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jpremmel's review against another edition
challenging
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
bellalaf's review against another edition
5.0
Wow wow wow. This is such an interesting dive into attachment theory, and then how that relates to polyamory. Anybody could get something out of this book, would definitely recommend.
angievdbroeck's review against another edition
challenging
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
5.0
arye_jay's review against another edition
4.0
Overall, I really loved and enjoyed this book
Polysecure is a monumental tool to have in order to take a look at how you formed attachment as a child and how that informs how your adult relationships look, as well as how to apply that to non-monogamous relationships and navigating them in healthy ways. I'm learning so much about myself by using the advice and questions in this wonderful book, and I'm so grateful that it's a tool that is available to me and so many others. I do have a couple of qualms, however.
I found that it could have given a better explanation of the difference between a secure base and a safe haven, as well as more of a discussion about the intricacies and differences between attachment-based relationships and secure connections.
I aldo found the dismissal of secure attachment in long-distance relationships to be a tad insulting and the implication that we NEED touch to form secure attachment to be misplaced. I had gone through this book delighted to find something so open and encouraging of non-normative relationships, yet Fern chooses to devalue those of us in long-distance relationships, and prefers to think that long-distance partners cannot be securely attached.
Definitely some missteps in what would have otherwise been an enduring resource for non-monogamous & polycurious folks.
Still a wonderfully useful resource, but some things left a bad taste in my mouth.
Polysecure is a monumental tool to have in order to take a look at how you formed attachment as a child and how that informs how your adult relationships look, as well as how to apply that to non-monogamous relationships and navigating them in healthy ways. I'm learning so much about myself by using the advice and questions in this wonderful book, and I'm so grateful that it's a tool that is available to me and so many others. I do have a couple of qualms, however.
I found that it could have given a better explanation of the difference between a secure base and a safe haven, as well as more of a discussion about the intricacies and differences between attachment-based relationships and secure connections.
I aldo found the dismissal of secure attachment in long-distance relationships to be a tad insulting and the implication that we NEED touch to form secure attachment to be misplaced. I had gone through this book delighted to find something so open and encouraging of non-normative relationships, yet Fern chooses to devalue those of us in long-distance relationships, and prefers to think that long-distance partners cannot be securely attached.
Definitely some missteps in what would have otherwise been an enduring resource for non-monogamous & polycurious folks.
Still a wonderfully useful resource, but some things left a bad taste in my mouth.
anjukris's review against another edition
4.0
So, so glad I bought this book! It was not only extremely insightful to a monogamous individual like me, but also helped me empathise with the issues that polyamorous folks face in a predominantly heteronormative, monogamous society. The following quote resonated with me the most, amongst many others - "However, there is a paradox in this process of working with our attachment. Some people might advise you to first create a secure attachment with yourself before you can have secure relationships with others, or they might say that you need to experience secure attachment with others before you can have it with yourself. When we are talking about adults I believe that both can be true."
fluffernutterfriday's review against another edition
adventurous
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.5