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abbyyyyyyyyyy's review
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
4.5
Great perspective on marriage in the modern world! A little slow in some parts but I really appreciated Tim and Kathy’s take on servant leadership and sacrificing for the other.
bruhmoment87's review
5.0
My favorite quotes:
"Marriage is glorious but hard. It's a burning joy and strength, and yet it is also blood, sweat, and tears, humbling defeats and exhausting victories."
Page 13
"Studies show that spouses hold one another to greater levels of personal responsibility and self-discipline than friends or other family members can. Just to give one example, single people can spend money unwisely and self-indulgently without anyone to hold them accountable. But married people make each other practice saving, investment, and delayed gratification. Nothing can mature character like marriage."
Page 17
"In short, the Enlightenment privatized marriage, taking it out of the public sphere, and redefined its purpose as individual gratification, not any "broader good" such as reflecting God's nature, producing character, or raising children."
Page 22
"Both men and women today see marriage not as a way of creating character and community but as a way to reach personal goals. They are looking for a marriage partner who will "fulfill their emotional, sexual, and spiritual desires."
Page 28
"In other words, some people in our culture want too much out of a marriage partner. They do not see marriage as two flawed people coming together to create a space of stability, love, and consolation—a "haven in a heartless world," as Christopher Lasch describes it."
Page 29-30
"You can say, "I want someone who will accept me just as I am," but in your heart of hearts you know that you are not perfect, that there are plenty of things about you that need to be changed, and that anyone who gets to know you up close and personal will want to change them. And you also know that the other person will have needs, deep needs, and flaws."
Page 30
"This is love. Love should just come naturally if two people are compatible, if they are truly soul mates."
The Christian answer to this is that no two people are compatible.
...
Destructive to marriage is the self-fulfillment ethic that assumes marriage and the family are primarily institutions of personal fulfillment, necessary for us to become "whole" and happy. The assumption is that there is someone just right for us to marry and that if we look closely enough we will find the right person. This moral assumption overlooks a crucial aspect to marriage. It fails to appreciate the fact that we always marry the wrong person. We never know who we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first marry the right person, just give it a while and he or she will change. For marriage, being [the enormous thing it is] means we are not the same person after we have entered it. The primary problem is... learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married."
Page 32-33
"The Christian teaching does not offer a choice between fulfillment and sacrifice but rather mutual fulfillment through mutual sacrifice. Jesus gave himself up; he died to himself to save us and make us his. Now we give ourselves up, we die to ourselves, first when we repent and believe the gospel, and later as we submit to his will day by day."
Page 43
"longitudinal studies reveal that two-thirds of unhappy marriages will become happy within five years if people stay married and do not get divorced."
Page 91
"But it is truer to say that actions of love can lead consistently to feelings of love."
Page 110
"Love between two people must not, in the end, be identified simply with emotion or merely with dutiful action. Married love is a symbiotic, complex mixture of both. Having said this, it is important to observe that of the two—emotion and action—it is the latter that we have the most control over."
Page 110
"Screen first for friendship. Look for someone who understands you better than you do yourself, who makes you a better person just by being around them. And then explore whether that friendship could become a romance and a marriage."
Page 137
"Paul says that it means that both being married and not being married are good conditions to be in. We should be neither overly elated by getting married nor overly disappointed by not being so—because Christ is the only spouse that can truly fulfill us and God's family the only family that will truly embrace and satisfy us."
Page 222
"Paul's assessment in 1 Corinthians 7 is that singleness is a good condition blessed by God, and in many circumstances, it is actually better than marriage."
Page 223
"Marriage was created to be a reflection on the human level of our ultimate love relationship and union with the Lord. It is a sign and foretaste of the future kingdom of God."
Page 226
"If single Christians don't develop a deeply fulfilling love relationship with Jesus, they will put too much pressure on their dream of marriage, and that will create pathology in their lives as well. However, if singles learn to rest in and rejoice in their marriage to Christ, that means they will be able to handle single life without a devastating sense of being unfulfilled and unformed. Why? Because the same idolatry of marriage that is distorting their single lives will eventually distort their married lives if they find a partner. So there's no reason to wait. Demote marriage and family in your heart, put God first, and begin to enjoy the goodness of single life."
Page 227
"Unlike sex-and-romance-saturated Western society, Christians see singleness as good because our union with Christ can fulfill our deepest longings."
Page 230
"Let's face it: singleness is not an inherently inferior state of affairs... But I want to be married. I pray to that end every day. I may meet someone and walk down the aisle in the next couple of years because God is so good to me. I may never have another date... because God is so good to me."
Page 233
"To resist temptation, we have to speak the truth to our hearts. We must remind them that sex simply cannot fill the cosmic need for closure that our souls seek in romance. Only meeting Christ face-to-face will fill the emptiness in our hearts that sin created when we lost our unbroken fellowship with him. But we are not simply called to wait for an experience of Christ's love in the future. The Bible tells us that we can have not just intellectual belief in his love but actual experience of it now (Romans 5:5; Ephesians 3:17ff). This is available through prayer."
Page 261
"Marriage is glorious but hard. It's a burning joy and strength, and yet it is also blood, sweat, and tears, humbling defeats and exhausting victories."
Page 13
"Studies show that spouses hold one another to greater levels of personal responsibility and self-discipline than friends or other family members can. Just to give one example, single people can spend money unwisely and self-indulgently without anyone to hold them accountable. But married people make each other practice saving, investment, and delayed gratification. Nothing can mature character like marriage."
Page 17
"In short, the Enlightenment privatized marriage, taking it out of the public sphere, and redefined its purpose as individual gratification, not any "broader good" such as reflecting God's nature, producing character, or raising children."
Page 22
"Both men and women today see marriage not as a way of creating character and community but as a way to reach personal goals. They are looking for a marriage partner who will "fulfill their emotional, sexual, and spiritual desires."
Page 28
"In other words, some people in our culture want too much out of a marriage partner. They do not see marriage as two flawed people coming together to create a space of stability, love, and consolation—a "haven in a heartless world," as Christopher Lasch describes it."
Page 29-30
"You can say, "I want someone who will accept me just as I am," but in your heart of hearts you know that you are not perfect, that there are plenty of things about you that need to be changed, and that anyone who gets to know you up close and personal will want to change them. And you also know that the other person will have needs, deep needs, and flaws."
Page 30
"This is love. Love should just come naturally if two people are compatible, if they are truly soul mates."
The Christian answer to this is that no two people are compatible.
...
Destructive to marriage is the self-fulfillment ethic that assumes marriage and the family are primarily institutions of personal fulfillment, necessary for us to become "whole" and happy. The assumption is that there is someone just right for us to marry and that if we look closely enough we will find the right person. This moral assumption overlooks a crucial aspect to marriage. It fails to appreciate the fact that we always marry the wrong person. We never know who we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first marry the right person, just give it a while and he or she will change. For marriage, being [the enormous thing it is] means we are not the same person after we have entered it. The primary problem is... learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married."
Page 32-33
"The Christian teaching does not offer a choice between fulfillment and sacrifice but rather mutual fulfillment through mutual sacrifice. Jesus gave himself up; he died to himself to save us and make us his. Now we give ourselves up, we die to ourselves, first when we repent and believe the gospel, and later as we submit to his will day by day."
Page 43
"longitudinal studies reveal that two-thirds of unhappy marriages will become happy within five years if people stay married and do not get divorced."
Page 91
"But it is truer to say that actions of love can lead consistently to feelings of love."
Page 110
"Love between two people must not, in the end, be identified simply with emotion or merely with dutiful action. Married love is a symbiotic, complex mixture of both. Having said this, it is important to observe that of the two—emotion and action—it is the latter that we have the most control over."
Page 110
"Screen first for friendship. Look for someone who understands you better than you do yourself, who makes you a better person just by being around them. And then explore whether that friendship could become a romance and a marriage."
Page 137
"Paul says that it means that both being married and not being married are good conditions to be in. We should be neither overly elated by getting married nor overly disappointed by not being so—because Christ is the only spouse that can truly fulfill us and God's family the only family that will truly embrace and satisfy us."
Page 222
"Paul's assessment in 1 Corinthians 7 is that singleness is a good condition blessed by God, and in many circumstances, it is actually better than marriage."
Page 223
"Marriage was created to be a reflection on the human level of our ultimate love relationship and union with the Lord. It is a sign and foretaste of the future kingdom of God."
Page 226
"If single Christians don't develop a deeply fulfilling love relationship with Jesus, they will put too much pressure on their dream of marriage, and that will create pathology in their lives as well. However, if singles learn to rest in and rejoice in their marriage to Christ, that means they will be able to handle single life without a devastating sense of being unfulfilled and unformed. Why? Because the same idolatry of marriage that is distorting their single lives will eventually distort their married lives if they find a partner. So there's no reason to wait. Demote marriage and family in your heart, put God first, and begin to enjoy the goodness of single life."
Page 227
"Unlike sex-and-romance-saturated Western society, Christians see singleness as good because our union with Christ can fulfill our deepest longings."
Page 230
"Let's face it: singleness is not an inherently inferior state of affairs... But I want to be married. I pray to that end every day. I may meet someone and walk down the aisle in the next couple of years because God is so good to me. I may never have another date... because God is so good to me."
Page 233
"To resist temptation, we have to speak the truth to our hearts. We must remind them that sex simply cannot fill the cosmic need for closure that our souls seek in romance. Only meeting Christ face-to-face will fill the emptiness in our hearts that sin created when we lost our unbroken fellowship with him. But we are not simply called to wait for an experience of Christ's love in the future. The Bible tells us that we can have not just intellectual belief in his love but actual experience of it now (Romans 5:5; Ephesians 3:17ff). This is available through prayer."
Page 261
sophie_pang's review
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
4.0
The Kellers explain the mission, power, & essence of marriage well. They compare cultural views on marriage with God-designed marriage (as written in the Word). They provide personal experiences & stories that explain these different concepts such as God-given gender roles well.
matthewmcconnell's review
4.0
This one took me a little while to get through, I’ll admit. I was skeptical during the opening chapters so I put it aside for a while, but came back to it and the book ended up being a fairly enjoyable read!
I am not married, nor do I found myself in a situation where I will be married soon, but when that time draws near, I think this is a book that will be very much worth re-reading. Lots of good content!
I am not married, nor do I found myself in a situation where I will be married soon, but when that time draws near, I think this is a book that will be very much worth re-reading. Lots of good content!
jaz_b's review against another edition
4.0
I have never read a book that is so well-rounded and informative on the topic of biblical marriage as this is. Extremely helpful, practical, and makes you think. Plenty of moments this book has stirred my heart to pause and reflect deeply about marriage as a whole, in relation to the gospel, and individual roles. It is obvious that a lot of time and thought has been poured into the writing of this book. Highly recommend for singles and those waiting to be married!
mhope87's review
3.0
The first few chapters were filled with insight, and I pored over them, taking notes and reflecting deeply. The second half of the book I didn't feel the same, and I flew through with less attention, with a few insights here and there. Looking at marriage as a reflection of the gospel, and of the trinity, our relational God, this overall message is very powerful. The chapter on gender roles made me think, and though I don't fully agree with it, I appreciate the clarification of headship/leadership of the husband as servant-leadership, modelled after Jesus, and not just the broken, patriarchal tradition of the world.