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projectmarley's review against another edition
Felt like it was the same three points repeated with slightly different wording, could t actually motivate myself to do any of the exercises past the first one or two
emi_dilli's review against another edition
2.0
Phoenix’s writing feels like a transcribed podcast composed of therapy notes and their own journaling; the book is therefore very self-referential.
Phoenix provides a number of helpful paragraphs that attempt to pick apart how trauma and anxiety affect adult relationships. Phoenix also touches on some elements of intersectionality, although only on a surface level. I wish Phoenix had drawn on other writers’ extensive work on love and attachment (Audre Lorde, bell hooks, even Bowlby?).
Content-wise, the book is mostly reassuring. Style-wise, the sentences meander, change subject, and misuse punctuation. You have to re-read and re-read to understand what is being said. Phoenix could have done with a better editor, half their word count, and about 500 more full stops.
Here is an example: “Although you're non-monogamous when you decide that that is the style of relationship that you want to have, when you actually put these concepts into practice, you're beginning to call your own bluff.“ (p129). I still don’t understand what this sentence is trying to say.
Useful sections exist, but the writing lacked the depth and rigour of scientific argument. Phoenix is attempting to reassure anxious people prone to self-doubt; however, I find the best anti-self-gaslighting tool is indisputably well-researched evidence and data. Phoenix’s writing is little more than vague memoir.
I realise I have grown used to self-help books that are packed with studies, statistics, and useful analogies. I enjoy writers who reference a plethora of experts and other writers (Shon Faye, Angela Chen, Rafia Zakaria, Katherine Angel).
Phoenix’s ideas are good, but their style lacks humour and rhetoric. Their style is certainly better suited to podcasting.
Phoenix provides a number of helpful paragraphs that attempt to pick apart how trauma and anxiety affect adult relationships. Phoenix also touches on some elements of intersectionality, although only on a surface level. I wish Phoenix had drawn on other writers’ extensive work on love and attachment (Audre Lorde, bell hooks, even Bowlby?).
Content-wise, the book is mostly reassuring. Style-wise, the sentences meander, change subject, and misuse punctuation. You have to re-read and re-read to understand what is being said. Phoenix could have done with a better editor, half their word count, and about 500 more full stops.
Here is an example: “Although you're non-monogamous when you decide that that is the style of relationship that you want to have, when you actually put these concepts into practice, you're beginning to call your own bluff.“ (p129). I still don’t understand what this sentence is trying to say.
Useful sections exist, but the writing lacked the depth and rigour of scientific argument. Phoenix is attempting to reassure anxious people prone to self-doubt; however, I find the best anti-self-gaslighting tool is indisputably well-researched evidence and data. Phoenix’s writing is little more than vague memoir.
I realise I have grown used to self-help books that are packed with studies, statistics, and useful analogies. I enjoy writers who reference a plethora of experts and other writers (Shon Faye, Angela Chen, Rafia Zakaria, Katherine Angel).
Phoenix’s ideas are good, but their style lacks humour and rhetoric. Their style is certainly better suited to podcasting.
epatrickmaddox's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.25
elmo_isnotmyname's review against another edition
challenging
informative
reflective
The relationship advice in here can also benefit people in monogamous relationships.
Here anxiety and jealousy are not silenced in order to 'fulfill a perfect ideal of polyamory'.
The book deflects the notion that polyamours wouldn't need to take responsibility for their partners.
I especially liked how this is gathering a lot of popular advice given on polyamory and in parts dissecting it.
Here anxiety and jealousy are not silenced in order to 'fulfill a perfect ideal of polyamory'.
The book deflects the notion that polyamours wouldn't need to take responsibility for their partners.
I especially liked how this is gathering a lot of popular advice given on polyamory and in parts dissecting it.
beesbumblebooks's review against another edition
3.75
I liked the way this book was written a lot. It had short chapters with clear themes. My copy has a bunch of post-its sticking to the pages because it had so many parts that spoke to.me and reflected my experience with wanting polyamory (for years) but panicking completely when it happened. Since one of my biggest concerns is not really being polyamorous because I'm so scared and so changed in behaviour in general, this book gave me a lot of safety that my anxiety is getting the best of me and I can find ways to work through it. Lola has a way to seem very close and calls out any kind of privilege and poly-bragging.
While I really liked the shortness of the chapters, some contents to me seemed a bit rushed or would habe wished for examples or longer explanations. Of course I can do further reading, but some passages felt like they lit a spark in me but could have used just a few more words to light a little fire of an aha-moment. Also I felt very glad the author included personal experiences, but sometimes felt that those descriptions took some circles and repition towards the end of the book. While individial insights are helpful, when it piled a bit more I felt like it was too personal to serve me.
I think this book really was a helpful guide for me, in a way no other books before were. I am greatful and look towards change while being anxious with more hope.
While I really liked the shortness of the chapters, some contents to me seemed a bit rushed or would habe wished for examples or longer explanations. Of course I can do further reading, but some passages felt like they lit a spark in me but could have used just a few more words to light a little fire of an aha-moment. Also I felt very glad the author included personal experiences, but sometimes felt that those descriptions took some circles and repition towards the end of the book. While individial insights are helpful, when it piled a bit more I felt like it was too personal to serve me.
I think this book really was a helpful guide for me, in a way no other books before were. I am greatful and look towards change while being anxious with more hope.
wynplus1's review against another edition
informative
reflective
medium-paced
3.5
I enjoyed reading a polyamory book from the perceptive of someone who's asexual, disabled, and traumatized!
katmeowcentee's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.5