becomes disconnected and doesn’t pay too much attention except to Strane’s body and the pain he gives her through their “sexual intercourse”. After a moment she didn’t want to continue but convinced herself it was fine. Even if she was 18, the age difference would still make me feel awful along with the fact she began to disassociate because she didn’t want to be experiencing it. I also think she convinced herself, because of Strane, to believe that she was enjoying it because she “orgasmed”, however, the body can still react and in cases of rape will try to teeter from the experience by making itself comfortable to alleviate pain.

From safechild.org we, as a collective, can understand grooming a bit more. Grooming “begins with identifying potential victims, gaining their trust, and breaking down their defenses,” (safechild.org). While growing up I witnessed my classmates get groomed. Further reading on safechild.org showcases more on the stages of grooming. It all starts with the offender identifying their victims and gaining their trust. Strane immediately identified Vanessa as his victim after witnessing her isolation. He proceeded to compliment her writing, got closer to her, and began complimenting her appearance. He began lending her books that were in close relation to her until he finally gave her Lolita. He began playing the role of someone who sees her for who she truly "is". Strane began to “listen” to her when she would tell him about her ex-friendship of her complaints about her mother. For Strane, it became easy to isolate her. Strane convinced Vanessa to form a relationship with him by pretending he couldn’t continue a relationship with her and that she held all of the power of their relationship. Strane had her convinced to have a secret relationship. While within his office he was able to start a sexual relationship. The relationship proceeded to get worse when she was able to slip off campus to be raped by Strane. Afterward, it was easy for Strane to control her and the relationship. Strane convinced her that they needed each other and that no one would believe her and if they did she would get into trouble as well.

Strane convinced Vanessa that she was special and the only one that he was pursuing. However, I don’t believe Vanessa was the first of his victims. He was able to talk to Vanessa, plan an entire setup, and establish close relationships with other staff members. He knew to talk to Vanessa after witnessing her isolation around campus. H had a close relationship with the staff and younger teachers as well. He left a trail of convincing staff that Vanessa had a crush on him and was concerned her behavior would become inappropriate.

Strane believes that they share the same mind and that they’re both mentally ill together. He brings up her writing, how he enjoys that she likes the same books, and how he believes she’s more mature than the other girls her age.

Strane recognizes how old she is and proceeds to have a relationship with her. His moral conflict means nothing but drags her further into an isolated relationship with him. Strane tries to convince her to have a life without him but it’s to further trap Vanessa with him. I think he knows how dangerous it is and understands that he can go to her. Strane completely understands he is wrong and proceeds with Vanessa and after he preys on other younger girls around the same age.

I think Jenny was a caring friend. All Vanessa and Jnny needed was a balance between relationships. However, I also think Jenny was changing and Vanessa was still stuck in the past. But I also understand Vanessa wanted alone time with her friend. I do think that if Jenny didn’t start dating, things would have been different. I think Vanessa having someone in her circle her age would have helped her notice that Strane’s behavior wasn’t normal. Or maybe Jenny would have noticed and got Strane in trouble.

I think the only thing that changed with Vanessa was her depression getting worse. Otherwise, Vanessa has stayed the same. She is isolated in her adult years as she was as a teenager. Vanessa follows the same routine and even her room is still a mess. However, she continues to find validation from Strane, even after the fact he doesn’t have a sexual attraction to her because she’s no longer underaged. Even with her finding other relationships, she doesn’t see her relationship with Strane as abusive. She believes their relationship was a romance.

Vanessa heavily believes that she wanted the relationship and she gives “consent”. Taylor on the other hand felt uncomfortable with Strane and in her adult years brought his actions out along with other women who were touched as girls. Most people who are touched in that way find it embarrassing or see themselves differently. Sometimes someone finding some bravery and saying something, or creating a movement, inspires others to say something. I also believe that it is cultural and we don’t hold men like that accountable. It is always considered in America that “boys being boys” or “men are just gross” without holding accountability. I also believe it could be a parental issue. My parents, personally, never told m about a healthy relationship or what rape was considered, or what an abusive relationship could look like and I ended up being trapped and suffocated from 13 to 18 until I learned in psychology I was in an unhealthy relationship.

I thought Vanessa was a conflicted narrator because of her grasp on a fake reality of having a “healthy” relationship with Strane. If there was a different narrator I think as readers we would notice more of Strane’s gross behavior and how Vanessa was being manipulated up into her adult years.

Being in the year 2024, I have noticed more women being open about abuse, living through their toxic relationships, and more women not getting into relationships and even deciding on not having children. I have also noticed more exposure to social media. I’ve noticed more awareness of groomers, rape, and toxic relationships. If Vanessa was a teenager in 2024 I know that Strane’s behavior would have immediately been called out. With cameras being a big thing the relationship would have been noticed immediately.

I believe Vanessa’s mother suspected something was up because of Vanessa’s behavior and Vanessa slipping a few times but I don’t think her mother truly knew what was going on even after the school got involved. I think her mother could have done more. I understand her concerns though. However, as someone who is becoming a mother to a young girl, I would have been outraged. The school accused Vanessa of lying and that Strane was innocent. After seeing the photo of the two of them I would have taken that picture and stormed to the principal. I would have law enforcement at that school immediately and would have gotten lawyers.

I strongly believe Strane thinks that connecting Vanessa to Vladimir Nabokov’s works made him more obsessed with Vanessa and the same goes for her. Vanessa becomes obsessed with Lolita cause she sees it as a love story. Strane finds it weird because he doesn’t see her as a child but Vanessa sees herself as Lolita. I think it began to put a strain on their relationship because they began holding expectations for each other.

I think because of Strane, Vanessa truly thought she was more mature like an adult, and could consent to things the other girls couldn’t. I do think many have a thought on how a girl should dress, and act, and all those factors play into whether someone is a victim. However, I think anyone can be a victim, no matter the little things. However, for Vanessa, she was convinced it was okay.

As I have said before, social media has allowed more exposure and even put a spotlight on behavior that many just ignore or deem normal. Many who witness these types of exposure end up sharing their own experiences. I have also seen a sense of community and empathy. However, I have also seen toxic responses and victim blaming. However, having an open platform brings more awareness to issues like grooming and rape.

I heavily believe Vanessa is a victim. It does take a while some time to recognize that you were in an awful situation. I did notice at the end after Strane killed himself that she was finally starting to piece together what her relationship was. I truly feel for Vanessa. I still don’t believe a person under 18 can give consent and even considering the age gap a relationship can be iffy as well.

Content Warnings

elizabethbilawey's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

Content Warnings

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