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shingekiyes's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
4.5
it feels sacrilegious to rate this below a 5, but i must be true to how i feel. i listened to the audiobook while traveling/sick, so i feel that i would have had a deeper experience if i had read the physical book in an environment more conducive to paying close attention.
(spoilers below)
this book was marketed to me by other readers as a book about “mommy issues.” it is that, but it is mostly a gruesome tale of cancer, death, and grief. it is one thing to reflect on a tense relationship with your mother, it is another to endure the trauma of stage four cancer, being a full-time caretaker, watching your parent die prematurely, and being left with a deep sense of regret and resentment with absolutely no closure. this is a book i would recommend (lightly) to friends who have had similar experiences who want to feel validated in their complex feelings about their parents. not everyone has “mommy moms” as Michelle puts it, and that’s okay.
i read a lot of books about mommy issues. i have mommy issues. and this memoir was absolutely visceral, but not in the ways i expected.
i loved how the story of Michelle and Chongmi was told through food, art, and music. Michelle has a way with words… you can tell she is gifted beyond the scope of her nonfiction writing. i felt like i could listen to her narrate recipes and grocery lists all day and not get bored.
while the elements of Michelle’s Korean identity were not applicable to my own experience, i could really feel her pain and understood her perspective very clearly. her story of childhood/teenage fear of fetishization, bullying, and othering was really eye-opening. i found myself really relating to her reflection on that time in her adolescence, the time where she would have done anything to separate herself from her mother, and how as an adult she would do anything to keep her mother inside her, embody her. i loved listening to Michelle grow throughout the overarching timeline. i loved seeing her embrace her Korean heritage, Korean food, Korean family, despite feeling alienated by it at times.
the most emotionally resonant part for me was when Michelle recounts a brief encounter between her and her mother. it was one of the few times they were along together, and Michelle remarked that it was nice that they were finally getting along as a mother and daughter should—they finally had something to talk about. Her mother looks to her and says she finally realized, “I have never met someone like you before.”
this memory—of finally arriving at the turning point in their relationship, with years ahead of understanding and possible friendship to look forward to—made Chongmi’s diagnosis all the more devastating. Michelle rightfully felt cheated out of “good years” with her mother, and i genuinely could feel her the ache of disappointment and the heat of her rage through her narration.
not only was that anger and regret very potent, but the related feeling of resentment towards her mother. questions of my own, painfully relatable, relationship with my family flooded my mind as i listened to Michelle’s flabbergasted response: what do you mean you never met someone like me before? you made me, you created me, i am you, you are me… why couldn’t we see that before? and why did it matter? why did you need to know me and understand me to love me?
throughout the book, one theme is abundantly clear: it is okay to have mixed feelings about our parents. it is okay to yearn for their love and approval, but know that they are flawed people too. we do not have to forgive them, but we must acknowledge their impact on our lives, and to a certain extent, their love.
also—as we get older, we begin to see our parents within us (like Chongmi’s art/paintings and Michelle’s music), and that’s okay. even if they hurt us, we are not them. we can hold pieces of them without being hurt again. there is hope for deeper connection, too, should we want for it.
in the end, i listened to Japanese Breakfast’s first album, Psychopomp as i reflected on the book. i was deeply touched by the influence of grief and growth on the band’s music, and seeing the album cover made me tear up. it is lovely to see that, despite the turmoil in their relationship, Michelle could honor her mother through her art.
Michelle Zauner has a unique and inspiring voice. this was a great read and i will definitely be coming back to it as i age and as i, hopefully, one day, reach that vital turning point with my own mother.
(spoilers below)
this book was marketed to me by other readers as a book about “mommy issues.” it is that, but it is mostly a gruesome tale of cancer, death, and grief. it is one thing to reflect on a tense relationship with your mother, it is another to endure the trauma of stage four cancer, being a full-time caretaker, watching your parent die prematurely, and being left with a deep sense of regret and resentment with absolutely no closure. this is a book i would recommend (lightly) to friends who have had similar experiences who want to feel validated in their complex feelings about their parents. not everyone has “mommy moms” as Michelle puts it, and that’s okay.
i read a lot of books about mommy issues. i have mommy issues. and this memoir was absolutely visceral, but not in the ways i expected.
i loved how the story of Michelle and Chongmi was told through food, art, and music. Michelle has a way with words… you can tell she is gifted beyond the scope of her nonfiction writing. i felt like i could listen to her narrate recipes and grocery lists all day and not get bored.
while the elements of Michelle’s Korean identity were not applicable to my own experience, i could really feel her pain and understood her perspective very clearly. her story of childhood/teenage fear of fetishization, bullying, and othering was really eye-opening. i found myself really relating to her reflection on that time in her adolescence, the time where she would have done anything to separate herself from her mother, and how as an adult she would do anything to keep her mother inside her, embody her. i loved listening to Michelle grow throughout the overarching timeline. i loved seeing her embrace her Korean heritage, Korean food, Korean family, despite feeling alienated by it at times.
the most emotionally resonant part for me was when Michelle recounts a brief encounter between her and her mother. it was one of the few times they were along together, and Michelle remarked that it was nice that they were finally getting along as a mother and daughter should—they finally had something to talk about. Her mother looks to her and says she finally realized, “I have never met someone like you before.”
this memory—of finally arriving at the turning point in their relationship, with years ahead of understanding and possible friendship to look forward to—made Chongmi’s diagnosis all the more devastating. Michelle rightfully felt cheated out of “good years” with her mother, and i genuinely could feel her the ache of disappointment and the heat of her rage through her narration.
not only was that anger and regret very potent, but the related feeling of resentment towards her mother. questions of my own, painfully relatable, relationship with my family flooded my mind as i listened to Michelle’s flabbergasted response: what do you mean you never met someone like me before? you made me, you created me, i am you, you are me… why couldn’t we see that before? and why did it matter? why did you need to know me and understand me to love me?
throughout the book, one theme is abundantly clear: it is okay to have mixed feelings about our parents. it is okay to yearn for their love and approval, but know that they are flawed people too. we do not have to forgive them, but we must acknowledge their impact on our lives, and to a certain extent, their love.
also—as we get older, we begin to see our parents within us (like Chongmi’s art/paintings and Michelle’s music), and that’s okay. even if they hurt us, we are not them. we can hold pieces of them without being hurt again. there is hope for deeper connection, too, should we want for it.
in the end, i listened to Japanese Breakfast’s first album, Psychopomp as i reflected on the book. i was deeply touched by the influence of grief and growth on the band’s music, and seeing the album cover made me tear up. it is lovely to see that, despite the turmoil in their relationship, Michelle could honor her mother through her art.
Michelle Zauner has a unique and inspiring voice. this was a great read and i will definitely be coming back to it as i age and as i, hopefully, one day, reach that vital turning point with my own mother.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Death, Terminal illness, Xenophobia, Grief, and Death of parent
Moderate: Body shaming, Racial slurs, Racism, Toxic relationship, and Alcohol
Minor: Child abuse, Car accident, and Abortion
luciz's review against another edition
sad
slow-paced
1.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Terminal illness, Toxic relationship, and Alcohol
hufflepuffbiologybuff's review against another edition
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
medium-paced
3.25
The relationship between mother and daughter is honestly refreshing. I think some of us can relate. Some of the things said in anger to each other was inappropriate, which is often the case though the mom made a really low blow that stuck with me.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Death, Emotional abuse, Terminal illness, Toxic relationship, and Death of parent
Moderate: Addiction, Alcoholism, Body shaming, Drug use, Fatphobia, Infidelity, Physical abuse, Racism, Excrement, and Car accident
Minor: Cursing, Sexism, Suicidal thoughts, and Abortion
flamesocks's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Chronic illness, Drug abuse, Drug use, Panic attacks/disorders, Racism, Toxic relationship, Xenophobia, Medical content, Grief, Car accident, Death of parent, and Alcohol
Moderate: Abortion
linearev's review
challenging
dark
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.75
So, I have been reading a lot of Korean and Japanese book lately, a campaign kicked off by the ‘before the coffee gets cold’ series and intensefied by Sayaka Murata. And so when I picked up this book, I fully expected to at least like it.
However, I was not in the slightest, ready, for the heavy hitting force of the fact, that this is a self biography. A portrait of no the the Korean minority in USA but also of a complicated relationship between a mother and daughter. A generational tradition of complicated love and amazing food. It introduces the reader to the inner workings of someone who is both rather relatable as she is partly American, yet also somewhat astranged (from someone who grew up so differently). And yet, the brilliance of her writing reveals itself by letting us into her Korean side and guiding us through that world. It left me feeling both entertained yet also more knowledgeable each time I finished a chapter. Because somehow she balanced this complicated self portrait with humor which created the sort of entertainment often found in fictional books.
All to say that this was very good. It sort of reminds me of the new and popular “I’m glad my mom died” which ironically takes the opposite stance of the maternal relation between the main people, yet left me with the same feeling of stepping out of the life of someone compelling and complicated. I liked it enormously and hope to read more from her soon.
However, I was not in the slightest, ready, for the heavy hitting force of the fact, that this is a self biography. A portrait of no the the Korean minority in USA but also of a complicated relationship between a mother and daughter. A generational tradition of complicated love and amazing food. It introduces the reader to the inner workings of someone who is both rather relatable as she is partly American, yet also somewhat astranged (from someone who grew up so differently). And yet, the brilliance of her writing reveals itself by letting us into her Korean side and guiding us through that world. It left me feeling both entertained yet also more knowledgeable each time I finished a chapter. Because somehow she balanced this complicated self portrait with humor which created the sort of entertainment often found in fictional books.
All to say that this was very good. It sort of reminds me of the new and popular “I’m glad my mom died” which ironically takes the opposite stance of the maternal relation between the main people, yet left me with the same feeling of stepping out of the life of someone compelling and complicated. I liked it enormously and hope to read more from her soon.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Chronic illness, Death, Mental illness, Terminal illness, Toxic relationship, Vomit, Medical content, Grief, and Death of parent
kmae314's review against another edition
emotional
funny
reflective
sad
slow-paced
3.5
3.5 stars
Content Warnings
Graphic: Terminal illness and Grief
Moderate: Alcoholism, Child abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Emotional abuse, and Toxic relationship
emilyharmonica's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Death, Drug use, Emotional abuse, Infidelity, Mental illness, Physical abuse, Racism, Terminal illness, Toxic relationship, Excrement, Vomit, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, Abortion, Death of parent, and Alcohol
crieraylas's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Cancer, Chronic illness, Death, Emotional abuse, Racism, Terminal illness, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, Car accident, and Death of parent
Moderate: Body shaming, Cursing, Drug abuse, Eating disorder, Mental illness, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Vomit, and Injury/Injury detail
Minor: Infidelity, Violence, and Abortion
princessblueyes's review against another edition
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
3.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Toxic relationship, and Death of parent
smacey's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
funny
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
4.75
4.75/5.00
Michelle Zauner does an incredible job telling the story of her complicated relationship with her mother and experience of losing a parent to cancer. She shows immense amounts of vulnerability, bravery, openness, honesty, empathy, and strength throughout this book. While I have not experienced a parent enduring a terminal illness, I have, as many other women have, played the role of the daughter in an equal parts beautiful, equal parts difficult mother-daughter relationship and found myself relating to many of the feelings Zauner described having as a result of navigating such a relationship. It was also so fun to read about the various Korean cuisines Zauner described cooking and eating and the way in which food was a central part of her life, culture, and familial relationships. Additionally, I think she does an incredible job giving insight into the experiences of a biracial woman in America and navigating the complexities of having two different cultures that sometimes feel so central to who she is and at other times so far removed from her. As a later generations European American, I cannot relate to this aspect of her story, but I appreciate her willingness to share with the world her cultures and unique lens as a Korean American.
One of the only negatives I have to say about this book is, although Michelle Zauner is arguably best known for being the lead singer of the band Japanese Breakfast, I felt like she could've (and wished that she would've) spoken more on her life as a famous musician and how that relates to the rest of what was told in this memoir. I respect entirely that this was not a book about that aspect of her life, but I was left at times getting pieces of that and how the events she described impacted her musical career both before and during the height of it but wishing I had been let in more. This is obviously a personal memoir though, and I completely respect that she may not have wanted to make that much of a focus of the book at all and felt that she included what was only necessary to include from that part of her life.
Definitely a well-written book and worthwhile read, particularly for women who have navigated any type of "tough love" motherly relationship, experienced a parent with a terminal illness, or identify as being biracial.
Michelle Zauner does an incredible job telling the story of her complicated relationship with her mother and experience of losing a parent to cancer. She shows immense amounts of vulnerability, bravery, openness, honesty, empathy, and strength throughout this book. While I have not experienced a parent enduring a terminal illness, I have, as many other women have, played the role of the daughter in an equal parts beautiful, equal parts difficult mother-daughter relationship and found myself relating to many of the feelings Zauner described having as a result of navigating such a relationship. It was also so fun to read about the various Korean cuisines Zauner described cooking and eating and the way in which food was a central part of her life, culture, and familial relationships. Additionally, I think she does an incredible job giving insight into the experiences of a biracial woman in America and navigating the complexities of having two different cultures that sometimes feel so central to who she is and at other times so far removed from her. As a later generations European American, I cannot relate to this aspect of her story, but I appreciate her willingness to share with the world her cultures and unique lens as a Korean American.
One of the only negatives I have to say about this book is, although Michelle Zauner is arguably best known for being the lead singer of the band Japanese Breakfast, I felt like she could've (and wished that she would've) spoken more on her life as a famous musician and how that relates to the rest of what was told in this memoir. I respect entirely that this was not a book about that aspect of her life, but I was left at times getting pieces of that and how the events she described impacted her musical career both before and during the height of it but wishing I had been let in more. This is obviously a personal memoir though, and I completely respect that she may not have wanted to make that much of a focus of the book at all and felt that she included what was only necessary to include from that part of her life.
Definitely a well-written book and worthwhile read, particularly for women who have navigated any type of "tough love" motherly relationship, experienced a parent with a terminal illness, or identify as being biracial.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Terminal illness, and Grief
Moderate: Death, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Racism, Toxic relationship, Medical trauma, and Death of parent