Reviews tagging 'Incest'

Not That Bad: Dispatches from Rape Culture, by Roxane Gay

10 reviews

actualresultsmayvary's review against another edition

challenging dark fast-paced

2.75

Serious Trigger Warnings for Rape and Sexual Assault 

Spoiler

I really struggled with how to rate this book. It is not one book but a collection of essays by different people, each describing their experiences with rape or sexual assault, some graphically, others discussing the wider impact on their lives.
Like for almost all women this is an issue which impacts me personally and I found it far more triggering that any other media on this topic fiction or non-fiction that I have ever consumed.
The essays were variable in their quality and I think this is a topic which would have been helped by one narrative voice tying them all together, though they were tied together by the theme of not believing your experiences are bad enough to deserve sympathy and I think that is an incredibly relatable feeling.
On balance, I think reading this book was a negative experience for me, although I do believe it is important for people to tell their stories. I hope that some people are able to be helped by reading this book.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Pedophilia, Rape, Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Incest, Sexual assault, and Sexual violence

orlagal's review

challenging dark emotional reflective sad tense fast-paced

4.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Abandonment, Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Alcohol, Alcoholism, Blood, Body horror, Body shaming, Child abuse, Cursing, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Dysphoria, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Gaslighting, Grief, Incest, Infidelity, Misogyny, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Racism, Rape, Medical trauma, Medical content, Mental illness, Physical abuse, Self harm, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual harassment, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Sexual violence, Religious bigotry, Toxic friendship, Toxic relationship, and Violence

franklybookish's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional informative reflective sad fast-paced

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Adult/minor relationship, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual harassment, Child abuse, Emotional abuse, and Incest

Minor: Biphobia, Grief, Adult/minor relationship, Alcoholism, Body shaming, Drug use, Eating disorder, Fatphobia, Gaslighting, Homophobia, Lesbophobia, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, and Pedophilia

lou_o_donnell's review

challenging dark emotional reflective sad tense fast-paced

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Alcohol, Alcoholism, Body horror, Body shaming, Bullying, Child abuse, Child death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Gaslighting, Incest, Mental illness, Misogyny, Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, Pedophilia, Rape, Schizophrenia/Psychosis , Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual harassment, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Suicide attempt, Toxic relationship, and Violence

boswall_books's review

challenging dark emotional sad medium-paced

4.25

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Sexual assault, Self harm, Sexual violence, Sexual content, Sexism, Physical abuse, Emotional abuse, Child abuse, Incest, Misogyny, Rape, Suicidal thoughts, and Toxic relationship

travelseatsreads's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional reflective sad medium-paced

5.0

Raw
Brutal
Unflinching
Haunting
Thought-provoking
Essential Reading

A book like this and it's effects are sometimes too powerful to put into words, let alone sentences. So many aspects of this book are worth mentioning and discussing that it's hard to mention some without all, but some of the theme's which I found were dealt with well and struck me especially hard are below.
• The phrase Not That Bad is looked at throughout the book. How, in some cases we need to minimise our trauma to exercise some level of control over the situation or indeed to to be able to begin to heal. In others, we need to emphasise the trauma in order to get help and to be able to escape from certain environments. What flows beautifully through the book is that in any case of any type of sexual trauma, IT WAS BAD ENOUGH.
• Another recurring theme which is so enduring to victims of sexual trauma is the concept of blame. This is looked at without holding back and many stories talked about the survivor feeling they hadn't done enough to fight back or to prevent it, had drawn it on themselves in some way or that they "let" their abuser continue. Again, this book tries to show that even though those feelings are all too real for survivors, the only people who should carry the blame is the abusers.
• The book also showed an area which is often neglected and that is that sexual trauma occurs across all gender spectrums or sexual orientations and effect all types of individuals. Stories from many members of the LGBTQ+ community were included and showed the horrible inclusivity of rape culture.

Every single story was powerful in it's own right but the ones that really caught me were those by Aubrey Hirsch,  Jill Christman, xTx, Emma Smith-Stevens,Stacey May Fowles, Zoë Medeiros & Anthony Frame. I chose to listen to the audio in which the stories are voiced by their authors which of course added a multitude. 

This is a book everyone needs to read when they feel they are able to. It's not a pleasant read in any way and is the definition of triggering for anyone with any history of sexual trauma but I also think it is in a way healing to hear some of these stories. Every person irrelevant or gender or orientation should read this and come more aware of just how horrific and invasive Rape Culture is.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Biphobia, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Homophobia, Incest, Misogyny, Pedophilia, Rape, Self harm, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Trafficking, Transphobia, and Violence

gabtiffin's review

challenging inspiring reflective fast-paced

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Rape, Adult/minor relationship, Body shaming, Child abuse, Incest, Misogyny, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, and Violence

minimoongoddess's review

emotional reflective sad medium-paced

5.0

when i started this book, i was sure i knew what i was getting myself into, but i was wrong. the stories forced me to confront my own experiences of sexual assault, and it reminded me that it wasn't my fault. it was as bad as it made me feel. it was traumatizing, and it still is not something i was making up/or somehow my fault. each story covered the experiences of the authors--women, men, and non-binary individuals, which was important as it showed that rape and sexual assault are inflicted on many people of different genders and backgrounds--in a way that was unflinchingly clear and honest. this book is a must-read, if you can handle some of the more graphic descriptions. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Rape, Sexual violence, Sexual assault, and Incest

kimmysanders's review

challenging emotional reflective medium-paced

5.0

I tend to avoid books like this, because I suppose I’m yet another product of exactly what these essays address: Nothing that has ever happened to me has ever been that bad, and nothing makes that clearer than reading the experiences of others.

But that’s the point of collections like these. It is that bad. It’s always been that bad. The fact that we have to consistently work to squash and minimize and fit and qualify and hide and compare and contrast and compete just proves it. None of us are unscathed, and I think we know that, but there’s also some measure of weird misplaced safety in believing that it wasn’t that bad.

The two pieces that resounded with me the most in this collection were “The Ways We Are Taught to Be a Girl,” by xTx, and “All the Angry Women,” by Lyz Lenz.

The first details the points we give ourselves for the traumas we’ve faced. How many is enough? How few is still normal? “You could have left but you stayed. You wanted it and he knew. The ways we turn the gun to our own temple.”

The second is a clear portrait of what is left over when religion (or the patriarchy) forgives male abuse but sidelines, buries, stigmatizes female anger. “Jesus is allowed table-flipping rage. We speak of men and their rage as if it is laudable. ‘Men just get mad and punch each other and it’s over,’ we say. ‘Women are just bitches; they never let it go.'” (I am of course aware of the extra threat attached to Black anger – white anger is most easily forgiven, and the layers of unacceptability are deepest for justified Black female rage.)

This collection gives voice to many people with many different experiences. Some are excruciating to read. Some reminded me rather too much of myself. Some may remind you of yourself. And these are not just women’s stories about bad men. These are stories about women, men, families, structures. Whoever you are, whatever your experiences, there is something here of value for you.

Of course, you’re likely going to know if this is a book you should avoid. There are clear descriptions of assault, abuse, rape, and incest in these essays, and if that might retraumatize you, please give this a pass. But if you, like me, just avoid stories like this because the things that happened to you when you were 9, 15, 22, 34, etc. don’t qualify as particularly noteworthy while at the same time you work as hard as possible to forget or trivialize those same incidents, then you’ll likely find something worthwhile here.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Rape, Sexual assault, Sexism, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, and Pedophilia

Moderate: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Incest, Physical abuse, Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, and Toxic relationship

tabitha_isabelle's review

4.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Sexual violence, Violence, Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Incest, Mental illness, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexual assault, and Sexual content