dmacy's review against another edition
5.0
A necessary book, well worth the read.
Edition Read: 2nd Edition, 1995
The ubiquity of the Love Languages framework speaks to the lasting impact of this book. The assumption can be made that any person who has read, studied, or looked into marriage advice either knows the 5 Love Languages by heart. What has helped the Love Languages framework become so ubiquitous is its practicality and simplicity. It doesn't take much to remember the different Love Languages and put them into use.
That being said, reading the book is still worthwhile, as Chapman explains the Love Languages with greater depth than can be found on informational websites or through other resources. The book is also aided by several stories of actual couples and their struggles to communicate and foster intimacy which help to ground Chapman's theory in the true successes of actual relationships. These stories are relatable and help the reader to see the Love Languages at work. Chapman also expounds on the nuances of the Love Languages that often get glossed over in the mainstream dialog surrounding his work and its place in the marriage advice genre (an example: Chapman's point that each of the Love Languages has a few dialects, or different modes of expressing love in the same Love Language). This nuance adds credibility to his theory and makes this book well worth reading. Highly recommend.
Edition Read: 2nd Edition, 1995
The ubiquity of the Love Languages framework speaks to the lasting impact of this book. The assumption can be made that any person who has read, studied, or looked into marriage advice either knows the 5 Love Languages by heart. What has helped the Love Languages framework become so ubiquitous is its practicality and simplicity. It doesn't take much to remember the different Love Languages and put them into use.
That being said, reading the book is still worthwhile, as Chapman explains the Love Languages with greater depth than can be found on informational websites or through other resources. The book is also aided by several stories of actual couples and their struggles to communicate and foster intimacy which help to ground Chapman's theory in the true successes of actual relationships. These stories are relatable and help the reader to see the Love Languages at work. Chapman also expounds on the nuances of the Love Languages that often get glossed over in the mainstream dialog surrounding his work and its place in the marriage advice genre (an example: Chapman's point that each of the Love Languages has a few dialects, or different modes of expressing love in the same Love Language). This nuance adds credibility to his theory and makes this book well worth reading. Highly recommend.
judeduartesgf's review against another edition
4.0
an interesting read! this is the type of non fiction i enjoy, short simple and easy to read! liked how the book was set out, the lists at the end of each love language chapter, the humour, the examples and references to other media. really enjoyed this!
epiphanylost86's review against another edition
4.0
I started reading this book a few years ago but didn't get very far because... well, life happens. It magically found its way to my desk so I gave it another go. Quick and easy read with good advice to struggling couples. I enjoy books like this written by counselors and therapists that involve stories about their patients' sessions. That’s the psych nerd in me, though.
avora's review
3.0
I have mixed feelings about this book. I liked how Chapman broke down human relationship needs into 5 basic groups and gave advice on how to communicate effectively for each one. I took away some valuable information, considering Will and I have very different primary love languages. Sometimes complex issues need to be broken down into simple terms.
On the other hand, while I was reading I had a sense of growing discomfort. There was some advice I didn't agree with in a couple of chapters:
1. Advocating that the couple fix their marriage when the husband had been cheating. He didn't even want to fix the marriage and only agreed to half-heartedly try AFTER his mistress dumped him and he was unable to reconcile with her. There was no talk of forgiveness or making amends.
2. The Jesus chapter with the woman who asked if you could love someone you hate. After finding out her husband's primary love language was physical, Chapman told her to have sex with her husband even though she didn't want to. He recited bible passages and literally told her that Jesus wanted her to use sex to fix her marriage.
It seemed like it was always the woman who bore the responsibility of saving the marriage. After reading the last Jesus chapter, it became obvious that a lot of the couples/women who come to him are highly religious (and want to avoid divorce at all costs). I know this is a book about making relationships stronger, but it would have been nice if he had admitted that not every relationship is worth saving-a couple of times it seemed like he sugar-coated possibly emotionally abusive situations. At worst, this book could be used as an excuse to stay in a really unhealthy marriage.
On the other hand, while I was reading I had a sense of growing discomfort. There was some advice I didn't agree with in a couple of chapters:
1. Advocating that the couple fix their marriage when the husband had been cheating. He didn't even want to fix the marriage and only agreed to half-heartedly try AFTER his mistress dumped him and he was unable to reconcile with her. There was no talk of forgiveness or making amends.
2. The Jesus chapter with the woman who asked if you could love someone you hate. After finding out her husband's primary love language was physical, Chapman told her to have sex with her husband even though she didn't want to. He recited bible passages and literally told her that Jesus wanted her to use sex to fix her marriage.
It seemed like it was always the woman who bore the responsibility of saving the marriage. After reading the last Jesus chapter, it became obvious that a lot of the couples/women who come to him are highly religious (and want to avoid divorce at all costs). I know this is a book about making relationships stronger, but it would have been nice if he had admitted that not every relationship is worth saving-a couple of times it seemed like he sugar-coated possibly emotionally abusive situations. At worst, this book could be used as an excuse to stay in a really unhealthy marriage.
desi728's review
challenging
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
3.5
Very religious and aimed for straight couples. Good advice overall.
dashius's review against another edition
1.0
This book is worse than bad, because it is full of half-truths that make it harder to notice the BS. It makes some valid points about learning to communicate with your partner better, but then it sneakily promotes toxic and harmful advice. "Allowing oneself to be used or manipulated by another is not an act of love. It is, in fact, an act of treason. You are allowing him or her to develop inhumane habits. Love says, "I love you too much to let you treat me this way". Oh, so your partner is using and manipulating you but YOU are the one who commits treason and who is responsible for their inhumane habits. Alright. The final chapter about a woman who admits that she hates her husband, and that he hates and mistreats her, is just maddening. The author's advice? Stay in this marriage (because you're a christian and divorce is wrong), ignore your pain, start doing everything your partner wants (including forcing yourself to have sex with him) and hope that you will magically have a great marriage. The author's cheesy and narcissistic style is extremely annoying. Also: too much Jesus.