Reviews with content warning for Suicidal thoughts - Notes on an Execution

Five stars for how this novel emphasizes that the serial killer is not special, unique, or extremely evil. He is just a man, and the true loss is in the lives of the women he killed. Five stars for Izzy, Angela, Lila, Jenny, and Saffy.

Total score: 5/5 stars

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augustinedreams's review

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challenging dark emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

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m4rtt4's review against another edition

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dark emotional mysterious reflective tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.75

SO GOOD. I've consumed so much true crime and fictional crime content in my life, but I've never come across anything like this. There was something in this book I can't quite explain — an underlying feeling of fear? Hollowness? Darkness? Sadness? A black hole that's slowly lurking towards you, it spies on you behind a corner, and while you can feel its eyes on your back, your only escape is to try to ignore it. There are no words for how this book made me feel, but if it helps, I devoured like 75% of it in one sitting. I physically wasn't able to tear my eyes away, to let go. Quite like the feelings explored in this book — they are there, silently shaping you, whether or not you actually pay attention to them. Such a spectacular, exceptional story. And most importantly, it focuses on what's more important than the glorified image of the 'American serial killer' and his horrifying acts — what about the victims, their families and the justice they deserve? (In no way am I sympathetic towards Ansel, but this book only made me more against the death penalty. Not that he deserves to beg for his life, but that kind of 'justice' is not the one I want from the justice system.)

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james1star's review against another edition

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dark emotional mysterious reflective sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

This book was phenomenal. I would totally recommend this, like honestly wow. So mentally stimulating, encapsulating, gripping and I just could not put it down - although at the same time I didn’t want it to end and revel in the characters and messages and plot, will definitely be giving this a reread to get more out of it.

The plot: Ansel Packer wakes up on the day he is due to be executed and we follow him (from a 2nd person POV = ‘you’) during this day, his thoughts, plans and recollections from his life. Interspersed between these are 3rd person POVs from three women who’s lives were briefly but fundamentally touched by Ansel; his mother Lavender, a fellow child in the same orphanage who later turns out the be the detective who puts him away for serial murders Saffron (Saffy), and the twin sister of his wife Hazel. We get a glimpse into each of their lives as the narrative unfolds from Ansel’s birth to his death, touching on many things and messages.

The pacing is exceptional. The formatting of the chapters and how the plot unfolds and is pieced together is just wow…Perfection! We get enough detail to see the complexity of each character (and peripheral ones too) with just the right amount of intrigue. Whilst you’re following on and reading each perspective, the lives of these other characters are still in the back of your mind, sometimes being touched on in that specific chapter but normally not so. And then when we get back to them, it just all fits so well together literally amazing. You’re not bored at any point, the detail is just the right amount.

I’m not a thriller reader… like at all. The last I read was ‘Paper Ghosts’ and I despised it so I was a bit apprehensive going into this at the start. By oh my lord was I hooked. Right from the start and as it went along, I got more and more invested - truly the epitome of a page turner. The lives of these characters, plot twists (kinda) and the whole atmosphere is truly encapsulating. At many points it felt like I had a fist in my throat, on the verge of tears and goosebumps all over my body. And the twists and revelations are literally jaw dropping at times. The writing is also beautiful and lyrical at points too, not something you’d expect in a book that discusses the themes it does. Most of the violence I guess happens off the page as well, so it’s not too graphic (I’d say these TWs are moderately mentioned: domestic abuse, violence, death, animal death, murder, sex content, mental illness, and grief) which I appreciated. The messages and discussions about this notion of morality, the big ‘what-ifs’ in life, justice, redemption and the death penalty is just agh great. The nuance and multiple perspectives and arguments is very varied, you really are made to think, examine your own philosophies and thoughts and come up with conclusions on your own. Kukafka doesn’t spell it out or spoon feed what she wants you to think or get out of this book, the reader does the investigating, coming to their own conclusions about the right/wrong things. The MC Ansel is not written in an explicitly sympathetic way which I love, further adding nuance and speculation.

Ansel’s Theory at times was a bit over mentioned but did sound very interesting, touching on the notion of choices and memories impacting who we are - which is a mix of good and evil. “Your Theory is more an exploration of the most inherent human truth. No one is all bad. No one is all good. We live as equals in the murky gray between.” “Memory as the thing that makes us individual, as the thing that separates my human consciousness from yours. I have this idea. This theory; I guess. There is no such thing as good or evil. Instead, we have memory and choice, and we all live at various points on the spectrum between. We are created by what has happened to us, combined with who we choose to be.”

My one reservation with this book: the sex scenes were, in my opinion, unnecessary. Thankfully there was only a few but I would say it cheapened these parts. However, they didn’t drag on and were left aside as the book went on. Certainly not enough to negate the full 5 stars this book deserves.

Some great quotes that stood out to me:

“… the intoxicating unknown that sits always between two people.”

“The elephant has a psychopath smile, alive in one moment, just an impression in the next.” - damp patch on cell ceiling

“It was irresistible: the almost.”

“She cried for the things she had wanted, which she couldn't even picture anymore. It was like she'd held her own desire too long in the palm of her hand and it was now just an object, devoid of meaning, useless and taking up space.”

“I wonder about choices. How we resent them, and how we regret them even as we watch them grow.”

“Thought is the purest thing you can leave behind.”

“Love was a thing that could move you and change you, Saffy knew, a mysterious force that made you different and better and warmer and whole.”

“Joy is a cousin of love, you read once. If you cannot feel love, there is at least this weaker relative, tantalizing in memory.”

“Grief was a hole. A portal to nothing… It was a shock of blinding sun. A burst of remembering: sandals on pavement, a sleepy back seat, nails painted on the bathroom floor. Grief was a loneliness that felt like a planet.”

“It was an ambitious concept, justice. The idea that your lot in life could be based on your own choices.”

“The past was a thing you could open like a box, gaze down on with starry eyes. But it was too dangerous to step inside.”

“The future was a mystery, unknowable.”

“… the good parts of the story are nowhere near the end.”

“It would be a tragedy… if we were defined only by the things we left behind.”

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lindsayerin's review

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challenging dark emotional mysterious sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

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candeegirl's review

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dark emotional reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? N/A
Loveable characters? N/A
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? N/A

4.75

the format of this book was unlike anything I had read in the past. I found myself very much drawn to the characters and how they viewed their lives and the world around them. such unique characters, with such full backstories. it felt like I was reading multiple books, but they still meshed so well together. I do wish it was a bit more dark, but I believe that's just a personal pref- nothing is sugar-coated.

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starrysteph's review

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dark emotional reflective sad slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.0

This is a peculiar, haunting story. We go back and forth between POVs and timelines leading up to the execution of Ansel, a serial killer on death row.

While the story is initiated by a countdown over the course of a day to Ansel's death, most of the novel is told from the perspectives of 3 women connected to his life: his teenage mother who abandoned him, the twin sister to his wife, and the detective (with a personal connection) who ultimately arrests him.

It's a sad story which touches on some uncomfortable topics – the American fascination with serial killers and the attention that is taken away from those killed or left in the wake of the murders, the death penalty, the complexities that turn a person into a killer. From the blurb, Kukafka is "asking readers to consider the false promise of looking for meaning in the psyches of violent men."

While the writing was smooth and thoughtful, I felt a sense of detachment throughout the whole novel. We're meant to focus on those left in Ansel's wake, but never get more than lists and imaginings about most of the victims. We're perhaps not meant to feel sympathetic towards Ansel (some pity, maybe? and not want the death penalty for anyone?), but the story is still very much centered around him. He's just a simplistic "bad guy". Why the heck is every woman he meets in love with him?

Yes, we hear about the trauma of his first four years of life, but (in my opinion) not quite enough to provoke strong sympathy – and he seemed to be treated well during the rest of his childhood. And since there is a clear avoidance of making him the brilliant, manipulative, monster that comes to mind when we think of society's fascination with serial killers, he instead feels ... underdeveloped? We needed more information around his writing and his thoughts. The second person POV detracted from exploring his humanity.

Ultimately it was slow, but interesting. It didn't live up to my expectations, but it sparked some interesting threads of thought for me and I'm glad I read it.

CW: murder, death, grief, domestic abuse, animal cruelty, animal death, child abuse, abandonment, alcoholism, sexual assault

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avidreaderandgeekgirl's review against another edition

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dark emotional reflective sad tense slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.5

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