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kp_khera's review against another edition
4.0
This was a book that grabbed my attention and didn’t let go until I was done.
It’s a story about a guy who made a mistake. A mistake that he has to live with for the rest of his life. By not minimizing the guilt and consequences that entails, Bell has written a book that’s a bit more than just a redemption/romance story.
Parole. For Church to finally be allowed to enter the outside world, he needs to live with someone who can be deemed prosocial. This is where Miller comes in, who Church is reluctant to call due to an Incident that will become clear (but is already obvious) once you read the book. He needs to find a job, and stay away from bad influences. He also needs to control his feelings when it comes to Miller.
He needs to do all of that while taking a handle of his anger management issues. Something he struggles with but fights to keep in check.
Church was a character I started rooting for from the first scene. Not because that’s the scene where he beats someone up so badly that they might have died, but it’s because he didn’t walk away after. It would have been so easy for him to just walk away, let the guy die and get away (probably get caught later but still). He didn’t do that, though, and because he didn’t the guy was saved. Perhaps “didn’t die” is a better description.
A large part of the relationship development within this book is build up. It was clear that these two would end up together, it just took a lot for Miller to finally start to realize that maybe he wasn’t so straight after all. At times, it felt like pulling teeth reading Miller convincing himself into believing that he wasn’t gay. At times it was comedic. At times ridiculous. More often that not maddening, because it chipped away at Church time and again. I honestly just wanted Church to take a trash bag, put his belongings in there and leave. He didn’t, and the way Miller acts when even the possibility of hurting Church or losing him is put in front of him makes me warm up to him as well. In Church's words, that time
Don’t get me wrong, these two together works. When Miller isn’t completely in denial, and when Church’s other head decides to take a break, it’s nice to see the influence they have on one another. Church who’s already head over heels in love, and how Miller realizes his feelings, mislabels them and then relabels them.
In this book, we see some scenes of Church’s stay in the center. These scenes introduced us to Tobias and Ghost. Honestly, I was more interested in these two. Because although we get hints, we don't get to know enough about them.
Ghost in particular. I know that the next book has to be about him, and that’s what the author was doing was in part setting us up for whatever the hell she decides to do there. Even though I knew that I wouldn’t get to know more, I still hoped I would.
I want to know what Ghost’s deal is, what he’s gone through and have him either find a happy ending with Tobias or just as likely break Tobias’ heart (because that means there’ll be a third book where Tobias will find love). The cloak of mystery surrounding this whole situation, captures the attention even more. My need to understand what was going on there, in part clouded some of Church and Miller's relationship shine.
While all of this is going on, there are dealings with sort-of-but-not-really Mob Bosses, drug dealers, and a mystery attacker. These various plot points weave through the story and each play their own important part. All leading up to the inevitable confrontation, giving it a film-like structure. I was just more interested in the relationship development between Church and Miller, Tobias and Ghost, and what Mama has in mind for Ghost.
Overall, this was a great read and I recommend giving it a shot if you’re looking for something a bit more substantial than what you’d typically come across in the M/M genre.
I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review
Reviewed by Kudrat from Alpha Book Club
It’s a story about a guy who made a mistake. A mistake that he has to live with for the rest of his life. By not minimizing the guilt and consequences that entails, Bell has written a book that’s a bit more than just a redemption/romance story.
“It was progress he supposed, to make himself live in the pain instead of getting pissed off about it. Progress felt like shit”.
Parole. For Church to finally be allowed to enter the outside world, he needs to live with someone who can be deemed prosocial. This is where Miller comes in, who Church is reluctant to call due to an Incident that will become clear (but is already obvious) once you read the book. He needs to find a job, and stay away from bad influences. He also needs to control his feelings when it comes to Miller.
He needs to do all of that while taking a handle of his anger management issues. Something he struggles with but fights to keep in check.
“I’ve never seen anyone try so hard to be a good man”
Church was a character I started rooting for from the first scene. Not because that’s the scene where he beats someone up so badly that they might have died, but it’s because he didn’t walk away after. It would have been so easy for him to just walk away, let the guy die and get away (probably get caught later but still). He didn’t do that, though, and because he didn’t the guy was saved. Perhaps “didn’t die” is a better description.
“You’re a work in progress, just like me,” Miller added. “You can do this”.
A large part of the relationship development within this book is build up. It was clear that these two would end up together, it just took a lot for Miller to finally start to realize that maybe he wasn’t so straight after all. At times, it felt like pulling teeth reading Miller convincing himself into believing that he wasn’t gay. At times it was comedic. At times ridiculous. More often that not maddening, because it chipped away at Church time and again. I honestly just wanted Church to take a trash bag, put his belongings in there and leave. He didn’t, and the way Miller acts when even the possibility of hurting Church or losing him is put in front of him makes me warm up to him as well. In Church's words, that time
“when Church messed around with a man whose sexual acceptance was like a comet with a corkscrew bit, only visible from Earth every now and then”
Don’t get me wrong, these two together works. When Miller isn’t completely in denial, and when Church’s other head decides to take a break, it’s nice to see the influence they have on one another. Church who’s already head over heels in love, and how Miller realizes his feelings, mislabels them and then relabels them.
In this book, we see some scenes of Church’s stay in the center. These scenes introduced us to Tobias and Ghost. Honestly, I was more interested in these two. Because although we get hints, we don't get to know enough about them.
“Tobias was a unicorn in human form”
Ghost in particular. I know that the next book has to be about him, and that’s what the author was doing was in part setting us up for whatever the hell she decides to do there. Even though I knew that I wouldn’t get to know more, I still hoped I would.
I want to know what Ghost’s deal is, what he’s gone through and have him either find a happy ending with Tobias or just as likely break Tobias’ heart (because that means there’ll be a third book where Tobias will find love). The cloak of mystery surrounding this whole situation, captures the attention even more. My need to understand what was going on there, in part clouded some of Church and Miller's relationship shine.
While all of this is going on, there are dealings with sort-of-but-not-really Mob Bosses, drug dealers, and a mystery attacker. These various plot points weave through the story and each play their own important part. All leading up to the inevitable confrontation, giving it a film-like structure. I was just more interested in the relationship development between Church and Miller, Tobias and Ghost, and what Mama has in mind for Ghost.
Overall, this was a great read and I recommend giving it a shot if you’re looking for something a bit more substantial than what you’d typically come across in the M/M genre.
I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review
Reviewed by Kudrat from Alpha Book Club
intheend's review against another edition
DNF @ 4%
I read the blurb but there was no mention of age gap. I got the sense that Miller was older as I was reading so I read some reviews and it turns out he is. I don't read age gap so this is a DNF for me.
I read the blurb but there was no mention of age gap. I got the sense that Miller was older as I was reading so I read some reviews and it turns out he is. I don't read age gap so this is a DNF for me.
annaeli's review against another edition
adventurous
dark
emotional
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
3.75
elle_mich's review against another edition
5.0
holy cow i cannot believe how stunning this book is. wow.
syvrina's review against another edition
emotional
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5
becka6131's review against another edition
5.0
ELMO FIRE GIF
This is so exactly my shit that it could have been grown in a lab for me. A+, would suffer again
This is so exactly my shit that it could have been grown in a lab for me. A+, would suffer again
haletostilinski1's review against another edition
5.0
4.5 stars
This was really good! So many times I was basically forced to put it down (work, school, sleep, etc,) and I REALLY didn't want to. Most of the book had me going "but I don't want to put it down, I want to keep reading until the end!"
I do feel that this was kinda light on the steam, and that while the chemistry was good between Miller and Church, that because Miller was SO resistant to them, almost throughout the whole book, because of his internal homophobia, it felt like the chemistry was less than it could have been. Because Miller held back, it felt like the writing was holding back too. Don't get me wrong, there were a few really hot sex scenes...but when Miller was uncomfortable, I felt uncomfortable, and even as he enjoyed the sex, there was still always a line or part of Miller's internal dialogue that was STILL uncomfortable with it at the same time, so it lowered the chemistry and steam for me at times.
Still, this book was engaging, the characters intriguing and complex (I REALLy want the book for Ghost. I think Ghost might have been my favorite character in this book, even though he was secondary - and kinda scary at times. But that just makes me want to see him find love all the more.) and never one sided or one dimensional. Making me both frustrated and happy with Church and Miller at times made me love the writing even more (as well as with Shelby, who I ultimately loved but who had her moments of "really???" from me) and the story.
Ultimately I get why Miller was so resistant, why he was so scared, but that didn't make my frustration with him go away, even as I understood him. Same with Church, when Church blamed everything on himself -- I get WHY, with what his father did to him, how he was abused -- but that didn't make not frustrated when he thought it was all his fault when he was really just at the wrong place at the wrong time.
These were two very flawed and very real men, who were ultimately good men, who made bad decisions sometimes and said stupid things - but ultimately wanted to do the right thing and help others.
Low on steam this may have been for me, but I still loved Miller and Church together, their connection, their bond, how they fell in love.
Definitely enjoyed this book a lot, and can't wait for the next in the series :D
This was really good! So many times I was basically forced to put it down (work, school, sleep, etc,) and I REALLY didn't want to. Most of the book had me going "but I don't want to put it down, I want to keep reading until the end!"
I do feel that this was kinda light on the steam, and that while the chemistry was good between Miller and Church, that because Miller was SO resistant to them, almost throughout the whole book, because of his internal homophobia, it felt like the chemistry was less than it could have been. Because Miller held back, it felt like the writing was holding back too. Don't get me wrong, there were a few really hot sex scenes...but when Miller was uncomfortable, I felt uncomfortable, and even as he enjoyed the sex, there was still always a line or part of Miller's internal dialogue that was STILL uncomfortable with it at the same time, so it lowered the chemistry and steam for me at times.
Still, this book was engaging, the characters intriguing and complex (I REALLy want the book for Ghost. I think Ghost might have been my favorite character in this book, even though he was secondary - and kinda scary at times. But that just makes me want to see him find love all the more.) and never one sided or one dimensional. Making me both frustrated and happy with Church and Miller at times made me love the writing even more (as well as with Shelby, who I ultimately loved but who had her moments of "really???" from me) and the story.
Ultimately I get why Miller was so resistant, why he was so scared, but that didn't make my frustration with him go away, even as I understood him. Same with Church, when Church blamed everything on himself -- I get WHY, with what his father did to him, how he was abused -- but that didn't make not frustrated when he thought it was all his fault when he was really just at the wrong place at the wrong time.
These were two very flawed and very real men, who were ultimately good men, who made bad decisions sometimes and said stupid things - but ultimately wanted to do the right thing and help others.
Low on steam this may have been for me, but I still loved Miller and Church together, their connection, their bond, how they fell in love.
Definitely enjoyed this book a lot, and can't wait for the next in the series :D
malex117's review against another edition
3.0
First of all, thank you so much @MJ for this series! I got them as a present from my amazing friend and it was the sweetest surprise ever!