heyitskai's review against another edition
5.0
"if people drive you to something, then its their responsibility"
im glad this was the first book about transgender people ive read (because it sure wont be the last). it was heart wrenchingly painful but beautiful at the same time. i love how amanda could finally be herself after so much time of hiding and hurting and pretending. but i wish she had the chance to come out as trans on her own terms. i wish people in the book (and in life) would embrace people who are 'different' (roll with it please, i cant think of a better word). but nonetheless i quite like the outcome, how amanda could finally live without that huge secret at the back of her mind. honestly, this book will stay with me for some time because of the rawness and realness.
im glad this was the first book about transgender people ive read (because it sure wont be the last). it was heart wrenchingly painful but beautiful at the same time. i love how amanda could finally be herself after so much time of hiding and hurting and pretending. but i wish she had the chance to come out as trans on her own terms. i wish people in the book (and in life) would embrace people who are 'different' (roll with it please, i cant think of a better word). but nonetheless i quite like the outcome, how amanda could finally live without that huge secret at the back of her mind. honestly, this book will stay with me for some time because of the rawness and realness.
mehsi's review against another edition
5.0
Amanda’s been keeping a secret... It’s that she used to be Andrew.
This was just an absolutely wonderful book. I first borrowed it from the library, but had to bring it back (can only have 2 books at that one library). So I bought it, waiting for it to arrive, and then waiting for the right mood to arrive as well.
I just flew through this book, I devoured the book, I wanted to know more about Amanda. About her life, about her previous life, but also about her life at her dad's place. I wanted to see her get happy, she so deserved that. She deserved friends who loved and cared about her. She deserved a sweet guy.
The book switches between the now, and the then. While I loved that this was done, it gave more insight in Amanda and who she was before she truly became Amanda (her struggle (and also her suicide attempt), her path to becoming a real woman) I wish it was done a bit more chronologically. Instead of jumping around in the past (from a few months to a few years), it would have been better if it started with Amanda's childhood, and then build up to the moment of her moving to her dad's place.
Amanda was a wonderful girl, she was sweet, caring, but I also so loved her nerdier side (her love for Star Wars was just a delight). She is also a great friend, even though she had trouble at times (like with the Chloe x Bee situation). You see her change so much in this book. From a shy, worried, often afraid girl who doesn't really know how to do a lot of girly things, to a girl who is brave, who can stand up for herself, and who is happy. She learns a lot from her friends, from bras (oh, girl, when that gym part came up, I was just feeling the pain) to ear piercings. :P
Grant was such a sweet guy. He isn't really the smartest, but he does try his best. He is sweet, caring, and he works his butt off. I instantly took a liking to him. Though his reaction at the prom had me wanting to slap him. :| But other than that, I loved him, and all he did for Amanda. Their dates were just adorable, and I loved how supportive he was of her.
Layla, Chloe, Anna? These girls were just amazing. They were sweet, understanding (not only during the book, but also afterwards), the pulled Amanda in their fold and didn't let her go. They dragged her to all sorts of fun events, and I was just so delighted with them. I was worried that they may change, or may just turn against Amanda, but oh no, these girls are gold. *hugs all 3 of them*
Amanda's Mom and Dad. While I can't imagine how hard it must be to find out that your son is actually your daughter (since I would call it that), I loved that these 2 still tried their best to accept Amanda. It wasn't easy, and they had a few bumps along the way, but eventually they picked up, and they were so sweet and supportive. Amanda is really lucky with her parents. Especially if you hear the stories from her best friend Virginia about their support group and how some of the people there ended. :(
Parker and Bee, I will just put those in the same category. They were pretty terrible characters. Parker had a small chance of redemption at one point (during the promposal), but then he completely and utterly destroyed everything. :|
Bee? I never quite liked her. Or maybe it should be better to say that I never trusted her. I just had a feeling. An instinct.
The only thing I didn't like in this entire book, and which prevented me from rating it 5+ stars... was the fact that Amanda sure took her sweet time to tell him, and even then, didn't push when he did that to the letter she typed out for him. And after that she just didn't care to tell him any more. I just was so frustrated. I know, she had a rough past, she is in a small town that is also religious, but something big as this, the fact you used to be a boy, should be said. It shouldn't be hidden. It shouldn't be a secret. If it is just a fling, sure, go ahead, don't tell him, but if you are envisioning a future together, if you are falling in love, then tell him. Be honest with him.
Now I can hear people say that I shouldn't judge, but I have my fair share of baggage, and I shared that quite soon with my boyfriend. As soon as I could see us staying together, I told him. We spoke about my baggage, and he told me things about his own. I think it is only fair.
What happens at prom, and afterwards. Wow. Just wow. Can we please throw Parker from somewhere high? Bah. :| I was so horrified when that happened (and no, you will have to read to find out what happens).
The after afterwards (starting at chapter 32), it was definitely a sad couple of chapters, but I also feel happiness, because things happened, talks happened, things were said, things were finally closed and came together in a good way.
The last chapter was just so sweet, and I was so happy with how everything ended, and what Amanda finally did. I can see a promising future for her and a certain someone, but I am also sure that her friends will be her friends forever, they just have such a connection.
Phew, I believe I have everything mentioned that I wanted to mention. Sorry if it is a bit chaotic, this book just brought out all the feels. It is a story that grabs you by your nose and just doesn't let go. Fantastic characters, beautiful, and at times, intense story, and much much more. I would highly recommend this book to everyone!
Review first posted at https://twirlingbookprincess.com/
This was just an absolutely wonderful book. I first borrowed it from the library, but had to bring it back (can only have 2 books at that one library). So I bought it, waiting for it to arrive, and then waiting for the right mood to arrive as well.
I just flew through this book, I devoured the book, I wanted to know more about Amanda. About her life, about her previous life, but also about her life at her dad's place. I wanted to see her get happy, she so deserved that. She deserved friends who loved and cared about her. She deserved a sweet guy.
The book switches between the now, and the then. While I loved that this was done, it gave more insight in Amanda and who she was before she truly became Amanda (her struggle (and also her suicide attempt), her path to becoming a real woman) I wish it was done a bit more chronologically. Instead of jumping around in the past (from a few months to a few years), it would have been better if it started with Amanda's childhood, and then build up to the moment of her moving to her dad's place.
Amanda was a wonderful girl, she was sweet, caring, but I also so loved her nerdier side (her love for Star Wars was just a delight). She is also a great friend, even though she had trouble at times (like with the Chloe x Bee situation). You see her change so much in this book. From a shy, worried, often afraid girl who doesn't really know how to do a lot of girly things, to a girl who is brave, who can stand up for herself, and who is happy. She learns a lot from her friends, from bras (oh, girl, when that gym part came up, I was just feeling the pain) to ear piercings. :P
Grant was such a sweet guy. He isn't really the smartest, but he does try his best. He is sweet, caring, and he works his butt off. I instantly took a liking to him. Though his reaction at the prom had me wanting to slap him. :| But other than that, I loved him, and all he did for Amanda. Their dates were just adorable, and I loved how supportive he was of her.
Layla, Chloe, Anna? These girls were just amazing. They were sweet, understanding (not only during the book, but also afterwards), the pulled Amanda in their fold and didn't let her go. They dragged her to all sorts of fun events, and I was just so delighted with them. I was worried that they may change, or may just turn against Amanda, but oh no, these girls are gold. *hugs all 3 of them*
Amanda's Mom and Dad. While I can't imagine how hard it must be to find out that your son is actually your daughter (since I would call it that), I loved that these 2 still tried their best to accept Amanda. It wasn't easy, and they had a few bumps along the way, but eventually they picked up, and they were so sweet and supportive. Amanda is really lucky with her parents. Especially if you hear the stories from her best friend Virginia about their support group and how some of the people there ended. :(
Parker and Bee, I will just put those in the same category. They were pretty terrible characters. Parker had a small chance of redemption at one point (during the promposal), but then he completely and utterly destroyed everything. :|
Bee? I never quite liked her. Or maybe it should be better to say that I never trusted her. I just had a feeling. An instinct.
The only thing I didn't like in this entire book, and which prevented me from rating it 5+ stars... was the fact that Amanda sure took her sweet time to tell him, and even then, didn't push when he did that to the letter she typed out for him. And after that she just didn't care to tell him any more. I just was so frustrated. I know, she had a rough past, she is in a small town that is also religious, but something big as this, the fact you used to be a boy, should be said. It shouldn't be hidden. It shouldn't be a secret. If it is just a fling, sure, go ahead, don't tell him, but if you are envisioning a future together, if you are falling in love, then tell him. Be honest with him.
Now I can hear people say that I shouldn't judge, but I have my fair share of baggage, and I shared that quite soon with my boyfriend. As soon as I could see us staying together, I told him. We spoke about my baggage, and he told me things about his own. I think it is only fair.
What happens at prom, and afterwards. Wow. Just wow. Can we please throw Parker from somewhere high? Bah. :| I was so horrified when that happened (and no, you will have to read to find out what happens).
The after afterwards (starting at chapter 32), it was definitely a sad couple of chapters, but I also feel happiness, because things happened, talks happened, things were said, things were finally closed and came together in a good way.
The last chapter was just so sweet, and I was so happy with how everything ended, and what Amanda finally did. I can see a promising future for her and a certain someone, but I am also sure that her friends will be her friends forever, they just have such a connection.
Phew, I believe I have everything mentioned that I wanted to mention. Sorry if it is a bit chaotic, this book just brought out all the feels. It is a story that grabs you by your nose and just doesn't let go. Fantastic characters, beautiful, and at times, intense story, and much much more. I would highly recommend this book to everyone!
Review first posted at https://twirlingbookprincess.com/
cehtempleton's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
reflective
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
5.0
Particularly taken with the author’s note at the end, this is a great story
Content Warnings
Graphic: Suicide attempt
proudlocks's review against another edition
3.0
i was really intrigued by this book, I’m glad I read it, some chapters with tears in my eyes.
It touches on something hardly any books do, and I think it might help young trans people (especially if they are scared, unsure, unsafe). There is hope, who you are is valid, you deserve to live.
The book does an amazing job also touching on the feelings of parents, friends, while also touching on some of the more scary, daunting aspects.
This book has opened my eyes, I knew for trans people (and others ) being who you really are is hard, but I didn’t realise just how hard (and as the author mentions at the end, the book was “mainstreamed” a bit (eg. Started on hormones without a wait, got surgery, was passable as a female) for many the fight is much harder, longer, filled with more pit falls.
To all those who are living as someone else because they can’t be/are too scared to be them true selves. You are braver than you know.
It touches on something hardly any books do, and I think it might help young trans people (especially if they are scared, unsure, unsafe). There is hope, who you are is valid, you deserve to live.
The book does an amazing job also touching on the feelings of parents, friends, while also touching on some of the more scary, daunting aspects.
This book has opened my eyes, I knew for trans people (and others ) being who you really are is hard, but I didn’t realise just how hard (and as the author mentions at the end, the book was “mainstreamed” a bit (eg. Started on hormones without a wait, got surgery, was passable as a female) for many the fight is much harder, longer, filled with more pit falls.
To all those who are living as someone else because they can’t be/are too scared to be them true selves. You are braver than you know.
lauraxxpaige's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
funny
hopeful
inspiring
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
3.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual violence and Transphobia
billie_visible's review against another edition
3.0
If I Was Your Girl by Meredith Russo opens with a scene familiar to many queer readers for generations past. Timidly, Amanda arrives to greet her father for the first time in years, an awkward reunion heavily weighted by the pain of the unspoken: abandonment, abuse, and rejection.
Yet from the onset, there is a clear light at the end of the tunnel. Their reunion marks a turning point in their relationship, as Amanda moves in with her father following the Obligatory-Low that marks any suicide survivor’s life. For even in his hesitation, his discomfort, there is a sense that he sees her. While he murmurs statements like “I’m old fashioned” and Amanda reminds him that her name is now in fact Amanda, and no longer Andrew, the legal name on her birth certificate, it feels that her father grapples less with the fact that a woman now stands before him, and more the fact that a woman who he was never there, for now, stands before him. His awkwardness is rooted led in acceptance. He’s resigned, the details in the book revealing there’s no doubt Amanda is who she has always been. Instead, he’s embarrassed about himself, angry at being faced with his own failings and a daughter who hasn’t been broken by them.
Amanda’s story is altogether both unique and familiar, playing into the arcs of common issues present among lesbian, gay, and bisexual individuals, transgender and nonbinary individuals, and teenagers in the throes of romance. Yet in its essence, Russo’s novel buries these themes deep, swaddled into a Hallmark-movie-worthy YA-read that made me brutally aware that I’d never actually read a teenage romance before that wasn’t a subset of the fantasy/sci-fi genre.
The formula is rather simple: just a small-town girl, living in a lonely world. Girl meets boy. Boy and girl bond over some she’s not like other girls moment (it’s Star Wars and Neil Gaiman). Girl and boy catch feelings. Girl and boy fall and love. Girl and boy have some sort of emotional hangup that could be resolved by a single conversation that won’t happen because that would negate the plot of the book. Drama happens because of the lack of said conversation. Drama resolves. Happily ever after. Cue don’t you, forget about me…
There are a few mild curveballs Russo throws our way to keep us on our toes, stereotypes she occasionally swaps around and paths taken unexpectedly. Her “baby steps” approach to Amanda’s character as a transgender teen is likely the most surprising thing about the book, albeit understanding, a choice made to help her connect better with a cisgender audience and reach a wider swath of audience (no book bannings for this author!).
Amanda is written as someone who began hormone treatment young and has had both top and bottom surgery which are not common as a whole in the U.S. at only 16% of the population as of 2022.
Throughout the trauma and pain of Amanda’s life, she experiences a well-deserved happy ending that young LGBTQIA+ members and allies have come to expect departed from generations of depictions of trauma. I cannot help but wonder what this book would feel like to read as a trans person, the privilege Amanda is granted for “passing”, and the sheer financial implications it imposes on a family that doesn’t even seem to be well-off. Ultimately, her life is all that matters, as is the idea that perhaps in the hands of a young reader, this book could impose a ray of hope.
Yet from the onset, there is a clear light at the end of the tunnel. Their reunion marks a turning point in their relationship, as Amanda moves in with her father following the Obligatory-Low that marks any suicide survivor’s life. For even in his hesitation, his discomfort, there is a sense that he sees her. While he murmurs statements like “I’m old fashioned” and Amanda reminds him that her name is now in fact Amanda, and no longer Andrew, the legal name on her birth certificate, it feels that her father grapples less with the fact that a woman now stands before him, and more the fact that a woman who he was never there, for now, stands before him. His awkwardness is rooted led in acceptance. He’s resigned, the details in the book revealing there’s no doubt Amanda is who she has always been. Instead, he’s embarrassed about himself, angry at being faced with his own failings and a daughter who hasn’t been broken by them.
Amanda’s story is altogether both unique and familiar, playing into the arcs of common issues present among lesbian, gay, and bisexual individuals, transgender and nonbinary individuals, and teenagers in the throes of romance. Yet in its essence, Russo’s novel buries these themes deep, swaddled into a Hallmark-movie-worthy YA-read that made me brutally aware that I’d never actually read a teenage romance before that wasn’t a subset of the fantasy/sci-fi genre.
The formula is rather simple: just a small-town girl, living in a lonely world. Girl meets boy. Boy and girl bond over some she’s not like other girls moment (it’s Star Wars and Neil Gaiman). Girl and boy catch feelings. Girl and boy fall and love. Girl and boy have some sort of emotional hangup that could be resolved by a single conversation that won’t happen because that would negate the plot of the book. Drama happens because of the lack of said conversation. Drama resolves. Happily ever after. Cue don’t you, forget about me…
There are a few mild curveballs Russo throws our way to keep us on our toes, stereotypes she occasionally swaps around and paths taken unexpectedly. Her “baby steps” approach to Amanda’s character as a transgender teen is likely the most surprising thing about the book, albeit understanding, a choice made to help her connect better with a cisgender audience and reach a wider swath of audience (no book bannings for this author!).
Amanda is written as someone who began hormone treatment young and has had both top and bottom surgery which are not common as a whole in the U.S. at only 16% of the population as of 2022.
Throughout the trauma and pain of Amanda’s life, she experiences a well-deserved happy ending that young LGBTQIA+ members and allies have come to expect departed from generations of depictions of trauma. I cannot help but wonder what this book would feel like to read as a trans person, the privilege Amanda is granted for “passing”, and the sheer financial implications it imposes on a family that doesn’t even seem to be well-off. Ultimately, her life is all that matters, as is the idea that perhaps in the hands of a young reader, this book could impose a ray of hope.
slimbooks's review against another edition
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
victorianly's review against another edition
3.0
3.5
Mi è piaciuto molto; l'ho iniziato e finito in una sola seduta, praticamente non riuscivo a staccarmi!
Anche se mi aspettavo qualcosa di più.
Mi è piaciuto molto; l'ho iniziato e finito in una sola seduta, praticamente non riuscivo a staccarmi!
Anche se mi aspettavo qualcosa di più.
susannaopal's review against another edition
3.0
3.5/5. Highly recommend it for opening discussion on an important topic. Wanted a less open-ended ending but look forward to whatever Russo might write next!