Reviews tagging 'Self harm'

A Woman Is No Man by Etaf Rum

45 reviews

riddhi9191's review against another edition

dark emotional sad medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Plot
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Sexism, Toxic relationship, Death of parent, and Pregnancy

Moderate: Alcoholism and Mental illness

Minor: Self harm, Suicide, and Abortion

kodi_rae's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional mysterious reflective sad tense fast-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse, Misogyny, Rape, Sexism, Sexual violence, and Death of parent

Moderate: Alcoholism, Death, Miscarriage, Self harm, Murder, Pregnancy, and War

Minor: Adult/minor relationship, Suicidal thoughts, and Abortion

letsgolesbians's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional reflective sad medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? It's complicated
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

couldn’t put it down, knocking down a star for a harry potter reference and the lack of pushback about virginity being tied to morality

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Alcoholism, Child abuse, Child death, Death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexism, Blood, Abortion, Pregnancy, Alcohol, and Colonisation

Moderate: Genocide

Minor: War

the_reading_italian's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional informative mysterious reflective sad tense fast-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? It's complicated
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.75

I love this book. It's amazing and it really shows what purity culture and religion can do to women over the course of multiple generations. I think it is a very good example of how domestic violence and abuse is hidden (almost encouraged) in certain cultures because of beliefs and values. It was a hard read, but I would recommend it to anyone who enjoys feminist literature or is interested in multigenerational historical fiction.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexual assault, and Sexual violence

Moderate: Death, Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, Abortion, Death of parent, and Murder

liv_txt's review against another edition

adventurous challenging dark emotional reflective sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes

4.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Alcoholism, Death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Self harm, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Blood, Grief, Abortion, Death of parent, and Murder

Moderate: Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Miscarriage, Rape, Car accident, and Pregnancy

puttingwingsonwords's review against another edition

reflective sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexism, Grief, and Death of parent

Moderate: Alcoholism, Child abuse, Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Abortion, Murder, Pregnancy, and Alcohol

moonadjacent's review against another edition

dark emotional inspiring sad slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? No

3.5

There aren't that many events that actually go into the plot and the mystery is not much of a focal point so mystery-lovers would probably be disappointed with the 'reveal'. This book is much more about the characters, their relationships with each other, intergenerational trauma, and the cycle of abuse/violence from colonialism to sexism to family violence. 

Two excerpts that showcase these themes: 

"...had taught her that the traumas of the world were inseparably connected. She was not surprised when her father came home and beat them mercilessly, the tragedy of the Nakba bulging in his veins... She knew that the suffering of women started in the suffering of men, that the bondages of one became the bondages of the other."

"...how shame could grow and morph and swallow someone until she had no choice but to pass it along so that she wasn't forced to bear it alone... She saw the chain of shame passed from one woman to the next so clearly now, saw her place in the cycle so vividly." 

With the bleakness of the violence described, it would be easy to feel hopeless and unable to see a pathway for Deya (central character) to ever become a well-adjusted young woman free to make her own choices. However, while the author does not shy away from some quite graphic descriptions they also manage to maintain some sense of hope throughout the book. I believe the sense of wonder and escapism that books and storytelling bring to the characters is what helps keep this seemingly unwarranted hope stay alive.

Although the novel is somewhat repetitive in its recounting back and forth between set events and timeframes, I stayed hooked and eager to read til the end. I think Etaf Rum has done well to portray and give voice to a story that is true representation for a number of some. Even in the book, there is evidence that religion is not the basis for all culture, and culture cannot be taken as the sole basis for every action taken by a specific family or individual. How these influences manifest will be different for all and unfortunately terrible for some. Hopefully anyone with critical thinking skills can discern this difference and more of these stories can be shared without fearing potential backlash such as increasing prejudice towards Islam or Palestine.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Child abuse, Death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Miscarriage, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Self harm, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Violence, Blood, Grief, Religious bigotry, Abortion, Pregnancy, and Injury/Injury detail

Moderate: Alcoholism, Genocide, Rape, Death of parent, Colonisation, and War

Minor: Child death, Suicide, Xenophobia, Islamophobia, and Murder

casira's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional hopeful inspiring mysterious reflective sad tense slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? No
• Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
• Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

3.0

This book struggles, at times, with the message it ultimately wants to convey about its themes. There are a lot of complexities surrounding abusers and victims that are handled very well, but also some that are handled a bit poorly. It is ultimately about conveying the significance of choice and shaping one's own destiny, but that messaging can fall flat in circumstances when the choices at hand are entangled in questions of personal safety. There are moments that glorify a willingness to withstand torture and physical assault over "running away" that don't resonate in quite the way I think the author intended.

I'm also struggling a bit with the aspects of culture and tone regarding America, identity, and assimilation. I think Rum failed somewhat in marking the distinction between "there are elements of Arab/Palestinian culture that reinforce and enable abuse" and "Arab/Palestinian culture is inherently abusive." The reader walks away with a somewhat explicit message about the superiority of Western society. I think Rum's second book handles these themes far better.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Alcoholism, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Self harm, Sexism, Violence, Blood, Islamophobia, Grief, Death of parent, Colonisation, and Injury/Injury detail

Moderate: Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Murder, and Pregnancy

ratnix's review against another edition

dark emotional sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes

3.75

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Alcoholism, Child death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Violence, Medical content, Grief, Abortion, Murder, and Alcohol

bookishevy's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional hopeful informative inspiring mysterious reflective sad tense fast-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? It's complicated
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

Palestine, 1990. Seventeen-year-old naive bookworm Isra, who is married her off in Palestine to the much older Adam and taken to Brooklyn, where they live with her oppressive mother-in-law, Fareeda, who grows increasingly frustrated when Isra keeps birthing daughters instead of the sons they desire.

Brooklyn, 2008. Eighteen-year-old Deya, whose dreams of going to college are ignored while her grandmother sets up potential suitors for her, because she thinks the only way Deya can have a future is through marriage. Someone from Deya's past intervenes and Deya learns a shocking truth about her family that could strengthen her will to make her own choices about her future. 

There are so many layers to this story that is told through the eyes of three generations of Palestinian women having to grapple with rules made by the men within their culture as they struggle to find their voices amidst the fear of bringing shame to their family. The flashbacks to Fareeda and her family getting kicked out of their homes by Isreali forces and having to live in camps for years before migrating to the U.S. Struggling with the cultural differences while trying to maintain their Muslim/Arab identity. 

There were times I felt suffocated while reading Isra's dilemma. She's caught between wanting better for her daughters and a hopelessness around them ending up like her. I felt immense hate for Fareeda, while acknowledging that she's a product of this culture, raised to believe that girls/women should know their place or suffer the consequences. TW: domestic violence.

This is a heartbreaking read with a hopeful ending.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse

Moderate: Self harm