trudilibrarian's review against another edition
4.0
This is an important book for any woman who has lost her mother at any age, but especially before she turns twenty. I was lucky enough to have my mom until I was 36. She was only 57 when she died, still way too young, but I can’t imagine having lost her when I was still a child or a teenager. I can’t even bear thinking of it. This book was a very cathartic experience for me in many ways. It taught me that this profound loss isn’t something I get over or around, or something I let go of; rather, it is something I must learn to accommodate into my life, gradually making peace with it. It’s a part of me now, who I am, who I will become. Hope Edelman ends her book with this beautiful passage:
I am fooling myself when I say my mother exists now only in the photographs on my bulletin board or in the outline of my hand or in the armful of memories I still hold tight. She lives beneath everything I do. Her presence influenced who I was, and her absence influences who I am. Our lives are shaped as much by those who leave us as they are by those who stay. Loss is our legacy. Insight is our gift. Memory is our guide.
ashleysager's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
sad
slow-paced
4.75
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death of parent, Death, and Cancer
Moderate: Suicide, Pregnancy, Mental illness, Car accident, and Terminal illness
milesfamky's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
sad
slow-paced
5.0
This book was recommended to me by my therapist. I lost my mom in childhood and this book was very helpful in understanding how it affected my personality and thinking. It helped to see that I was not an odd-ball and many others have shared the experience I did and that it affected them similarly. That said I don't know how helpful this book would be to someone who lost their mother as a fully formed adult or someone who is in the initial stages of loss.
excellent_taste's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
informative
sad
medium-paced
4.5
whiskersoda's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.0
Heads up for lesbian “motherless daughters”. I read the only edition my library had — from 2006. I REALLY hope the section that discusses lesbian experience with mother loss has been updated in subsequent years. There are a scant few instances in which the author mentions lesbians. Maybe 2 or 3 pages. The overall discussion of love, attraction, fathers, etc. was heteronormative and full of odd pseudo-psychological assumptions. Including the homophobic implication that women who seek sexual relationships with other women are simply looking for someone to mother them. As a lesbian, this was deeply alienating and offensive — I put the book down for a few weeks and came back to finish it, trying to forget what I read. It’s a huge shame because the book is so rich and meaningful. Wish the author had interviewed more than one lesbian for her survey. Ironically Adrienne Rich and Virginia Woolf are quoted later in the book…
With that out of the way — I did find this book very helpful in processing the death of my mother. I fully believe the author’s omissions/assumptions were not malicious.
This is a difficult and emotional read, full of personal experiences with grief. Take a few breaks if you need to! The book is definitely geared towards women who lost their mothers at a young age. My mother passed away when I was in my early 20s — but I still found value in the book. I particularly appreciated the last section, “The Female Phoenix.” Lots of inspiring and hopeful stories about growth and life after loss. I can see myself returning to this book in several years. Still trying to make peace with grief but this helped me take a step forward.
gwinzi's review against another edition
5.0
Wow, this is a very insightful book. It focuses on daughters who lose their mothers in childhood, but I think it has a lot of value for any woman who has been through the grief of losing her mother. I first attempted to read it last year, a year after my mother died, but couldn't get through it then. I'm glad I picked it up a second time, two years out from my mother's death.
desirosie's review against another edition
3.0
This book concentrates on women who lose their mothers as children, adolescents, and young(er) adults, so some of it was not directly relevant to me. Nevertheless, it was extremely valuable to read about the experiences of others, and to know that the anguish and devastation I still feel on a daily basis is something that others experience too, and it makes me feel less alone. Sigh.