kate_can's review against another edition
challenging
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
3.75
We’ve all heard the expression, “it’s good to talk’. Yes, but how much, and to whom? Echo chambers can encourage us to wallow in misery, victimhood, or self-righteousness. Communication can help with our problems, however, by allowing us to distance ourselves from them and seeking practical assistance. We spend a lot of our time mentally time-travelling, remembering the future or projecting into the past, all of which can be useful as long as we don’t dwell on the negativity or foreshadow anxious situations. Ethan Kross examines the voice, or voices, in our head, and offers suggestions about which internal monologue and external advisors we should heed.
Talking to others and sharing events can be helpful. It can ‘normalise’ an experience and help a person appreciate that they are not alone. But Kross cautions that we use this sharing function with care and choose the people to whom we discuss issues on a strategic basis. If we rant at our friends about ourselves all the time, they will become disillusioned and uninterested, and feel they have not been heard or supported.
It is important to be able to share, and our support networks are crucial, but if we overshare, not only are we likely to annoy others, we can get caught in a self-destructive feedback loop, especially if we choose the ‘wrong’ people. “Other people can be a tremendous asset, but more often than we realise, they can be a liability too.” While talking about adverse events, we can focus more on the need to repeat and be heard than the need to address the issue and move on.
This process is called co-rumination in which we seek validation from others and it is harmful because, “when we’re upset, we tend to overfocus on receiving empathy rather than finding practical solutions.” While this may briefly feel good, it isn’t useful in the long-term. Naturally, this creates a vicious cycle and one in which it is easy to get stuck. And nowhere does this have greater effect than on social media, which has given us a much wider audience.
One of the ways we can manage these emotions and internal voices is to distance ourselves from them through mental time travel or the simple technique of journaling. Asking people to write about their most upsetting negative experiences for fifteen to twenty minutes leads them to feel better, visit the doctor less, and have healthier immune function. “By focusing on experiences from the perspective of a narrator who has to create a story, journaling creates distance from our experience. We feel less tied to it.”
Mental, physical and emotional welfare can be improved by simply getting out into nature. As well as the health benefits of fresh air and exercise, this is also due to experiencing the phenomenon of awe: “the wonder we feel when we encounter something powerful that we can’t easily explain.” It can be instigated by viewing a sunset or a mountain range and it is considered a self-transcendent emotion in that it allows people to think and feel beyond their own needs and wants.
Marie Kondo fans would be pleased to hear Kross state that imposing order on our environment can help reduce anxiety by getting rid of clutter. “The fascinating thing about seeking compensation for chaos in one area (that is, our minds) by creating order in another (that is, the physical environment) is that it doesn’t even have to have anything to do with the specific issue that is throwing off our inner voice.” It’s a relatively easy thing to tidy a desk, and it can have a highly positive result. Imposing order on situations is the function of rituals, which have a crucial underlying purpose. They reiterate the values of our community and help us to transcend our own concerns, connecting us with forces larger than ourselves.
Distancing is a great tool for normalising challenges, connecting with others and minimising predicaments in our mind. Kross includes a toolkit at the end of the book with practical suggestions on how to give and receive chatter support, from techniques you can implement on your own to those that involve other people. All of these are valuable for those who are overwhelmed by the voices in their head or for those who wish to understand how it affects those who are. For this particular problem, this is a highly recommended self-help book.
v_elke's review against another edition
informative
medium-paced
4.0
This very much feels like a must-read for people who tend to be in their heads quite a bit and are prone to overthinking certain situations. I definitely - often - fall into that category. While this book provided some tools that I feel like I already (try to) apply, there were also quite a lot of new insights and things I definitely want to try and do next time I'm stuck in a cycle of rumination.
The book is written in an easy, accessible way - the results of the research alternated with clear examples and stories of people who've been through the tools (sometimes without even knowing it). I also love how the tools are summarised briefly again at the end of the book, so you can go back to them easily when you need them without having to read the whole book all over again.
Would definitely recommend for everyone who'd like to learn more about the workings of our minds and effective ways to deal with overthinking.
The book is written in an easy, accessible way - the results of the research alternated with clear examples and stories of people who've been through the tools (sometimes without even knowing it). I also love how the tools are summarised briefly again at the end of the book, so you can go back to them easily when you need them without having to read the whole book all over again.
Would definitely recommend for everyone who'd like to learn more about the workings of our minds and effective ways to deal with overthinking.
caterina_1212's review against another edition
Not very helpful, not anything I haven't heard before. Skipped to The Tools chapter per recommendations from other reviews. Don't recommend the superstitions/ ritual recommendation.
amberlee_etc's review against another edition
5.0
I read this, like I’m sure a majority of readers have, to find tools for dealing with my own inner voice when it’s spirally out of control. The data and the tools offered in this book 100% satisfies that.
Also, I want to mention the two seemingly unrelated questions this book provided answers to:
1. Why people believe in conspiracy theories and
2. Why doing a care task without being asked helps the inner voice of our loved one.
I highly recommend everyone checking this book out.
Also, I want to mention the two seemingly unrelated questions this book provided answers to:
1. Why people believe in conspiracy theories and
2. Why doing a care task without being asked helps the inner voice of our loved one.
I highly recommend everyone checking this book out.
emeraldjulep's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
This book focuses on the way we talk to ourselves, both in negative and positive ways. I found it interesting and informative. There are many tools included to help manage the negative voice that can spin us when we’re under stress.
Listened to audible version.
Narrator/author’s voice is soothing and made for easy listening.
Listened to audible version.
Narrator/author’s voice is soothing and made for easy listening.
lsoccer12's review against another edition
5.0
Practical advice and research-supported observations provided by an author not afraid to ask questions and learn from his own mistakes and experiences.
A engaging book about the power of the conversations we have with ourselves and how to make our inner voice work for us, not against us.
Highly recommend!
A engaging book about the power of the conversations we have with ourselves and how to make our inner voice work for us, not against us.
Highly recommend!
multilingual_s's review against another edition
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
3.75
While this was an easy and informative read, some of the techniques suggested didn't sit well with me. My qualms are specifically about 'sharing distress but not too much' (what does too much even mean? How is this different from bottling up emotions?) and 'prividing invisible help to others in distress ' (all examples seem kind of backhanded and belittling to the person in distress and I'd probably prefer honesty over that). But the other suggestions made more sense.