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Reviews
Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections by Emily Nagoski
mouse909's review
4.5
As a single person, I came into this book with curiosity and the anticipation that one day I or a future partner will be facing challenges in the sex realm. Even though Iām not currently in a relationship, I did still get some good tidbits from her story like putting my frickin cuticle oil next to my bed because I tend to forget to oil my cuticles until Iām laying cozily in bed and not wanting to get up. Somewhat but not really relevant to the bookādecide for yourself after reading ha.Ā
All in all, a very fascinating read that does a good job of balancing research with personal narratives whether that be the authorās or others interviewed for the book.
Update: have had this book on my mind a lot now and it has been a game changer in self pleasure. I used to be a do what will make it quick and get the prize type. But now Iāll take the backgrounds and detours knowing Iāll still get to the destination, but it is so much more enjoyable because Iām not worried about the destination. Instead Iām worried about how joyful the ride and experience is. If I make it to my destination during this trip, beautiful! If not, perhaps the next trip I will. But when I do reach my destination? It is a much sweeter, gratifying release.Ā
All in all, a very fascinating read that does a good job of balancing research with personal narratives whether that be the authorās or others interviewed for the book.
Update: have had this book on my mind a lot now and it has been a game changer in self pleasure. I used to be a do what will make it quick and get the prize type. But now Iāll take the backgrounds and detours knowing Iāll still get to the destination, but it is so much more enjoyable because Iām not worried about the destination. Instead Iām worried about how joyful the ride and experience is. If I make it to my destination during this trip, beautiful! If not, perhaps the next trip I will. But when I do reach my destination? It is a much sweeter, gratifying release.Ā
katefrost's review against another edition
challenging
hopeful
reflective
4.5
I began reading this alone, but after I had the repeated impulse to send entire sections to my husband of approximately one trillion years, we decided to read the book aloud together.Ā
Its structure follows the same pattern in each chapter: an idea, data, sometimes a story about a couple the author knows, a TLDR, and some suggested questions for yourself and your partner. We worked through the book slowly, to avoid burnout. While neither of us particularly had complaints in the area of our sex life, reading this together and working through the questions at the end of each chapter, gave us a shared āthird thingā to turn towards.Ā
In particular, I am still thinking about how Nagoski recontextualized trust and trustworthiness for me. It genuinely blew my mind and I immediately sent the ideas to my therapist for discussion. The chapter on the gender mirage has been similarly useful as a lens through which to view so many other ways we engage.Ā
The one place where Nagoski lost me/us from time to time was the examination of specific couples. The scenes she described where she was participating in the conversation felt a little self congratulatory of the ideas presented and almost like missed social cues, if the conversations proceeded as written. It just created a bit of cringiness where the anecdata could have been communicated with fewer stage directions.Ā
Iād recommend this first and foremost directly to my therapist; then to people in long term relationships. With the exception of one chapter (which focuses on a very specific dynamic in cis/hetĀ relationships), the book is incredibly inclusive in its language and its consideration of many different relationship structures. Ā
A big thanks to Netgalley for an advance copy of this book!Ā
Its structure follows the same pattern in each chapter: an idea, data, sometimes a story about a couple the author knows, a TLDR, and some suggested questions for yourself and your partner. We worked through the book slowly, to avoid burnout. While neither of us particularly had complaints in the area of our sex life, reading this together and working through the questions at the end of each chapter, gave us a shared āthird thingā to turn towards.Ā
In particular, I am still thinking about how Nagoski recontextualized trust and trustworthiness for me. It genuinely blew my mind and I immediately sent the ideas to my therapist for discussion. The chapter on the gender mirage has been similarly useful as a lens through which to view so many other ways we engage.Ā
The one place where Nagoski lost me/us from time to time was the examination of specific couples. The scenes she described where she was participating in the conversation felt a little self congratulatory of the ideas presented and almost like missed social cues, if the conversations proceeded as written. It just created a bit of cringiness where the anecdata could have been communicated with fewer stage directions.Ā
Iād recommend this first and foremost directly to my therapist; then to people in long term relationships. With the exception of one chapter (which focuses on a very specific dynamic in cis/hetĀ relationships), the book is incredibly inclusive in its language and its consideration of many different relationship structures. Ā
A big thanks to Netgalley for an advance copy of this book!Ā
skudiklier's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
I absolutely loved this book. I found it super interesting and I feel like it's helpful for people to read and think about even if you're not in the midst of an active problem you're trying to solve. Nagoski takes a radically open approach to things like sex, desire, and gender, and really breaks down a lot of the socially ingrained things people think they "should" feel or do with regard to sex. This is a perspective I think everyone needs to hear, and I took a lot of notes. Each chapter also helpfully has a tl;dr at the end so you can reference key points later.
Thank you to Netgalley and Ballantine Books for the chance to read and review this ARC.
Thank you to Netgalley and Ballantine Books for the chance to read and review this ARC.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content
Moderate: Sexual violence and Sexism
Minor: Racism, Sexual assault, Toxic relationship, Transphobia, Ableism, and Mental illness
moderate CW for PTSD/trauma
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