mxcalliope's review against another edition
2.75
It is certainly an interesting book and what it's trying to say is thought provoking but on the other hand the idea that a family who has hurt you is also the key to end your suffering and live a happy life isn't something I think I can incorporate into my life as someone with a bad family I don't talk to and have very little contact with. But perhaps I'm just not the target audience and someone else will find it helpful.
jaded_views's review against another edition
2.0
I started this book as I work in a trauma center, and I try to explore ways different ways that I can help clients process their trauma and possible generational trauma.
I enjoyed the idea of core statements and exploring where those thoughts came from. You might not feel anxiety about losing someone because of your experiences; you experience this because you inherited trauma from someone who had experienced a loss. In a healthy family dynamic, it would be easier to explore and possibly heal this trauma.
However, if the client is no longer speaking with a family member or multiple family members, the trauma may be harder to resolve. This author pushes for reconnection to family in order to understand more about yourself and your feelings. That is not always possible. This could cause more trauma than healing.
Overall, this book would be helpful in connected family dynamics. If you are disconnected from your family, this is not the book for you.
I enjoyed the idea of core statements and exploring where those thoughts came from. You might not feel anxiety about losing someone because of your experiences; you experience this because you inherited trauma from someone who had experienced a loss. In a healthy family dynamic, it would be easier to explore and possibly heal this trauma.
However, if the client is no longer speaking with a family member or multiple family members, the trauma may be harder to resolve. This author pushes for reconnection to family in order to understand more about yourself and your feelings. That is not always possible. This could cause more trauma than healing.
Overall, this book would be helpful in connected family dynamics. If you are disconnected from your family, this is not the book for you.
fangirlsread's review against another edition
2.5
I picked this up because I'm interested in epigenetics and what I've heard so far about the Holocaust descendent studies. However, a main aspect of his thesis is that individuals may not have a source of their own trauma/issue, and instead it can be inherited from a previous family member. For example, a grandfather who was a fascist in the Mussolini government and managed to escape trial and therefore punishment, his grandson then has the urge to commit suicide by cop, and until he unpacks this family history, he will feel this compulsive urge to die (a client example from the book). Wolynn discusses how we can identify with past family members (or their victims or abusers), and while I definitely believe that family trauma and history influences how we relate to others and ourselves, the idea that because your great aunt accidentally smothered her baby by rolling over is the reason you don't want to get married because you fear your own sexuality and the resulting baby you might kill... doesn't seem as persuasive to me (another example from the book, though it may have been a grandmother for that client than great aunt).
I do really like what Wolynn has to say about core language and core sentences, and I think exploring and excavating that information is really helpful and important for everyone. I also loved the phrase "turn your ghosts into ancestors." And I am glad that his clients found peace through working with him, however I'm not sold on how statistically significant it is that the things that plague us are rooted in a single trauma that belongs to a relative. I think it can be incredibly helpful to know that you are not the only one in the family who has struggled this way, but the way Wolynn presents several client stories, it seems as if until the family history is unpacked, the client has no idea where these feelings/urges come from, and as soon as the connection is made, it's practically like a switch is flipped (and I'm glad that these clients made such rapid progress, but the overarching thesis that an individual is living out the sins/trauma of a previously unknown family member has not convinced me).
Also - while it's not explicit, Wolynn does mention abortion several times in the book, and each time he seems to indicate that a woman getting an abortion will always be a trauma and will always cause pain to not only that individual, but potentially any familial descendants, not just any children they may have but nieces and nephews as well.
I'm not sure how much of my view of this book was colored by the introduction (in which Wolynn discusses his own multi-year journey to find gurus to help restore his waning eyesight), but it did set the book up to be less scientific than I would have anticipated from a psychology book on trauma. Wolynn also centers forgiveness and reconciliation above everything else, especially with parents. While it's not uncommon in therapy to acknowledge and understand how the people in your life are showing you they love you, Wolynn multiple times coaches his clients to say "you gave me enough love" or to have radical, complete acceptance of how an individual was treated. While I do agree that understanding how trauma shaped our family members, and understanding how that may limit their ability to be present, Wolynn seems to coach his clients to have this full acceptance and forgiveness, which I'm not sure is right for everyone, especially people who have been abused and neglected by parents. I think acceptance and peace is a good goal, but Wolynn seems to indicate and argue that only absolute forgiveness and reconciliation can bring peace.
I do really like what Wolynn has to say about core language and core sentences, and I think exploring and excavating that information is really helpful and important for everyone. I also loved the phrase "turn your ghosts into ancestors." And I am glad that his clients found peace through working with him, however I'm not sold on how statistically significant it is that the things that plague us are rooted in a single trauma that belongs to a relative. I think it can be incredibly helpful to know that you are not the only one in the family who has struggled this way, but the way Wolynn presents several client stories, it seems as if until the family history is unpacked, the client has no idea where these feelings/urges come from, and as soon as the connection is made, it's practically like a switch is flipped (and I'm glad that these clients made such rapid progress, but the overarching thesis that an individual is living out the sins/trauma of a previously unknown family member has not convinced me).
Also - while it's not explicit, Wolynn does mention abortion several times in the book, and each time he seems to indicate that a woman getting an abortion will always be a trauma and will always cause pain to not only that individual, but potentially any familial descendants, not just any children they may have but nieces and nephews as well.
I'm not sure how much of my view of this book was colored by the introduction (in which Wolynn discusses his own multi-year journey to find gurus to help restore his waning eyesight), but it did set the book up to be less scientific than I would have anticipated from a psychology book on trauma. Wolynn also centers forgiveness and reconciliation above everything else, especially with parents. While it's not uncommon in therapy to acknowledge and understand how the people in your life are showing you they love you, Wolynn multiple times coaches his clients to say "you gave me enough love" or to have radical, complete acceptance of how an individual was treated. While I do agree that understanding how trauma shaped our family members, and understanding how that may limit their ability to be present, Wolynn seems to coach his clients to have this full acceptance and forgiveness, which I'm not sure is right for everyone, especially people who have been abused and neglected by parents. I think acceptance and peace is a good goal, but Wolynn seems to indicate and argue that only absolute forgiveness and reconciliation can bring peace.
saranorton's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.0