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elisa_pretty's review
5.0
I loved this book (and lately I didn’t like self-help books that much).
This one was an easy and enlightening read for me. I loved the way she writes, as well as the way she tried to empower us in setting boundaries and respect ourselves. I found myself in few situations and I feel more happy an confident in what I believe, who I am, and what I want in life! As I always believe, life is one and our to own, no one else can design our path or try. If someone really love us and accept us, they have to do it respecting also our choices and boundaries, otherwise I don’t need you in my life.
The book covers aspects of how sometimes we are controlled by others without noticing it or without paying attention to it and how to take back that control without malice. Because we come first and we need to be happy! If someone is not ok with our boundaries and they feel hurt somehow by that, it’s their problem to deal with, not ours.
And sometimes is ok to readjust our boundaries and with that our relationship with some people.
We are all human, we all change, and it’s ok to loose people on the way that no longer align with our way to live, think, and are, especially if they don’t respect out person.
One of the best quotes in the book, which sums up Dr Ray’s argument, is by Behavioural Scientist Steve Maraboli, which states “If you’re offended by my boundaries, then you’re probably one of the reasons I need them.”
Setting Boundaries is, in my personal opinion, one of the most useful and important self-help books on the market. While the focus of self-improvement is often on how to recognise one’s own failings, Dr Ray has flipped the argument to focus on how we liaise with the negative external influences on our life. It’s a lesson in empathy and communication as much as it’s a lesson in being assertive.
I really want to read other books from her now!
Thanks
This one was an easy and enlightening read for me. I loved the way she writes, as well as the way she tried to empower us in setting boundaries and respect ourselves. I found myself in few situations and I feel more happy an confident in what I believe, who I am, and what I want in life! As I always believe, life is one and our to own, no one else can design our path or try. If someone really love us and accept us, they have to do it respecting also our choices and boundaries, otherwise I don’t need you in my life.
The book covers aspects of how sometimes we are controlled by others without noticing it or without paying attention to it and how to take back that control without malice. Because we come first and we need to be happy! If someone is not ok with our boundaries and they feel hurt somehow by that, it’s their problem to deal with, not ours.
And sometimes is ok to readjust our boundaries and with that our relationship with some people.
We are all human, we all change, and it’s ok to loose people on the way that no longer align with our way to live, think, and are, especially if they don’t respect out person.
One of the best quotes in the book, which sums up Dr Ray’s argument, is by Behavioural Scientist Steve Maraboli, which states “If you’re offended by my boundaries, then you’re probably one of the reasons I need them.”
Setting Boundaries is, in my personal opinion, one of the most useful and important self-help books on the market. While the focus of self-improvement is often on how to recognise one’s own failings, Dr Ray has flipped the argument to focus on how we liaise with the negative external influences on our life. It’s a lesson in empathy and communication as much as it’s a lesson in being assertive.
I really want to read other books from her now!
Thanks
sami_leigh's review against another edition
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
5.0
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟/5
• Applicable, evidence-based strategies for establishing and managing boundaries , and recognising unhealthy habits/patterns of thinking
• De-identified examples given, making the content relatable
• Sets you up for a growth mindset; and the understanding that continuous growth is the goal
• Processes and mantras are easily applicable to real life situations.
• ‘Protection selves’ were a game changer for me. Also, ‘fight, flight, freeze, fawn’ response.
I listened to the audiobook, revisiting each chapter to highlight and take notes. I attempted to apply strategies as I went, pausing reading sporadically to not be overwhelmed with too much information. This meant reading the book entirely took 8 months.
• Applicable, evidence-based strategies for establishing and managing boundaries , and recognising unhealthy habits/patterns of thinking
• De-identified examples given, making the content relatable
• Sets you up for a growth mindset; and the understanding that continuous growth is the goal
• Processes and mantras are easily applicable to real life situations.
• ‘Protection selves’ were a game changer for me. Also, ‘fight, flight, freeze, fawn’ response.
I listened to the audiobook, revisiting each chapter to highlight and take notes. I attempted to apply strategies as I went, pausing reading sporadically to not be overwhelmed with too much information. This meant reading the book entirely took 8 months.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Toxic relationship, Gaslighting, and Toxic friendship
Moderate: Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, and Abandonment
ominousevent's review against another edition
I was impressed by how much value I found in this book. There are some parts that suffer from the audio format - lists and tables that would work perfectly in text, but get repetitive and hard to sustain focus on when read aloud - but the author (reading her own work) comes across as very warm and genuine, and very ready to laugh about shared human foibles.
I particularly liked Ray's very non-judgmental, collaborative approach to suggesting behaviour change. My favourite example: "instead of doing X, I invite you to practice doing Y". A beautifully non-threatening way to introduce options to readers who might well be experiencing a lot of fear and resistance to change.
Lots of food for thought here, and despite not being big on re-reading books I may well revisit this in the future.
I will just note that I found several of Ray's comments in the section on communication (passive, passive-aggressive, aggressive, and assertive) oddly lacking consideration of neurodiversity, despite other sections of the book explicitly acknowledging it. Many of the criteria and descriptions mention "appropriate" nonverbal responses, eye contact, etc, in a way that feels very prescriptive.
I particularly liked Ray's very non-judgmental, collaborative approach to suggesting behaviour change. My favourite example: "instead of doing X, I invite you to practice doing Y". A beautifully non-threatening way to introduce options to readers who might well be experiencing a lot of fear and resistance to change.
Lots of food for thought here, and despite not being big on re-reading books I may well revisit this in the future.
I will just note that I found several of Ray's comments in the section on communication (passive, passive-aggressive, aggressive, and assertive) oddly lacking consideration of neurodiversity, despite other sections of the book explicitly acknowledging it. Many of the criteria and descriptions mention "appropriate" nonverbal responses, eye contact, etc, in a way that feels very prescriptive.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Ableism