Reviews with content warning for Ableism - Just By Looking at Him

I loved watching Special, so when searching for a queer love story and saw that this one was written by Ryan O’Connell, I knew I had to read it 🥰

I loved O’Connell’s candour. In this ableist world, how do you live as a disabled, queer man? How do you navigate love and sex?

I really loved that he didn’t simply stay with Gus out of convenience and whatever else. Elliott’s character development was so natural and necessary 👏🏼

Short and sweet, but still packed with lots of great tidbits. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it 🥹

4.5 out of 5 stars for me, thank you ✨ Content warnings below!

Content Warnings

howdyhoward's review against another edition

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emotional funny

3.0

I avoided this book for a while because the cover made me think it would be super serious. Instead, it had a light and comedic tone like much of O'Connell's other works. This was a pretty quick read, and while it dealt with some tough topics like infidelity and substance abuse, it kept it light with constant joke cracking. It felt a lot like a coming of age movie (which is a similar theme to the TV shows O'Connell has worked on). There are a lot of aspects of this book that I didn't like. The characters felt kind of surface level and Elliot's perspective was rather insulated. Elliot makes generalizations about all marginalized people (because he is disabled) that ring as especially hollow considering how much privilege he himself has as an affluent cis man. These observations may just be internalized self-hatred, which he begins to shed at the very end of the book, but they are repeated rather often unchallenged and all together leave a bad taste in my mouth. There are other aspects of Elliot's privilege that are generalized by the text (likely because O'Connell is a similar demographic) that other reviewers have pointed out do not apply to racialized people, which could be very off-putting. I was familiar with O'Connell's previous works that share a similar perspective so I was expecting it, but the insulated world of skinny affluent gay men in Los Angeles is probably not one that many can relate to. Your mileage may vary on how much this bothers you. Elliot spends the majority of the book feeling both in control of and made helpless by his disability (cerebral palsy). He uses sex and relationships to feel desirable and bases his self worth on whether others find him attractive.

In the final scene, he has sex with another disabled man for the first time and is able to let his guard down and feel sexy in how his body actually works instead of how (he perceives) others wish it worked.

This scene was absolutely gorgeous and left the (overall mediocre) book on a really positive note for me. I feel a similar way about O'Connell's netflix show Special. While our disabilities aren't too similar, that show was one of the first pieces of media I really related with about my experience with disability, and that makes it really important to me. I wish more of the book could have had Elliot hating his disability less, but everyone goes on their own journey in coming to terms with their bodies.

Content Warnings

islamaunder21's review against another edition

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dark emotional funny hopeful informative inspiring reflective sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.5

The ending really made this book for me. This is a raw and unflinching depiction of life as a disabled gay man as well as sex work, addiction, relationships and unlikely friendships. It refuses to fall into and even actively challenges tropes of innocent victimhood nor sugar-coat the protagonist's flaws, internal and external ableism, or mental/physical pain. Simultaneously, the first person narrative voice, as told through Elliot's eyes, is campy, humorous and bitchy even in the difficult moments and we are made to gradually warm to him more and more, even rooting for and empathising with him despite him initially coming across as being quite unlikeable. Whilst I found that for the most part the beginning/first half of the novel didn't really hit for me, I felt myself getting pulled into the story as Elliot became more self-reflective and open, even seeing his poor choices at the expense of others through a newly compassionate light.
Whilst at times emotional, this novel does not shy away from explicit sex scenes lol, I found it hilarious listening to descriptions of sex positions and acts whilst shopping for groceries in my local corner shop and doing my washing up.
Also I never thought I would choke up at a sex scene but the final chapter got to me as I found it so beautiful and moving to witness Elliot feel finally fully seen and understood, and intimacy is reclaimed as something much more profound than simply physical satisfaction
I found some of the ''reflective'' moments in the book which were commentating on social issues and injustices to be a bit too basic and unnecessary whilst they of course made very valid and important points. I think rather than being told what to think as readers, these issues might have been inferred through witnessing the characters, narrative and Elliot's own internal dialogue.
Also this is probably because I'm not an LA gurl but whilst some of the humour landed, other parts of the narrative style were a bit cheesy for me and I didn't get all of the references.
All in all I found this is be a moving and empowering book which explores the co- existence of disability and sexuality as being not at odds with one another but just as multifaceted and nuanced as that of able bodied individuals, albeit in both similar and different ways.

Content Warnings

theskyboi's review against another edition

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tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? No
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.5

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deerlordxx's review against another edition

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funny reflective medium-paced

4.0

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kaywhiteley's review against another edition

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funny hopeful lighthearted medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

LA gay drama

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darshreads's review against another edition

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dark funny lighthearted reflective fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

One of the reasons that I adore book clubs is that they introduce me to books that I would have never read on my own - a sort of exploration of my bookish palette, you might say.

I don’t think I would have picked up or stuck with ‘Just by Looking at him’ had it not been for a pride book club that I ironically ended up not being able to go to BUT I did keep on reading this and found an immense amount of joy in it.

'Just by looking at him’ is the story of a Hollywood screenwriter, Elliot, who’s dealing with a stale relationship with his boyfriend of nine years atop a shared alcohol addiction. Elliot has cerebral palsy as does the author and this informs the writing very well as we get to see how ableism really hampers Elliot’s life and relationships.

Funnily enough, I noticed how different my queerness is from Elliot’s and ~it’s all so beautiful~ *wipes a tear*

I found Elliot’s narrative hilarious and adored the relationship with his dad. I do wish the book had some more meat to it especially with regards to addiction but I do understand the creative choices that were made.

I can also see why the criticism of ‘this is just about rich white people problems’ was levelled against the book but the book feels genuine and I would rather have an honest portrayal of someone’s life than not have it? Or worse, have them appropriate experiences that are not their own for the sake of it. Pain is pain and privilege is privilege. It can all exist in literature as it does in the world? I don’t know.

In any case, I really enjoyed the book and I might check out the author’s show some time. Fin

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tlaynejones's review against another edition

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emotional funny hopeful lighthearted reflective sad fast-paced

5.0

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